Feeling very anxious about meeting new friends, a little about myself and my story.

Ly20 · ‎01-08-2016

Hi there, my name is Lyall, im a 26 year old Australian guy and i get pretty anxious for no god damn reason and depressed sometimes, so its been hard to meet new friends and relate to people, i was told that this place might be good to meet like minded people who can understand someone like myself. I hope to meet some new people. I like a wide range of things, games, movies, obscure tv series and animation..

I really don't talk much to people about my problems (I really don't talk much at all) but perhaps my story could benefit someone, i do also like to help people.

I would describe myself as a unique person who has a strong sense of who they are, i know that i have great morals and values and i am proud of that, i have had a past of being bullied and being put down because i am an easy target, perhaps too kind for my own good at times, so this can leave me vulnerable, alot of the time i find that i have difficulty expressing what is on my mind into words and some people assume i am finished in a conversation or that i mean something completely different to what i was trying to convey that can be frustrating and alot of the time i will just give up, giving up as also become a habit too and its something that i hope to work on and change. I have my ups and downs but i always try to put on a smile and relate to people as best i can, but inside it's eating away at me, life doesn't have time to slow down for you sometimes unfortunately. I am currently seeking support for my mental health problems. I have alot of trouble sleeping at nights these days, as i am a big overthinker and dweller also, it can be really hard to shut off my brain and shut out the bad memorys, i can remember every moment of shame, humiliation and bad moments from my life at night and it haunts me, i did have this under control for sometime in the past, i had to learn to really focus and train my brain but now its back worse then ever, it just happens for no reason it seems and i become frustrated. It has been happening for a long time now and enough is enough, i hope to find some help and relief, it does help to really talk about your issues, explore them and make them known to yourself, i think i am a logical person and this kind of thinking can really be positive, but i understand sometimes it just gets too much, i think people who go threw this kind of thing certainly have alot of courage and heart and its important to remember this, and it also takes courage to find support.

TheSteve · ‎01-08-2016

Lyall,

Thanks for sharing your story mate, and good on you! You come across as a truly genuine bloke, and at such a young age that is a great quality to possess. Although you described your various pain and anxieties in your post, I really enjoyed reading it and learning about you and how you have become the young man that you are.

At exactly your current age (26) I went through my own personal descent into a world of anxiety and depression, for no good reason but "my" mind started to destroy me. I emphasize the word "my" because yes, while it is mine and I now control it like a tool, at the time it was in complete control of me and was taking me apart day to day. Anxiety, inability to perform at work, insomnia, constant thoughts, depression etc. knocked me down . Only when I figured out what "mind" is, the fact that I am not my thoughts, nor my feelings, nor my mind, and that each of these are just manifestations of past habits of thought and behaviour which are separate from my true self, did it click as to what I had done to myself. Then my recovery began.

Since then, I credit that year of my life with creating the man that is today. Without it, I could not have evolved. Sometimes our personal paths go through hell, and we have to keep following them until we emerge. Nothing lasts forever, no feeling, no thought, no state of being. Change is constant.

Clearly your past has colored your thoughts, which have created your feelings, which dictate your behaviours, and as such create more negative/fearful thoughts, feelings etc. and so the cycle goes. You are in a position where you need to unwind and reverse this, and then recalibrate your habits of thought and feeling to reflect your actual reality, not the reality your mind has painted.

If you have not sought behavioural therapy, please do. If you have not learned what "mindfulness" is and how to practice it, then you need to do this stat. Get a copy of "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle, this may change your life fairly quickly as it seems you'll resonate with it.

Exercise, eat well, cut allergens and stimulants out of your diet, laugh (seriously, make yourself laugh hard for 30mins daily, it will change your life - hide in your room if you have to but do it!), go out with friends, watch your thoughts, acknowledge your feelings. They are separate from "you", they are not you.

We are here for you mate, let's keep talking and we'll figure this out. All the best.

Steve

Ly20 · ‎02-08-2016

Hi TheSteve, thanks so much for your reply and sharing your story also, it always helps me to know that there were and are others like myself going threw the same thing, it can be inspiring and reassuring. I am very interested to learn about behavioral therapy, this has never occurred to me to undertake and i have never heard of it before, where can i find such a thing? And Mindfulness i have not heard of either, i will take your advice onborad, i am trying to change my diet and eat better and i will begin to exercise more also, i have already changed my diet slowly and can see the benefits to my mood and overall condition.

I did have alot of control over my mind at one point in my life but it can be really hard to put mind over matter sometimes and keep it up, especially at nights. I feel like i have evolved so much during my 20s and each time i feel like i have taken a new step, again its nice to know that i have alot of time ahead of me to recover, as sometimes i get very frustrated. As for friends, i have been having some bad experienced with "toxic friends" and i have recently cut them from my life, so i have little to none friends left, i don't go out anywhere or do anything because i have noone to hang out with, they just don't understand and never will and just make fun of me all the time and just think that what i am saying is stupid and don't listen, among many other things that i have endured for years, some of them also like to take drugs, i cannot be around this anymore.. it really damaged me, so hence why i am here, i hope to meet some like minded people, i might post on the welcome page also.

Anyways thank you so much for your support again.

Rhes · ‎06-08-2016

Hi Lyall, I enjoyed reading your story in that it made me feel less alone in my experiences and can relate to it very much. I'm in my 40s and have always found it hard to relate to people. Over the years I've learned ways to be social and I found people who were understanding and accepted me as I am. An unfortunate coping mechanism I've had for too long is alcohol. I've given that up recently and found it difficult to relate to some people again, there does seem to be pressure on us to be lively, fun company at all costs. I keep in mind that we don't have to relate to people, all the time, being true to ourselves draws like minded people to us. I also try to have little chats with people during my day to day, in shops, on the street, wherever. I feel better afterwards and I think they do too, just from a short, cheerful interaction. And being on a journey to help yourself, make sense of things, is very special indeed, I'm glad I'm finally doing it after all these years! Thanks again for sharing the amazing insights into your self that you have. Great to meet you 😊

Moonstruck · ‎06-08-2016

Lyall -

Lovely to meet you and I'm glad you decided to drop in and meet some new people here..none of whom will judge you, make fun of you- but instead listen, and support in the best way they can. I'm not very good at knowing the right thing to say when someone is new, and troubled. But hey Lyall,this much I can tell you You will have no trouble"relating"to us - you don't even have to try - so stop struggling - this is where the struggling can stop. You can relax and just be "yourself" who, I suspect, is an intelligent, sensitive, deep-thinking person.

And dear Lyall - if you feel like chilling out and lightening the load a bit....check out our BB Cafe, on the BB Social Forum - it's open 24/7 - wonderful folk are dropping in and out, leaving food, having a chat (only if they feel like it) or just sitting quietly and saying nothing - that's OK too. We have some terrific fun there - have a look and see what I mean.........re your difficulty sleeping, because of horrible intrusive reliving old memories - have you tried any Relaxation/Sleep CDs......there are some good ones around - I've relied on some brilliant ones to get me through some terrible times.

Hoping some of the people here can be of help and comfort to you Lyall. Goodnight Sweet Prince!

TheSteve · ‎14-08-2016

Lyall,

Checking back in, thanks for your note. As you've seen there are many here who will share experiences with you and support you (we support each other) during times both good and bad. That is the nature of this forum and its contributors.

In regards to behavioural therapy, see your doctor and ask if he/she can make a referral for you. This can be a critical component to your recovery, and I highly recommend it. You can also call the BeyondBlue helpline or reach out on the resource page and see what can be offered.

Mindfulness is a journey one should definitely undertake in their lifetime, whether they have suffered or not. the clarity and calm that it brings, the ability to see without the filter of your mind, your habits, your feelings, your behaviours, to not judge yourself or others, is something that will improve you no matter the state you are in now. It is a permanent part of therapy which you can always turn toward, reliably, to center yourself.

Let us know how things are traveling, we are here for you. All the best.

Steve

Ly20 · ‎15-08-2016

Oh wow more support, thank you all very much, it really helps to hear other people stories and words of support, i did not expect so much, and yes i am actually undergoing behavioral therapy at the moment and i dident even realize, that is that my therapist is trying to do, so i guess i am getting the help i need, i just need more time perhaps and to listen more and remember everything, often from the sessions my therapist writes things down for me to take home and i keep it in my pocket everywhere i go and read it when i really need it because often i forget.

I am doing okay so far, i haven't checked back here in a few days and was delighted to see some new replies, i havent been to the BB section yet but i will, and as for my sleeping it hasent been the greatest, but i will give the relaxation methods a go, as i remember my therapist asking me if i could take up a habbit of meditating, so i do that when i get really stressed out but i should do it more often, i think of it as a 4 sided cube in my mind when i close my eyes, 4 deep breaths on each side in and out for 4 seconds each, its really easy to remember and it calms me down good as i can focus on my body more and not my mind, i would recommend this method to people.

Thank you again everyone, i am doing okay i have been taking medication that my gp prescribed to me but it hasent kicked in yet so ill see how i feel, again sometimes i dont like the affects it has on me, and ive been having some other health issues.

Its really nice to know that their are other intelligent and like minded people right here, it just shows you it's never too late to seek help and explore yourself and your roots. I wish you all well and thanks again, ill be back.

TheSteve · ‎16-08-2016

Good stuff Lyall, superb to hear about the progress you are making. You are right in that behavioural therapy takes time (you are recalibrating your thought process, and thus feelings and behavior - it is a process). It is clever to write down the lessons learned and practice them daily, this will speed up your progress and enhance your confidence in seeing this progress being made.

Keep up the relaxation techniques too, very good for your long term sleep habits.

You are rocking and rolling, great to hear. Let's stay on it, come back and chat anytime.

Best,

Steve