For those who suffer with BDD

[PsychedelicFur]

Hello there,

Hope you are all doing ok. I want to start a thread for those who suffer from Body Dysmorphia, otherwise known as Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I’m struggling. It’s utterly debilitating. For those who suffer from BDD then you will understand when I say sometimes you just don’t feel ‘right’. Like when you are out at someone’s house or at the shops.. you need to just hurry home because you feel uncomfortable. I have a sense of agoraphobia. I feel very uncomfortable when I have to leave the house. I don’t go to the shops much anymore because I am worried people will pass me and think “WOW! She is the most ugliest woman I have ever seen in my entire existence.”
Does anyone else deal with this?
I walked to the Post Office last week and I felt massively uncomfortable as cars drove passed me. I felt like everyone was judging me and looking at me and thinking I’m just atrocious looking. I’m scared of leaving the house for public transportation and going to university. I feel disgusting all of the time.

[PsychedelicFur]

The intrusive thoughts clutter my brain. Over the recent years, I hoarded some self deprecating and destructive thoughts. I’m dealing with food guilt to an extensive degree. It’s debilitating for me, in so many ways more than one. I have also internalised so much guilt and anger at myself.
I have been clinically diagnosed with Body Dysmorphic Disorder, chronic anxiety and high functioning autism.
I then frequently restrict myself from things that are ‘deemed’ unhealthy. Like confectionary, chips or other foods that have a substantial amount of fatty oils e.g fast food.
After I consume something ‘unhealthy’ I then force myself to go on a long walk. This has to be STRAIGHT after consuming the unhealthy piece of food. Otherwise if I don’t do some exercise I will feel disgusted with myself.
I even get food guilt after eating healthy food too. Like it’s becoming quite unbearable.
I especially think of myself in a toxic light once I have eaten something unhealthy though.
I constantly look at myself in the mirror when I am near an object that is reflective. The big mirror in my bathroom is an enormous trigger for my body dysmorphia.
I have to upload so many photos of myself on my social media. Not because I’m narcissistic but because these are the times that I believe I look ‘normal’ or at least somewhat ‘attractive.’ I find those photos flattering. And I feel like my looks are bearable in those photographs.

I feel like everyone thinks horribly of my looks when they see me. I recently told a co worker of mine that I do long 5 or so km walks quite frequently. And she looked at me, up and down.
Yet when another girl mentioned she was going to the gym she didn’t respond to her the same way. Instead - she just said “you are small enough.” to her.
She probably thought that I am super overweight…

This is so challenging. I need to go now. My thoughts are becoming too much.

Hope you are going all ok.

Sending warm hugs to those who need them. XX

PF

[PsychedelicFur]

The world doesn't see WHAT I see..

[Sophie_M]

Hi PsychedelicFur,

Thank you for reaching out and for sharing your story with us. That takes a lot of courage and strength.

BDD is a complex and challenging experience. We understand that this feeling must be overwhelming, especially if you struggle to open up to others and reach out. Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice, and conversation as you need.

If you would like some additional help we highly recommend that you check out the Butterfly Foundation.

You are also welcome to call us on 1300 22 4636 to talk through how this is making you feel, or if you need any support. 

Thank you again for being an important part of this community. 

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

[Guest_1643]

Hi pf

I have bdd and u describe it well.

I feel like I look ugly and so much worse than my peers, so want to stay at home for that reason, or in situations where I have control, I felt like everyone I'd laughing at me because of my appearance, it is heavy, tiring, and affects deeply bpmy day to day living

[PsychedelicFur]

I wear my mask when I go out in public because I am scared about how my face looks. Then some people just stare and laugh at me when I wear my mask. It’s a comfort thing. And it is a barrier for me. I am sick of my BDD. I feel like an extraterrestrial.

[Guest_1643]

I'm not sure what to say but just adding that I relate, and sending caring for ur recovery.

[Whimbo]

Hi PsychedelicFur,

I related very much to your struggle with guilt regarding food. It sounds like you use compensation techniques to control your eating habits, such as exercising immediately after eating. It's worth reading about compensation and the negative effects on BDD that it can have.

I have a pretty bad relationship with food too - when I start eating I feel like I'm out of control sometimes, and it makes me just want to jog for an hour or two to compensate. Compensation for me is all about control - I lose control to my food, I feel guilt, and I try to gain that control back by exercising. So therefore the key to mastering eating habits is not weight loss, as most think, but weight control. Here are some tips I've learned for gaining a sense of control, which may seem obvious, but they are integral to keeping a healthy mind and body, and they are all supported scientifically!

1. Keep a meal routine - eat at the same time every day, preferably breakfast, lunch, and dinner. If you snack, try to snack at the same time too.

2. Aim to walk 10000 steps a day. This will be impossible to achieve every day, so if you only have a few minutes of spare time, 15 minutes of jogging or HIIT is enough to keep in shape. Exercise should prioritise your mental health and wellbeing!

3. Don't be afraid to treat yourself with sugary snacks, but most of your snacking should be healthy grains, fruit, and yoghurt.

4. If eating meat, the majority of your plate should be vegies and salad.

5. Use your feet - stand up at least once an hour, take the stairs, stand up on the bus/train.

6. Drink plenty of water, treat sugary drinks like a snack.

7. Try to eat ~400g of fruit and vegetables every day (5 serves).

8. Most importantly, practice mindful eating - try to eat without distractions, and eat at a table. This will prevent absentminded eating and help you control how much you eat.

Eating your meals, avoiding compensating, and treating yourself when it's appropriate are the perfect ways to gain control over your mind and body. I hope this helps but no hard feelings if it doesn't!

[Apparentlyhotbutnot27]

Hello PsychedelicFur & Sasquatchion,

I came across your 2021 posts and admire your courage in sharing your journey with BDD.

Your stories really resonated with me, as I’ve faced similar challenges.

I’m a 42-M, working on understanding & overcoming this too.

If you’re comfortable, I’d love to hear your story / how you’ve been since then.

Thanks again for sharing.

JG.