Had a child, now I can't cope with distressing news

[MyProfile]

My son is 20 months old and since he was born I have struggled pretty significantly with difficult news events or sad stories, especially in regards to children being hurt or killed. 

I want to know how do I cope? How do these parents cope who have lost their kids when I am a completely stranger not coping with knowing someone's child has died?! It physically hurts me, intensely, I can hardly bear it. I really want to know how these parents are coping, especially of children who have passed, because I need to know that they have somehow managed to bear that huge loss and pain and suffering and not complete died inside. 

[Learn to Fly]

Hello MyProfile, thank you for your post and welcome.

Grief and loss, especially of our loved ones, are deeply personal and individual experiences. No person griefs in the same way as other. The feeling, thoughts, emotions, actins etc that grieving people go through they might be defined as deep sadness, anger, despair, feelings of loosing mind etc but every single person reacts differently. Each person also takes more or less time to recover. 
The grieving process is a deeply healing process. It takes time because the wounds are invisible to the world and most of the time are much, much harder to overcome than any physical injury. 
This is a process of gradual transition, acceptance, and learning how to live their lives now, when their loved one is no longer with them. 
Family and friends are of amazing support during those times but it’s also good to remember that fortunately professional counselling does help. 

I realise my response does not give you a straight answer. I don’t think that such exists, to be frank. However, instead I tried to give you an idea about the process of healing and slowly adapting through grieving. 

[MyProfile]

I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. That makes sense that there is no straight answer. I will meditate on the concept of adapting through the grief. 

[Learn to Fly]

I am glad to hear that I could be of some help, however small. We look completely different on a lot of things once our kids arrive to this world. 

[quirkywords]

My profile 

what a dilemma .

this.i had friend with a child the same age as my child and her child died when was a toddler. I found it so hard to know what to say. She hold me the worst thing was people avoiding her, she was grateful of people acknowledging her loss. 

i also know people who have lost an adult child and for one friend they still have no idea as her child was healthy. Now 15 years later she still misses her child and takes each day one day at a time.

Learn to fly has give. You help suggestions. 
i think by acknowledging your feeling you will find others here reading your words who won’t feel alone. 

[Learn to Fly]

Hi quirkywords, 

Acknowledgement. What a powerful word. Such a supportive post/response.

[quirkywords]

Thanks learn to fly. I think may relate to my profile but don’t often express themselves,as honestly as you have . 
The grieving  processes is a deeply healing process you wrote. That is true but it can take a long time and much acceptance and patience. 

[Learn to Fly]

Absolutely, couldn’t agree more. There is A LOT involved in the grieving process and my short response is a mere grain of sand in comparison to everything that may be involved in grieving a loved one.

[Guest_342]

I think worrying about things like this is partly a consequence of feeling intense love for someone - whether a family member, a friend or a pet. I've not had the fortune to have my own child but I was reflecting about the love I have for my cat, who is 9, and it dawned on me that part and parcel of my love for him is a fear of him being injured or becoming sick and the knowledge that eventually I will certainly lose him.

Though, if it does affect your life negatively and excessively, maybe you could chat to a counsellor or GP?

I wanted to touch on the other bit of your post about wondering and fearing how those parents, who have lost a child, cope. I don't know if it helps, and I acknowledge every parent will cope or react differently, but I wanted to share my brother's experience. He and his wife had a boy 5 years ago and he was very ill from the beginning. My nephew made it to 3 and a half years old and passed away peacefully - thankfully at the time we were between lockdowns and the whole family could be in the hospital with him when he finally found his peace and we were allowed a funeral of 70 or so people. It was the hardest 3 years of my life - seeing him suffer sometimes and seeing how it affected my brother and his wife. But they were such devoted and beautiful parents to him - I was in awe of their strength as a couple. They suffered greatly and made lots of sacrifices but they have come through so strongly and are now expecting a third bubba - a sibling for their little girl. From what I can see now, they draw strength from the experience - knowing their son brought love and togetherness to the family must bring contentment, I am fairly sure. My brother has just competed a massive charity ride to raise funds for research relevant to my nephew's illness and they are still part of a local charity that provides support to families and siblings of kids with life limiting conditions and bereaved families.

Since feeling the intense love I had for my nephew and now for his little sister, I feel like I've become a softie - I cry in sad movies, which I never used to do, and I feel a care more about people's pain in various situations. If I see kids with disabilities like my nephew, my first reaction is to want to give them a warm hug and I get teary for them and their parents.

be kind to yourself - you're being a gorgeous human, feeling this way.

[Brokenballerina]

I have one son and as his mum all sad news and movies where kids get hurt makes me cry. It’s because we love our babies but if you are upset you are allowed to turn off the news and donate to charities or something to ease you anxiety. I stay away from the news personally I can’t even x hope you are feeling better soon