First step to a positive future...

[Daisee]

Hi there...  My contact with Beyondblue via Facebook was last night - looking at New Access.  After worrying (yes I'm a worrier) about my health & family history of heart disease I went to the Doctor.  The first set-back was high cholesterol - a hereditary issue.  OK, I'm fine with taking that, but that got me thinking (yes, thinking can be a problem - those negative unrealistic thoughts), am I going to die young of heart disease... like my father did at 61 ...then, other thoughts come into my mind (negative of course!), and well, one thing leads to another a full blown panic attack happens!  OMG, is this my heart?  LOL I am actually laughing out loud, because I'm not in that state of panic right at the minute, but it's not funny at the time, it is TERRIFYING!  I then buy a blood pressure monitor a few months back and nearly every time I take it I'm nearly in a state of panic, so yep, you guessed it, blood pressure is high...  so again one negative thought after the other and I'm in another full blown panic attack situation.  Hehe (I'm lol'ing again) - at myself  😉  Anyhow so a couple of weeks ago I get a 24 hour blood pressure monitor fitted, because the Doctor *thinks* I might have white coat syndrome (clever Doctor!).  Everytime I feel that BP monitor squeezing my arm, at first, I panic.  I get sick of sitting around doing this, so I get up and do some gardening, walk, keep myself busy.  10000 steps on my fitbit & more that day!  Go to bed and sleep, wake up get the thing off.  Wait 2 weeks for the diagnosis and in those 2 weeks I was an absolute mess!!! Convinced at any second I was going to "pop off".  I even got my Doc to prescribe me the lowest dose of BP medication and then came home and took 1/2 a tablet (yeah, I don't like taking pills), and measure my BP on my machine.  It was LOW 90/60 ...very low.  So I wait it out and go to the Doctor for my results.  Basket case at the Doctor's, (inside - on the outside I looked calmish) hoping no one noticed, only to be told my BP on average was NORMAL with White Coat effect present.  So then with great advice from the Doc and my husband, "maybe it's time to get a little bit of help" is my first step.  I've had panic disorder on & off all my life and have sought help, first time at 17, and hopefully this time now at 51, I can get the right tools to handle what comes.  Like driving into tunnels in peak hour (WORST EVER FEAR), over high bridges & other places & fears. First appointment Monday! Wish me luck!

[Neil_1]

Hi there daisee

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you so much for being able to provide and share your post.

There’s certainly a lot going on and thank you for detailing it all out.

Isn’t that funny (or an unusual term – as I’ve never heard of it before, but I can fully believe it to be the case), the term of:  white coat syndrome.  I would think a lot of us would have that;   another one I think on this would be police officer syndrome;  I always get nervous when driving when I see a police car – absolutely no cause to be, but something just kicks in my subconscious and screams at me telling me, that any minute they’ll put their siren and flashing lights on and pull me over.  It never happens, but still … oh and another one, as I grew up on a farm;  the SSS.   The See Snake Syndrome;  and that’s see or view snake and not a sea snake.  I won’t dribble on here, but you hopefully get my drift.

That is so awesome that your husband seems to be very helpful and positive for you;  and that your doctor has provided good help also;  this is so important when we’re needing to advance our opportunities for help.

So yes, you’ve got an upcoming appointment next Monday – I hope between now and then, that you’re able to get through ‘ok’ and also that your session on Monday proves to be very helpful for you.

Would love to hear back from you.

Neil

[Daisee]

Thanks for your feedback Neil - I honestly and truly appreciate it.  The email I received from BeyondBlue with suggested reading has already helped to revisit my coping strategies.

The thing with me is that to do something about my panic disorder is to keep it fresh and I don't like that...  I'd like to forget about panic and anxiety, so it will go away forever...  but *it* keeps popping up from time to time in my life and sometimes I have trouble coping with it.  So time to see a professional that can help and hopefully put me on the right track forever!  

I'm glad you too can see the funny side of things that we worry about.  I always put the brakes on when I see a Police car (which really irritates my husband) and the sight of snake makes me go cold - well that panic is real and as it should be - ready for *flight* mode! lol   Laughing and smiling, if we can, about our fears can only be a positive...  it's better than crying.

[Neil_1]

Hi there Daisee

Great to hear back from you.  Yes, with all that we cope with and have trouble with, at times, to be silly about it and to kind of blow it off with a giggle or a laugh can be a different way of coping;   and as you rightly say, it’s better than crying.

Though having said that, as we know, belting out a good cry can also have its benefits – though with the warmer weather coming up, make sure you’re fully hydrated;  as buckets of tears can lead to possibly dehydration and we don’t want to be a sufferin’ from that “as well” as other things!

It’s pleasing to read that you have found some things from this site to be useful – it really is an awesome site and the people behind the scenes at Beyond Blue are always thinking of ways to make this a better place to visit also;  I guess it’s why I hang around here so much.  J

It’s a tricky thing isn’t it – with regard to our issues;  to mask and hide them or to put them ‘out there’ and confront them?  The professionals will vouch for the latter and doing that can be very beneficial – in opening up and talking about your issues and the situations that cause nastiness for you.  If they are a quality counsellor/psych in time, they’ll be able to advise different methods, ways to help cope with situations, so when you get into that ‘place’, you hopefully will have a learned coping mechanism to either lessen the impact or to divert it, etc.

The issue with masking or hiding your issues mostly means that they won’t go away;  and you can do that for a fair while, but they will come back and bite you and when that does happen, it does hurt.  Mostly cause you weren’t probably expecting it.

I hope this post has made sense.

Kind regards

Neil

[Daisee]

So, on Monday I went to a BeyondBlue "New Access" appointment with a very understanding and lovely person.  Best thing I've done for years!  The appointment went for an hour and a lot was discussed.  At first I was quite uncomfortable, but by the time I walked out I was so happy!  Outcomes, goals and positive ways were discussed to help me overcome my fears, anxieties and phobias.  Looking at triggers and how to manage them, thinking that the initial feeling of panic is normal in a fearful situation or anxious moment rather building my fears to a catastrophic level, then knowing that the feeling will pass (as it always does), going through it rather than fighting it and letting it pass.  I suppose the sympathetic ear and learning that I can get through my "moments" lessened my stress by half.  I decided to drive home through the city traffic IN the middle lane, so when I did feel the discomfort I was able to control it, and get through it to the point where I relaxed.  The next five appointments will be via the phone, so I'm hoping things will improve each week.  If you are thinking about seeking help, I cannot recommend highly enough the BeyondBlue "New Access" program.  Do yourself a favour!! 🙂  

[Neil_1]

Hi there Daisee

Thank you for latest response and the description you gave.  That must have been some amazing session for yourself and it was so very pleasing to read.  So many items in it, but one that really struck me was the one where you said “… and learning that I can get through my moments lessened by half”.

That is so very encouraging.

I hope that this can continue for you and please if you feel ok to do so, it’d be great to hear from you again.

Neil

[Daisee]

Hey there Neil and anyone else that is reading this. 🙂  

One week has gone by.  Whilst I'd LOVE to say I'm cured, I'm not, however I have had a much better week in terms of my panic/phobia "problem".  

After last week my first face-to-face session with a New Access Coach, this week I jotted down a few "situations" I experienced anxiety.  Yes, I felt uncomfortable, and I did get through it without making a fool of myself and yes, my anxiety did lessen somewhat.  The city driving, stopping at traffic lights IN the middle lane (so no escape) was my first positive.  The unreal, odd, panic in Target I got through and did feel anxiety lessened.  ...the hard one, the M5 tunnel (I wasn't driving and in back seat), wasn't good, but I DID get through it - will need a bit more work on that one.  

So, 2nd session with my coach was today over the phone.  Going through my scores from last week I am doing very well and with working with my coach, I can see myself getting better.  It was nice to know that I am improving.

I do have to say I'm very grateful and relieved for being part of the BeyondBlue New Access Program - big step for me and the way the program is set up, is fantastic.  I definitely don't feel so alone, so it's onward and upward! 🙂 🙂

I am hoping that all of you that are reading this, can be encouraged to seek support.  It's a huge step, but if we can help and support each other, we can enjoy lots more!

Next session in about 10 days.

Cheers
Daisee

[Neil_1]

Hi there Daisee

Thank you so much for your most recent reply and for the bit of a rundown of recent events AND for how you are feeling as well.

This is all sounding positive for you and I really hope that as you progress these positive steps will continue for you as well.

We just need to keep treading carefully and while you know it’s not a quick fix at all, if mini advancements and goals can be reached and completed, then that is a huge achievement.

Thank you so much for the update.

Kind regards

Neil

[Daisee]

Hey there

We're well into November now.  I decided to give myself a bit of exposure therapy today after talking about it with my Coach last week.  I have this mountain I don't like driving down and up.  So after I drove it last week with 2 family members (in the pouring rain) I was feeling pretty positive I could do it on my own.  I decided to do it today.  

I was apprehensive and have to say that I did wake up a few times going through a few scenarios in my head... even a couple of anxious scenarios.  I was a little anxious leading up to the mountain, but found the actual going down it wasn't too bad at all.  I had lunch with a friend and all was good.  

Going up the mountain with a lots of trucks I panicked 😞  I acknowledged that I had a feeling of being trapped (couldn't pull over) as there were two left lanes FULL of big trucks, so I basically panicked, but instead of reaching for water or call someone I went through it and the panic subsided, so on I went, until I panicked again (on NO!) 😞 😞  ...but again I didn't resist it, but rather acknowledged the feeling and said out loud to myself "you are having an anxiety attack, it will pass, the feeling is because you are frightened and it is a normal reaction to fear, it will pass..."  ...and the panic lessened somewhat.  I felt the anxiety level by the time I was at the top of the mountain drop markedly and whilst I was a little sad that it wasn't a winner experience, it probably had to happen to help me understand that I still have a bit of work to do.  

Yes, it was a setback but I'm not going to worry about it.  I'm back down and up that mountain next Tuesday.  I have a meeting with my Coach Monday afternoon, so I'll be ready!!!
Other than the little hiccup today, my anxiety levels have been so much better.  

I will not give up!

[Daisee]

Me again,

Since my last post, I put my Coach appointment off.  The set back was in fact something that played on my mind continually.  Should I give up and never do it again?  Should I go back and do that mountain!!!???  My mind was in utter chaos and was impacting on my life in a negative way.  I could not sleep properly, I was a little more irritated and annoyed at things I usually wasn't...  I was miserable.  I mentioned it to my husband.  I do try hard not to go on about my issues, but I was in despair.  I told him I should go drive the mountain.  He said THREE TIMES!  OMG, could I do it 3 times in a row...?  Well that is "exposure therapy"... it's so cruel!   I thought about it and emailed my Coach, saying I'd like to put my appointment off until later, mid week so I could report something positive.  Rather than email, my Coach rang me... I told her how I felt and what my husband said.  Yes, it was a good idea and if I was feeling "positive" to go do it.

So off I went - feeling quite anxious, but thinking positive I went up and down that bloody mountain 3 times.  First time going down I was fine, going up I was okay, still a little hand sweaty, negative thoughts and self doubt, but also talking to myself positively, about my feelings.  2nd time good going down again, but not so good going up ... a couple of panicky moments passing the trucks, but the panic subsided at least 50%.  OK 3rd time good going down and going up - feeling more confident and happy that I conquered it THREE TIMES!!!  WooHoo 🙂

Next day I did it again - a little anxious going down, but okay.  Going up I thought about it a little, but forgot about my panic and admired the view!

SUCCESS!!!  Exposure Therapy worked for me.  I could've just said, that's it - not doing that again, but with the help of my Coach, I did it alone and I'm sure I could do it again.  Will be doing it at least once a week from now on.

My scheduled appointment was today.  We went through everything and I'm doing a little better every week.  I still have to tackle the tunnel, but am feeling all the more positive with the tools I've learnt so far.  Little by little I can see that I can have a future without panic.  I've got lots more work to do, but with the help of BeyondBlue and my Coach I would never have undertaken what I done in the last month.

One thing I do feel is a lot calmer.  ...more confident, happier with myself and something that is bizarre - I feel taller!   LOL

Until next time.

Daisee 🙂