GAD all my life- nervous breakdown has left me with anxiety based insomnia

thesedaysarenotfun · ‎11-11-2017

Hi all, I am new to BB and I appreciate any feedback and advice . About five weeks ago I suffered a nervous breakdown due to overwork. There were warning signs in the months leading up to it which I didn’t pay attention to and it resulted in severe anxiety, depression and anxiety based insomnia.

They don’t give you a lot of room here to go into detail so the short version is that I can’t sleep atm without pills. I’ve tried various things to mixed results. Im scared of going to bed. I’ve been on an SNRI for 3 weeks which is starting to stabilise me but I still can’t sleep. There has even been one night where I got no sleep at all and then had to go to work. OTC sleep aids have provided some relief but they don’t always work. Panic attacks and brain zaps prevent me from falling asleep.

I should mention that I have also been undertaking CBT therapy with a psychologist for my anxiety and sleep anxiety. The steps he is asking me to take to combat my problem haven’t really worked so far and after a night of no sleep like the last one my resolve and confidence is badly shaken. I tell myself the right things, like it isn’t the fact that I’m tired that make me feel like , it’s my thoughts surrounding it. The problem lies in my subconscious and how I’ve trained myself to think and react to stressors, it will be ok etc. I’m trying to take one day at a time, I’ve dramatically reduced my caffeine intake and changed my diet. I’ve cut out sugar, alcohol and tried to keep a sleep schedule. The only thing I can’t stop is the cigarette smoking which has increased with all the stress. I’m smoking 15- 20 cigarettes a day at this stage. I’m trying everything I can short of just stopping taking pills and trying to suffer through something which feels like it will never end. How do I function without sleeping? Many times I’ve felt like I’m at the end of my tether and can’t go on anymore and it scares me. The anxiety passes of course, but comes back. I’ve been in dark places before with anxiety but nothing like this. My sleep was never effected before. If anyone has any advice or stories of their own, particularly successful ones, then I am in much need of hearing your experiences. Thanks!

Quercus · ‎12-11-2017

Hello Thesedaysarenotsofun,

I'm sorry noone has replied yet. Sometimes a post slips through unfortunately. My reply will bump your thread up so hopefully others with suggestions will see it.

I wanted to welcome you to the forums. Personally I find the forums a help when I can't sleep. Even if everyone in my house is asleep there is almost always someone online and plenty to read to escape my own thoughts.

Good on you for making changes. Have you tried any of the mindfulness or meditation apps to manage your stress? I like to make the bedroom pitch black and cold and listen to headphones. Nothing to focus on but the words/music.

I hope you can find some ideas here. There is a thread called SLEEP which might be worth searching for. I will see if I can find it for you.

Nat

Quercus · ‎12-11-2017

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/sleep/page/6#qoG5SnHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

thesedaysarenotfun · ‎13-11-2017

Thanks Nat, yes I have dabbled in a couple of apps. I’ve got one called Breathe and a couple of sleep hypnosis ones as well. I also joined mood gym online which uses a bunch of tools like mindfulness as well. There’s definitely something to it in regard to just understanding your triggers more and recognising the bad moments for what they are. So far I’m at a stage where they haven’t helped when things are desperate but I’m hoping that can change with practice. Incidentally what are your main problems with insomnia? Are they anxiety related? Thanks so much for the link.

Quercus · ‎13-11-2017

Hi Thesedaysarenotfun,

Did you find anything you could try on the sleep thread?

To answer your question, my issues with sleep are part side effect of the antidepressants, part poor routine and self sabotage and part racing thoughts and dwelling.

I know my sleep patterns need to change but at the moment late night is my only time to myself without small kids so I'm not really inspired to tackle it yet. Sleep or sanity 😊

My mum struggles to sleep. As long as I can remember she has "run on empty" about 2 hours max.

Rather than fight it she has accepted if she goes to bed she won't sleep. Rather than panic about it she embraced it.

bought a lovely comfortable couch and made the lounge welcoming.
In the evening she will lay down and read a book, watch tv, use her tablet.
She has so many dvds just to have something to pass the time.
Drinks coffee at night does all the things docs say not to do.
Keeps a notebook and writes ideas out as they come to her.

Basically she has just decided not to do anything about her lack of sleep. To let go of the anxiety about needing a certain amount of hours. Since doing this she dozes.

It's a joke in our family that she cannot stay awake to the end of a movie. The more noise, the more relaxed and safe she feels (having my Dad making noise, hearing the dog barking at foxes, hearing the washing machine or my kids playing when we visit) the more likely it is that she will be out cold 😊.

My point maybe the amount of effort you are putting in is causing more anxiety? What do you think? When you have leave from work and are not expected to do anything do you rest any better?

Restart321 · ‎13-11-2017

Hi, I too had broken down due to work, study and the rest of the negative things in life. But I look it as a restart in my life. My mind and body are saying..."warning, stop, stop what you are doing and change". Be patient for the therapies to work. I you cant sleep change your area of sleep, look into feng-shui.

Also when you are laying in bed write down on a piece of paper what's keeping you awake, and put it away, the following day and do that thing without hesitation.

Also you said you have tried everything? ask yourself whats the one thing that's sooo boring to watch, read, to do... and do that. This puts no pressure on you, and usually when something is really boring, we tend to nod off to sleep. Also don't sleep during the day, if you do make sure they are only 20minutes. Set your alarm and get body clock in order. Also dark rooms, not lights (including phones/laptop). When its completely dark your brain releases melatonin.

I suffer from anxiety and use to toss and turn in bed and my heart would race. The feeling I had to get up and do something. I also found running helps me and surrounding myself with people who are healthier and have balanced minds. I have learned to focus on what I want, not what I don't want. Right now I'd like balance restored, peace and clarity. One step at a time and patience.

Hope this helps.

thesedaysarenotfun · ‎14-11-2017

Oh absolutely 100%. My anxiety goes into overdrive when problems arise and I worry and troubleshoot like crazy. Before I got diagnosed with GAD about five years ago I thought this was normal and it definitely is not. It’s also counter productive to healing I have no doubt. This is the issue with anxiety in general I think and while I am no way aware of this pattern I have yet to get a grip on it. With this new issue of sleep disturbance it’s only now thanks to ADs that I find I am spiraling into hopelessness a lot less, but in the first few weeks I was inconsolable. Emotional meltdowns over the issue because I wasn’t able to find answers were a daily occurrence. It’s a day by day thing. I’m trying not to beat myself up over it and blame myself but when my brain spirals it can get amazingly distressing. Thanks for your story and advice Nat, it’s most appreciated. The idea that this will never change is something that I try and push to the back of my mind these days. A year ago I was sleeping in my own bed with my partner and functioning in day to day life quite well. Over a period of months things got worse, finding myself having to sleep in another room to avoid noise and movement in bed and whilst overworking myself and having mood swings and depression. One day it all came to a head and I just stopped sleeping. Anxiety attacks in bed, negative thinking at 3am would hit like a colossal wave and I just broke down and couldn’t cope. I see another pattern where I will get reminded of things from the past and automatically find myself remembering that I was sleeping without a care in the world at that moment in time and wishing to be able to go back to in time. But that’s counter productive as well. I can’t go back, only forward. Acceptance of this has been hard as all I want to do is to get back to that life. Thanks again for your kind words and understanding.

thesedaysarenotfun · ‎14-11-2017

Thankyou. Yes I agree with all of what you have said. Once I gained understanding of the negative effect of blue light from phone screens etc I immediately put that into play. My big problem is my smart phone and I now place it on airplane mode first thing in the evening. It stops the phone from being used and it becomes literally an alarm clock and that’s it. It also preserves battery life which is a plus. I am definitely going to try and be more consistent with writing my thoughts and feelings surrounding the day on a daily basis as I think this is an excellent tip and something that I haven’t tried properly. Yes you are right, I shouldn’t say I have tried everything when that isn’t strictly true and it is also still early days in my recovery. It’s been about six weeks since my initial breakdown and in that time I have been on ADs for three weeks and had five CBT sessions with my psychologist. He’s very popular which is a good sign that he knows what he is doing but the downside is I cannot get to see him weekly as he’s booked solid. I get to see him every two weeks and so much happens in that time that I find we have to dedicate a lot of time in our sessions for me to info dump on him haha. Sorry I’m rambling, but yeah I really appreciate your reply and I think all of your advice is really positive which is exactly what I need right now. The other step I need to take is blacking out the room I am sleeping in. It’s mostly dark but the windows need blocking. I’m putting up alfoil ASAP as summer has hit here in Perth and it will block out the heat somewhat as well as the light that spills in from under the curtain. Thanks again. Feng shui you say? Another great tip. Looking into that as well.

Quercus · ‎15-11-2017

Hi thesedaysarenotfun,

Oh don't get me started on the sun. I'm a westie too and it is going to be a killer summer if this spring is any indication. Best thing we ever did was put a roller shutter on our bedroom window. Both of us used to work night shift and it was a necessity. Alfoil works or blockout curtains from Spotlight. And aircon. Cold and dark. Shame we didn't do the kid's rooms because they wake with the sun (I hate Summer).

It really does sound like you're working hard to make changes. I understand not wanting to look long term. I am the same with my autoimmune disease... Dreading the future isn't helpful. But being desperate to get back to "normal" isn't helpful either I've found.

When I wasn't managed I was desperate. And scared of accepting this is something I have to manage now. Dwelling on what was makes me frustrated and sad. It took time though to accept this.. I don't know that I fully have even now. What helped was to ignore the past and the future and focus on now only.

I hope you can find things that work. Restart321 had some good ideas to try I agree.