Feeling Lost...

[Daisy129]

I'm relatively new here and finding this a little terrifying but maybe it will help to share

I have been dealing with anxiety (GAD and social anxiety) and depression for my whole life but wasn't diagnosed til my 20's

I am now in my 40s and have had phases of life in which I have been able to be happy and productive

Right now though I am feeling quite lost, I have little children and am a single mum

I am good at putting on a brave face and dealing with the challenges of being a mum when the kids are here but when they go to their dads I just get this horrible lost feeling

The house is in such a muddle and I feel like I should use the time they are away to catch up on chores and clean but I just end up standing around the house looking at the mess and feeling overwhelmed

I tend to just eat food and watch movies instead, and then feel guilty for not doing anything

I keep trying to motivate myself to get out and go for a walk or do some exercise to get myself moving but I just cannot shift the feeling enough to get myself going....

[kanga_brumby]

Hi Daisy I am another single parent so I know the feeling when the children aren't there. Then you feel beauty I will catch up with this and that. Then do the other. When there gone no motivation because they aren't there. You cope with it when there, there, because you have to. It's what is expected of you as a parent. You do need personnel time to look after yourself go to the movies alone. Coffee with friends, a girls night out what ever. So don't beat up on yourself relax for a spell. You deserve it.

Kanga

[Daisy129]

Thank you Kanga, It is nice to get 'permission' to take it easy. I have always found it hard to relax when there are things to do but I guess that's the life when you have kids, you kind of have to get used to living in chaos. I might try again tomorrow, Thanks for your reply 🙂

[White_Rose]

Hello Daisy

I can relate to the feeling of listlessness, when everything is such an effort and sitting around feels good. May I make a suggestion to you. I know us moms feel we need to be available to our children all the time and at the same time have the cleanest home in the street and the best meals on the table, to take our children to their various activities, make sure the garden is looked after. This is a description of Superwoman and neither of us is that.

My suggestion is to make a place for yourself where you feel comfortable. Perhaps in a sheltered spot in the garden, a corner of your lounge room, even your bedroom though that may not be the best. Have a comfortable chair, a book or sewing or knitting or anything you enjoy doing. Then arrange your timetable to have at least half an hour there everyday.

We can do it. After all we timetable running the children to places, picking them up from school, going shopping etc. Make a time for you. Tell your children this is your time to relax. They will get a more relaxed mom and also start to understand you are not wound up everyday, ready to run round after them. You have needs as well.

Bringing up children on your own is hard work. If we could go without sleep I'm certain we could find tasks 24/7. Life isn't about working it's about living. What a great example for your children to see that mom is entitled to her own time as well as them and you are looking after yourself.

I know it will take a little time to be comfortable doing this but persevere, you will enjoy that small space of time to yourself. I was going to say take an hour but that may be pushing it.

I don't know how you are financially placed, but can you get someone to do your housework, at least once a fortnight? I did this after I returned to work and it was such a relief. Once a fortnight my house was clean and tidy and that was an enormous help.

I don't know how old your children are, but they can learn to do jobs. When my children came home from school they changed into play clothes. Uniforms were supposed to be put into the linen basket for me to wash. If they weren't there I didn't go looking, just washed what there was. Inevitably there would be a cry of "I've got no clean uniform". I pointed out the rule and they would rush off and get their clothes to be put in the basket. Too late. Even if I washed immediately they would not be dry for school. They learned fast. Try giving your little ones some jobs.

Mary

[Guest_523]

Hi Daisy, I do a lot of the same things, I get lost in cinema, love movies and eating during (lol). I cannot stand a messy house but I am very overwhelmed most of the time with it. I exercise a lot, I really push myself. I just wanted to say hello and to keep on working at it. Even though I am new here and I have not posted a lot the last few days, just for me knowing that I have access to these forums feels good. The guilt thing. Hmm. I feel guilty for everything and I should not. But I do understand the heaviness about guilt. Just keep trying to change and drop that guilt feeling and do the best that you can. We are all human and have flaws, I have a lot lol. But just keep on keeping on it will get better. Kind regards Rob

[White_Rose]

Hello Bob

Nice to meet you and welcome to the forum. I am so pleased you find these forums useful. I have noticed your posts elsewhere. It's great that you post and support others. Do you have a post of your own? If you feel you would like to 'talk' about the events and difficulties in your life please start a thread. Supporting people on their threads is great but not necessarily what you want to talk about. IF this is the case then start a thread of your own as you may not get many replies in another thread. Your posts may get lost amongst the other replies.

Mary

[highlysensitivepersonhsp]

Hello Daisy129, so nice to meet you. My name is Sandra and I am new to the forum too, but not as new as you. So, welcome. I too have suffered with anxiety, especially social anxiety, so I think I understand the courage it took for you to sign up to the forum and speak about your problems. Well done!

I think I hear your problem as feeling lost when the children are with their dad and you are alone. It seems that when you have time on your hands, you can think of things to do, but that you can't get motivated. Anxiety will do that to you, it lowers your motivation. Then you feel guilty for not doing what you tell yourself needs to be done.

What a terrible bind you find yourself in. If only you could break the cycle and push yourself to act then you would feel good rather than more anxious about the situation. I have a mess in my dining room that I just make worse sometimes. When I have free time...which I have a lot of, I have no kids or partner, I am single...I just ignore the mess and avoid the problem by doing things I like better.

I guess the key would be to decide to do something about it and act straight away. Don't put it off any longer. To act in spite of my resistance. Then I would be happy with myself and feel better.

You deserve credit for taking the steps to join the forum. It is an indication that you can overcome your anxiety. Do not underestimate your ability to cope. Use that power to tackle your desires. You want to tidy up, you can do it. You have inner strength as well as inner drives. Follow your intuition and push yourself forward. Face your anxiety and tell it that it won't control your life.

I hope you find good support and guidance here at the forum. That has been what I am trying to do. Love to hear how you go. Stay in touch.

Sandra

[kanga_brumby]

Daisy I still have difficulty living in chaos. But some times you have to. With my two they would leave there toys all through the house. I would start cleaning up moving the toys toward the wheelie bin. Saying they were being thrown out with the mess. The children would object of coarse no no no. I would stop talk to the eldest saying I had something to do. Walk off start loading the washing machine, taking my time about it. Giving them time to put the toys in the toy box. A rotten trick that worked they never rely worked out I was tricking them. Till they were older but by then the eldest knew to help clean house. Made it better for all of us. The youngest (boy) never rely got it. Even when because of him eating and leaving half eaten food all over the house. Brought on a mouse invasion, which I dealt with straight away. You learn to deal with the important things now, the rest can wait. But you still have to deal with them sooner or later.

Kanga

[Daisy129]

Wow, Thank you Mary, you have given some great tips and your words are very supportive and greatly appreciated.

I like the idea of creating my own space, I tend to go into my little girls room a lot because it is the nicest and most organised space but I can see that a more neutral space for me would be good.

I would love to get someone to help with the house stuff or in the garden but unfortunately not in a financial position to do that at the moment.

My son helps a little with chores which is great so I just need to keep training him, I like what you did with the uniforms 🙂

Thank you for responding

[Daisy129]

Hi Rob, Thank you, sometimes it's just nice to know there are others and that you're not the only one going through these things. I love movies because I am really interested in people and love watching them interact without the pressure of being part of it, it's a nice escape sometimes from the real world 🙂 Yes, guilt is a hard one, sorry to hear you have such a hard time but glad to hear that the forums here are helping you, these posts have really made me feel so much less alone already, and your words are appreciated 🙂