Fell down the rabbit hole. Need hope.

[Northernstar]

I’ve always been a bit anxious my whole life, but it never really interfered with my daily activity or quality of life. It was just part of me.

This past year I had both kids diagnosed with chronic lifelong health conditions, tried to deal long distance with my mother with Alzheimers, and a husband who was FIFO the past 18 months until March.

I started getting chest pains, but two ER trips ruled out heart issues. Then in August, I had another episode and this time changes to ecg they said and after a subsequent day of intense pain, I ended up in the cardio ward. Angio was negative and subsequent echo negative. Never found out why the ecg was weird (leads on wrong?). They put me on medication because I mentioned my chest burning. Gastroscopy and biopsies negative, but tightness and burning continued.

Nine weeks on, still dealing with GI flare ups while on double dose and topping up with Gaviscon. I see the gastroenterologist in mid November. Lost about 11kg since the end of August. Have been seeing psychologist, hypnotherapist/psychologist at MindGut Clinic, just met the psychiatrist last week who recommended a medication, which I’ve been scared to start. I’ve been doing everything I can to tone down the anxiety (exercise, Headspace, guided hypnotherapy exercises, vitamins, CBT workbooks) and some days I seem to be making okay progress and I’m impressed at my slowly growing resilience, but then something will happen (like the episode of ectopic beats on Wednesday), and panic sets in and I can’t cope. I had the start of a panic attack this morning and took a half dose of a medication my GP prescribed for the first time (it sat unused since August) but my kids didn’t get to school because I couldn’t drive.

I feel so low right now, like someone flipped a switch and my previous life ended that August day and all that’s left is constant anxiety and pain. I also have no real support here except for my husband and kids. We moved to Australia nine years ago, and all of my family and friends are back in Canada. I want to move home and everyone is onboard with that but I need to get better first and that seems so far away.

Thanks for reading. If anyone has been here and made it through, please feel free to share and give me a bit of hope.

[PamelaR]

Hi Northernstar and welcome to our community

Life sounds difficult for you. Living in a country without your family and friensd support doesn't help does it? My hand and heart goes out to you.

The health issues you describe sound very frightening, especially when there doesn't appear to be any physical reason. Anxiety can have that effect unfortunately.

You talk about getting better before you move home. Have you started to see a gp and/or health professional to talk about your mental health? This is one of best things I ever did. It helps tremendously.

Just some things you've said - your kids being diagnosed with a chronic lifelong health issue, your mum with Alzheimers, and a FIFO husband are all very big things going on in your life. It sounds like you need to be a bit gentler on yourself. Its okay to not feel good when you have all these things happening to you. By what you've said, you manage your life very well. So be easy on yourself.

Others in our community will be along to give you support. In the meantime, feel free to have a browse, search of our forums. Join in our discussions where you think there are similar situations. There is a search field at the top of our webpage.

Hope some of this helps NorthernStar.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Northernstar]

Thank you PamelaR.

I have been seeing a psychologist for six of my sessions and I’m going to start CBT with another for the last four. My psychologist said today in fact that I’m harder on myself than anyone else and have to be kinder to myself with my achievements so far and my expectations.

I guess because my life is such a before and after right now and I don’t like the anxiety or health issues of the after much at all that I am putting a lot of pressure on myself to get well as soon as I can.

I was making real gains this past week in terms of lower anxiety levels and less oesophageal pain and then the ectopic beat episode on Wednesday night triggered me back to that August weekend and what started all this. Health anxiety is awful. Every minor symptom makes me worry.