feeling desperate

Raynor · ‎23-04-2017

on wednesday i have to talk to an international audience of experts in another country. i can't. i know all the good advice about how to manage it. i've done it all. i'm well prepared. it makes no difference. and i can't not go unless im seriously ill. in hospital.

MsPurple · ‎23-04-2017

Hi Raynor. Sorry to hear you are struggling with anxiety. Have you talked to a doctor or counsel about your struggles? I had huge anxiety issues when I was doing my research project. Once I finished my research semester I didn't think I would ever have to go back. They then asked me to return to do a speech. I didn't think I could do it. I was struggling really hard and having lots of anxiety issue before the speech. I didn't think I could do the speech but I did what my therapist said, take deep breaths and it really try and believe in myself. It was really hard but I did it. II now you may think you can't do it but have faith. If I could do it and I thought I was going to have a panic attack however I didn't. It all went ok. Maybe talk to your dr or therapist if you think that would help. You can do it. I believe in you, you just need to believe in yourself. It will be hard but it will give you a huge sense of accomplishment.

Raynor · ‎06-05-2017

thanks purple. i did it. I really spaced out and floated so i'm not exactly sure how well it went but a couple of people said positive things to me afterwards so it can't have been a total disaster. I'm going to have to get used to this sort of thing... i thought the more that i did it the easier it would get but i don't think that's happening. probably i should tell my therapist but the problem is i'm trying to convince him i'm healthy so he'll give me the recommendation i need. thanks for your reply 🙂

Blue_Jane · ‎06-05-2017

Hi Raynor

That is great news. Well done. It must feel like a huge sense of achievement and relief. And even better that you heard from a few people afterwards.

For those of us who have anxiety, we tend to be really tough on ourselves. We also tend to focus on things that don't need to be focused on as much - sounds like in this situation the presentation was taking up all of your thinking.

If you have to do it again in your role is there a way you can get used to the feeling like practicing speeches and presentations in front of colleagues or friends or family? Or just standing up in a room and practicing by yourself?

I too have to give a few presentations at work. I am fine when I am sitting down with a group of people around a table, but as soon as I have to stand up I stutter, get nervous, lose my personality and go into auto pilot. It is so frustrating. The thing is, afterwards I hear that I was fine but just appeared a bit nervous and not myself. I keep trying to tell myself that people are there to learn something for themselves and they want you to enjoy sharing the information.

Do you know when the next presentation is?

Blue Jane

Raynor · ‎21-05-2017

hi Jane, yeah the next is in June. everything is messed up now. probably this is the wrong thread or forum i do'nt konow. I don't think I cand do more. My pscyholist i s making things worse and i really don't konw what to do or if I care now. sorry I hope this is oka y to say here,just trying too connect. Rayne

Blue_Jane · ‎21-05-2017

Hi Rayner

No need to apologise. We are here for support.

Why is everything messed up now? Why is your psychologist making things worse?

Look forward to hearing from you.

Blue Jane

Croix · ‎21-05-2017

Dear Raynor~

I'll start by saying the following is guesswork, please feel free to disregard it or set me straight. I'm doing the best I can to help, if it's misdirected I apologize.

I've read all that you've said here and thought about things. While you have not given a lot of details it looks like you have two opposing things coming together. Your desire to do a particular job involving international speaking and a need to deal with what is possibly massive anxiety.

The reason I say anxiety, and I'm only another ordinary person, not a doctor, is that your words remind me very much of myself years ago. I don't have the skills to diagnose you, only draw parallels with my own experiences, so if I'm off track please make allowances.

I have PTSD, anxiety and depression. To start with whilst still in my job I could not accept how ill I had become and remained in the job. This too involved speaking in public, though in a different arena. As the job was what caused my illness things got worse until I could function no more.

If I had understood and sought help at an earlier stage my career and mental health might have been salvaged.

You did mention words to the effect you were not being completely open with your therapist as you need a recommendation for something.

I would think -and I admit I do not know all the details - that this may not be a good long-term move. If you are suffering from an illness -such as anxiety -then trying to soldier on alone could well be a poor thing to do, it certainly was for me.

I found at the time I was not able to think clearly about things or estimate my capabilities accurately all by myself.

Would you like to say more here? I'd like to emphasize this place is completely judgment free and totally anonymous. It may help to clear your thoughts and enable you to see your future course more clearly.

There are most often alternatives, life is rarely an all or nothing. Sometimes adjustments are all that is necessary. We would all love you to be able to get over this hurdle and continue with the presentations without such adverse reactions.

Croix

geoff · ‎22-05-2017

hello Raynor, a monumental moment for you, one which you will always remember, to speak to an 'audience of experts in another country', it would be just as tough talking to a bunch of children and it's not something that you may become used to.
If you ask any celebritity, singer, speaker, or performer they are always nervous berfore they go on stage, even Dame Edna who has people in hysterics, in the palm of his hand, often refers to being anxious, and the reason is because people get frightened whether the audience will join in with them and take note of what has been said, or in turn laugh on cue, but as soon as this happens then the sweat, shaking and massive heart beat stops, you become more relaxed.
So that's what you have to keep in mind before you go on stage and start talking, it's not going to stop everything, the dry lips, but make sure there is a glass of water next to you, and briefly make your comments to be written down in point form, such as point 1 introduce yourself, point 2 discuss one paticular comment etc.
You won't ever be able to stop this anxiety, but you can try and reduce the effects of it, you will build courage and determination, with recollections of the positive support you have had before. Geoff.