Feeling stuck with perpetual anxiety and depression

[ms108]

Hi all,

I really need some help. I have been struggling with anxiety and episodes of depression for the last few years, mainly having to do with living in a different country from my own since 17 y/o and needing to maintain a job I really didn't like to get my citizenship there (mainly to please my parents). I felt deep down angry, frustrated and as a victim, as I felt truly alone and isolated, not doing what i wanted to do and not having anyone to rely on (friends I've made during uni years have moved back to their home countries, as they were internationals too). In 2018 I have met my now partner and jumped into a long-distance relationship which caused a lot of anxiety, as I thought that this relationship would save me from my misery. Fast forward 1 year, I moved with him to Australia - which I really love btw, this is my dream place! I thought it will be really easy to adjust to a new country, having been through so many obstacles before, and in some ways it was. But in some, it wasn't. A lot of my demons and insecurities and fears have come up and added toxicity to our relationship. I was very angry and resentful and hurt - and I've hurt him a lot too. I've gone to Beyond Blue coach before, who was really helpful, but then I got a MHCP from my GP and talked to a number of (ineffective) psychologists, finally resorting to going to a psychiatrist who prescribed me SSRI medication. My partner tries to help me but he doesn't know how to handle my emotions and mood swings and I just really need someone who understands me. We have a community of friends here, however, I don't really click with his close friends which makes it a bit of a suffering experience to hang out with them often. I made some friends but I wouldn't say those relationships are strong enough, people just very busy with their own lives and I don't want to overburden them, even though I need a friendly soul. Importantly - I don't work since 2019, I'm a homemaker, however, I have several business projects. Yet I feel very isolated as I don't have regular social interaction with people and from my past experience seeking some random events to go to just makes me feel more empty and like I'm wasting my time... Bottom line - I feel stuck, disenchanted from all the help there could be - as I tried many different things but nothing seems to work - and desperately want my partner to be there for me in a way that he cannot be.

Please help me with advice of what to do and thank you!

[Lenscap]

Finding the ability to break out of an overwhelming situation can be exceedingly daunting. This can be especially true when you feel all the things around you just aren't working. To fix them all at once is a monumental task and impossible. When things were thought for me, strangely, it felt like days could last forever, but weeks and months were flying past.

I knew I was unhappy in my situation but that didn't mean I was ready to change. I started down those really simple "good advice" behaviours. Forcing myself to walk around the block every day, it was never going to make me into an athlete, or fix my friendships or make things easier at work. I struggled to do it as well. It was so easy to find any excuse to put it off, get back on my phone and just waste time away. Any excuse I could manage, even just walking around the house or cleaning out the fridge.

I was so resistant to making any change in my life despite my utter dissatisfaction with it.

After a few weeks, I was sick of walking the same block and felt I would change it up. I realised I was recognising the same faces and I went from smiling as I walked by to waving hello, then eventually stopping and talking with people. For me what came next was cooking (exercise, food, sleep - how cliche).

I realise none of this seems like a solution to your problem, but it helped me see a side of myself that I liked again. More importantly, the simple changes built in me, a confidence that I could find my way into a new version of my life that I wanted to be in.

[Daniel_LK91]

I think it would be good for you to take some chill out time for yourself and reconnect with things that you love.

Exercise is important I think at least it has helped me so maybe going for a daily walk out in nature, starting running or going to the gym on a regular basis might help.

Give the SSRI medication a go and see if it changes anything while keeping in contact with your psychiatrist for regular visits.

I was un-employed with anxiety/depression and managed to start my own business where I work for myself at home. I did a short course in massage therapy then advertised and started getting clients slowly and now I have more work than before so good for you on keeping up with your business projects.

Also don't give up on looking for psychologists and try and find one that fits with you.

Sometimes it can take some time to get used to a different country so make sure to stay in touch with your family back home too.

Hope that helps.

Daniel

[ms108]

Hi Daniel,

Yes, thank you, your advice is helpful. I have signed up for a dance class as I always enjoyed dancing, so we'll see how it goes. Also trying to keep my life more organized and pay attention to different areas of life, not just working and homemaking, but also doing the things I enjoy.

And good job for being able to start your own business. Starting your own thing on its own is intimidating, what to speak when youre battling anxiety and depression. I'm also having tomorrow a call with a coach who is a friend of a friend and she helps people to build resilience in their life. I feel like this can be a very good step, but who knows. That's the thing with this depression - every day is different. One day I feel on the top of the world and everything works out perfectly and the other day you just don't want to get out of the bed. Hopefully things will get a bit more balanced.

Thank you again.

Alina

[ms108]

Hi Lenscap,

Oh man, I can totally relate to this self-sabotage, when you know you should take an action, but your mind is not willing to get out of the so-called "comfort zone". I'm struggling with this as well. I have all the tools and right things to do but actually putting them into action is a brain muscle that has to be trained. So I completely understand. And I think this is the whole point - when you put yourself in the same situation again and again (as in your case walking around the same block), slowly it becomes very familiar and part of your life and people become more familiar and more friendly. That sounds like a good strategy. Sometimes the simplest things are the hardest.

What I'm helping me is increased understanding that my mind is not my friend - it can make me believe that it's better for me to stay at home and watch Netflix instead of trying out something new. But it's actually not trying to help me - it's trying to keep me from taking risks and carving out a new path in life. And just having this realization that I don't always have to listen to my mind and what it says, helps me a bit from stopping doing what I don't necessarily 'feel' like doing, but what is ultimately better for my mental health.