Feeling hopeless

[PQ123]

Hi guys,

I'm new here. Trying to reach out.

Recently, i've been crying my eyes out for small things. Actually it all started when I kept failing my exams.

I'm a university student. Moved to a different country because my parents thought we will have a better future. All they want is for me to graduate. And I can't seem to do that. I keep failing. I haven't told them that I failed and they are expecting me to graduate this coming March.

I don't know what to do. Ever since I failed, I kept feeling sad, crying every night. I can't help but to compare myself to my friends who have already graduated and are successful.

I appreciat my parents, they only want me to graduate, and I already failed once. Ever since, they have been comparing me to my other friends who have already graduated and are successful. I get scared when they see a post from their family friend who had a child who recently graduated because I know that they will pressure me more. One time, my dad suddenly got angry because I still haven't graduated. I am still stuck, worthless and a failure.

I've always had a low self-esteem. Maybe from all the criticisms that I always get from my parents that I only realized recently. I always feel so inferior.

I work nowadays and my mental state is causing a problem. I don't like going to work because I feel like everyone is just going to judge me and look down on me. I get palpitations whenever I am on my way to work.

I don't know what my problem is. I just feel so useless. A failure. Thats all I see in my parent's eyes.

I have to tell them the truth soon. And I am panicking. I've been thinking so much about suicide but I've been trying so hard to come up with ways to live on. Like getting a new course that can make me motivated. Or just move out from my parent's house because I know as long as I am under their roof, I will always feel insecure and pressured.

But still, the suicidal thoughts have been increasing. I don't know what to do. I want to live but I am afraid of the future. I don't want to feel this way anymore.

[Sophie_M]

Hey PQ123,
Welcome to the Beyond blue forums. We hope this is somewhere you can feel safe to share your thoughts and feelings. 

We're so sorry to hear how difficult things have been. It sounds like your parents are putting a lot of pressure on you to graduate. Please know that you are not a failure or useless. Many people will not pass one or more subjects at university, particularly if its a really difficult subject! We think it's important to tell your parents how you are feeling and what has happened at university. You might be surprised at how understanding they can be!  We'd encourage you to reach out and call our support service. We’re available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our professional mental health counsellors at our Support Service will give you support and point you in the right direction for help in your area. We've also sent you a private message with other support options you might like to use.  However, if you feel unable to keep yourself from acting on your thoughts about suicide or self-harm this is an emergency and you need to call 000. We hope to hear from you soon PQ123. Please keep us updated. 

Sophie M.
 

[iamanxiety]

Hi all,

good step reaching out ,there are some great people on here.

we all really need to stop comparing ourselves to others it's really unfeplfull ,i do the same to myself . I have freinds I grew up with that have seemingly perfect lives and and I torment myself in thinking where did I go wrong, then I look at others who are in much more difficult situations than me and it puts it in perspective sometimes.

I know the stress of study can be high especially if we are not meeting our or others expectations.

I could not even imagine being able to think of doing a course when my deppresion is at its lowest .

if you seek some help through counselling,freinds ,parents ,medication what ever works for you the study may fall in line when you are in a better headspace.

when I got my medications and therapy right I did quite well in my study's as my mind was clear . without treatment I could barely string a sentence together and would not have been able to face any major.

good step coming to the forum, hopefully others may have some better advise.

all the best
Andrew