Feeling out of place

[Matilda99]

Hi,

For background I suffer with really bad social anxiety and have never had friends or a social life. Recently i have been getting help and currently I’ve taken a dive in the deep end and started working at a ski resort which is about 16 hours away from my home town. I am in a shared accommodation so I am wayyy out of my comfort zone. I have arrived and it’s day 2 and I absolutely hate it I feel like crying. I want to go home basically. I don’t feel like I fit in and keep thinking this isn’t me why did I do this. I can’t make friends which makes it harder and everyone else seems to have made at least one friend. Help. 

[Guest_1055]

Hi Matilda, 

You are so super brave getting a job in a ski resort, living in shared accommodation and even living 16 hours from home. All with social anxiety. That is so so good you have done this. 

I also experience social anxiety so I can sort of relate.

Its challenging to know what to say to people. And even how to say it. I often feel so awkward and want to hide somewhere. 

My sister has reminded me many times that when faced with new people it is good to remember that they themselves may be uncomfortable or awkward and maybe don't know what to say either. It helps I think to know this.

I think if I was in your situation I would make real sure I did my work really well. Take deep breathes when I feel in a panic, and make a goal to just say hello or even just smile at one person per day. Or more if you feel relaxed enough to do it. Just take baby steps. Though getting a job and everything is no baby step. You went all in, which is absolutely awesome. 

Also if you could focus on your surroundings , like feel the cold in the air, breathe in the fresh air. Notice any small thing around you. To help get your thoughts off your struggle there. 

It does sound like an adventure. 

Good on you for choosing to go out of your comfort zone

You got this. Just little by little

[Flop]

Hi Matilda,

I absolutely admire your bravery and courage. I'm sure not even you could believe you were doing it until you actually got there. Wow. That takes tremendous strength, it's inspiring tbh.

I resonate with the feeling of "out of place", and even hating and wishing to leave things that aren't so horrible. It bothers me still, so you aren't alone. I think the out of place feeling comes from isolation, or more generally just being out of your comfort zone. Your mind literally can't believe you're there.

Guest1055 has some incredible suggestions. I think if you could, take those in as deeply as you can.

With how much I relate with your situation, and how I envy your bravery, I wish to reach you on a level I think I understand. You've already done the hardest part, you're there! You've met some of the people and are able to have small talk and you got through 2 days no problem, other then negative feelings building up in yourself. You've already broken the barrier that made it seem so impossible. You should be extremely proud of yourself! Would going home make you feel better? Potentially, but you'll be kicking yourself you escaped the most bravest thing you've ever done, and with how anxiety works, retreating from things often makes them worse.

Hopefully those words reached you positively. I also believe in time, you'll have made a friend, you'll have the feeling of belonging as well. It makes sense you'd feel so out of place, and you know what? I'm sure there's others with you feeling the very same. I'm sure the people there are eager to meet you, as Guest1055 put it, other people could be feeling awkward or nervous too.

To relax, maybe try sone guided meditations? They can be helpful in a time of need.

You'll be okay, try your best to stick it out. You're doing amazing. Hope everything improves. Proud of you!! 

[Mark Z.]

Hi Matilda,

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, but it's important to remember that it's completely normal to feel overwhelmed, especially when stepping far out of your comfort zone. It's only day two, and feelings of discomfort and homesickness are very normal when entering a new environment. Try to remind yourself that it's okay to take some time to adjust. It's very early to be judging whether you fit in or not.

Don't hurry up making friends, take care of yourself first, hysically and mentally. Eat well, get enough sleep, exercise, take time to relax. You can also practice mindfulness or meditation to help manage your anxiety. Establishing a daily routine can help bring some stability and familiarity, reducing the sense of everything being new and uncertain. This can be as simple as having a regular time for meals, exercise, or relaxation.

Just because you're physically distant doesn't mean you have to be emotionally distant. Call or video chat with family back home when you're feeling lonely or anxious. They can provide a sense of familiarity and comfort.

Don't pressure yourself to make friends quickly. Take small steps towards socialising, such as striking up a conversation with a co-worker, or attending social events and just listening to others. Over time, you will gradually feel more comfortable. A ski resort is full of activities, so try to find ones you enjoy. This can also be a good way to meet people who share your interests. Reward yourself for each small victory. Each conversation, each new experience is a step forward.

If your anxiety continues to feel overwhelming, it might be a good idea to talk to a mental health professional. Many offer online sessions, so you could even continue working with someone from your home town. You can also ring BeyondBlue 24/7 hotline to get some professional advice.

Remember, it's okay to not feel okay right now. Change is hard, but it also brings growth. Be patient with yourself, and take it one day at a time.

Mark