Feeling really stuck, lonely and unable to decide what I want.

[criss]

I've lived alone for years, had relationships on and off that didn't work. Never married. I spent a long time alone working on myself, my home, I travelled and did all I could to follow my truth, be honest with others, work hard and overcome my own issues at times. For the most part, outwardly I seem like I have done good. Many of those years alone I felt comfort knowing I was free to live my truth, even when I struggled I got up and kept going. I guess I believed that one day, things would fall in to place and someone would appear in my life that would complement and add that missing element. That hasn't happened. I don't worry about needing someone to live with, to offer me financial security or anything like that. I'm used to living on my own. 

However, the last few years I feel so very sad and empty inside. I can't even talk to friends about it because often they tell me how envious of my freedom they are and don't hear me. I look at joining groups, classes like I used too etc but nothing inspires me any more. I feel the world has changed around me, things aren't how they used to be. I do not find online meetup and social media at all fulfilling and don't participate although I have recently been tempted to a virtual other world platform simply to be able to feel like I can find connection. When I think about meeting someone new and a possible relationship I'm frozen and fearful and question myself whether I really want someone new because I don't trust whats out there. Many do not reveal themselves honestly any more. I look forward to work for the activity and friendships but my life at home feels so empty. I've been tempted to contact old flames just for the connection, but I've done that before and it always ends badly where I regret calling. I stop myself each time I think this way now for fear of making the wrong decision in reaching out as I have experienced alot of disappointment and let down in my life and do not want to feel that pain again. So, I'm stuck.

I'm not sure what to do from here in my life. I'm in my mid fifties, and keeping it together barely internally. Just reaching out here for so feedback and to be heard.

Thanks in advance for reading my post and sharing...

[therising]

Hi criss

Sounds like you're on a promising path toward further change. I've found while it's not always easy to see the obstacles on my path, I can definitely still feel them there. Can take what seems like forever at times to finally identify them. I had no idea what a depressing and anxiety inducing lack of time felt like until last year when I felt it full force. With so many new challenges popping up in life, how I managed my time and priorities had to change. Restructuring my life has become my #1 priority. Staying in a state of sufferance is definitely fuel for depression.

Chriss, with you having the ability to evolve your self (aka love yourself to life) in new ways, I imagine you to have the abilities of a true visionary. If you were to tap into your imagination, what do you see regarding the way forward when it comes to restructuring? If it's not entirely clear, perhaps the help of another visionary could do the trick. Personally, if I can't see the say forward I find myself another seer. They can  help kick my imagination into gear. Got any seers in your life? Btw, I've found not any old seer will do. Has to be someone who gives me exactly what I can relate to. The kind of stuff we can't relate to is pretty much useless.

[quirkywords]

Criss

thanks for your interesting and honest posts thst have generated more duscussions.

Your words below resonate with me.

“Independence and freedom takes courage and facing life head on..but one still needs understanding and consideration.”

Yes understanding and consideration rather than people saying you are lucky, many people are worse off when all we want is someone to really listen. 

I like the way you listen to others here and then write your about your feelings so thoughtfully. 
Your posts have helped me and others as many people read but don’t post.

Thanks.