Guilt complex, always thinking everything is my fault.

[Bulus Shabbaz]

One of the things that causes me much anxiety is this guilt complex I have. I have this overarching sense of guilt about everything, even implausible things. A small example of this is if say, my housemate comes along and says they can not find their keys, my first reaction is to check my pockets and then go into my bedroom, I will feel like I must have taken them, even though I know I haven't. Another example of this is if someone is sick I will feel like it is my fault they are sick, even when I know that is irrational. When the news came out that the POTUS and his wife have COVID-19, I felt like me saying I hope he gets COVID might have caused them to contract the virus. Then I realised that is silly. I sometimes have anxiety attacks where I come up with thoughts that I have done something really horrible in the past and I will ring random people to ask them questions about some kind of event that I think has happened, and get frustrated when the person says that as far as they are aware that thing never happened.

[Jolly_Chaplin]

Hello. Good work for reaching out. 🙂 It sounds like there is an issue but it only exists in your mind. You might know this already.

If no one else is suffering from what you've mentioned, then you'll know it's just your mind making you feel this way. It's okay, and it's natural. Best thing is not to fight with your thoughts. Feel them, and isolate what they might mean. Look at solid facts. (Write notes) Don't think about 'what ifs'. Remain calm, take your time, don't rush to conclusions. Give yourself space to think. Relax somewhere by yourself.

It is not something that's irreparable. It might take some working out though.

I would try note taking.

Ask yourself questions. Example:

Are there triggers to your worries?

When were you triggered, where were you?

What kind of environment was it?

Are you spending time in an environment that you don't like?

Are you around people that are toxic for your well-being?

Do you feel trapped where you live?

Do you have a friend or family that supports you?

There are plenty of political problems in the world right now, especially with Covid-19 now. But, it is like a lot of things, 'TEMPORARY'. I'd also advise against listening to too much news and radio. It's fine to watch or listen to, but too much of it can spike panic in people. Up to you though. I'm going off personal experience.

Making time to do something you love during the day is also good; or even just see how you can help someone else can be a less complicated remedy. It's what I'm doing right now and it helps, if you stick with it and have faith that it can work.

Our brains are complicated; so don't beat yourself up about how you're reacting. Take your time and try to isolate what's made you think in this way. Try to find direct options that you can take.

-Chris

[therising]

Hi Bulus Shabbaz

I can't help but wonder what or who has led you to automatically feel guilty about most things. I've come to realise over time that some of my perceived faults are not actually mine, they belong to others and I've simply adopted them as my own (believing they're mine). Wondering if this is the case for you.

It is easy to recognise how wonderful you are by the way. You are so jam packed full of wonder that it almost sounds like it's exhausting to a degree. 'I wonder if I have the keys', 'I wonder if I said or did something' and so on. Often wonder leads to a strong need for satisfaction, finding the answer. You check your pockets to your satisfaction, to prove to yourself that you don't have the keys. You speak to people in order to be satisfied as to whether something did or didn't happen.

What do you think things would look like if you tried taking a sense of guilt and renamed it 'wonder, in search of satisfaction'? May take a fair bit of practice.

Bulus Shabbaz, I gotta admit that I wonder about myself often. Why do I think the way I think? Why do I do the things I do? If I'm trying to make sense of certain behaviours I have, I'll wonder to the point where things will begin to make sense. Some things will take me minutes to work out, others may take months or years. Self understanding is one of the greatest challenges we face in life, in my opinion.

I believe, there is always a reason as to why we tick the way we do. It's not always easy finding the reason. Sometime the reasons can be multiple in regard to one particular issue. Take low self esteem, for example. You can spend your life thinking 'What's wrong with me? Why do I always doubt myself? Why can't I stand up for myself more often?' Bit of time travel here: You go back in time to the point where you see your young self being told 'Do not question me! Do as you're told!' and you're told to not question teachers, your boss and a lot of the people around you that dictate this. Who is there left to question? Your self, of course. Those questions (when answered truthfully)

• What's wrong with me? I'm not acknowledging the faults in those who never encouraged me to question the questionable
• Why do I always doubt myself? People don't lead me to doubt them. Instead, the redirect the doubt back to me
• Why can't I stand up for myself? People have often led me to not stand up for myself

The revelation 'Hey, I'm actually surrounded by closed minded, somewhat arrogant crazy people'.

🙂

[Bulus Shabbaz]

I used to think it had something to do with my Catholic background, but when reflecting on my experiences with church and youth group, I now think this idea that the religion ingrains people with a guilt complex might be something I project onto it and isn't necessarily true. Or if it is true, the full extent of it might be exaggerated. I do have a few memories of family blaming me for things that were out of my control when I was a child that probably contributed to me developing a complex.

[therising]

Hi Bulus Shabbaz

You'd easily be able to trigger my brother with the phrase 'Catholic guilt'. He smiles as he convinces people that this is where his ingrained guilt complex comes from. He's managed to override this degree of conditioning over the years by naturally questioning others. Anything else, he would refer to as a call to higher consciousness. Example: Why did I behave so poorly toward that person? Ahh, I know, I was under a heck of a lot of pressure at the time and they caught me at the height of intolerance/extreme stress. I must apologise to them. They deserve this'.

While the Catholic religion and plenty of other religions can lead us to focusing on aspects of shame and guilt, there are many aspects within these religions that focus on how to override these things. Take Jesus for example, he was all about not judging but simply wondering about what that particular person needed to evolve - compassion, understanding, support in circumstances of ongoing rejection. He was basically someone who was all about reforming the church of his time, one that focused heavily on guilt, shame and ego.

Myself, I don't regard myself as a Catholic, I'm more a generic spiritual kinda gal. I've taken the positives from my religious upbringing, added to them with elements of Buddhism and other practices, and use what I've learned as a reference to how to connect with life in different ways.

Personally, I'm big on listening to what comes to mind. Some might call it divine inspiration. Have found the best way to channel divine inspiration is through wonder. When once upon a time I may have judged someone harshly for being thoughtless toward me, now I simply wonder 'Why is this person being thoughtless toward me?' What comes to mind might be 'Ask them what leads them to think less of you and more of the belief they are clinging to in their head'. It is amazing the amount of times you can ask a person why they believe what they do, only to be met with 'I don't know'. Those who are closed minded will brush it off. Those who are open minded will actually be led to wonder why they don't know the answer to why they believe what they do. We're definitely funny creatures, hey.

🙂