Feel lost and empty

[jim4372]

Hi Im very new to this,

Not sure where to start but I cant seem to find who I am and how to become happy. I struggle really hard to talk about anything to anyone including mates and my girlfriend, and I'm not comfortable talking to family or a professional. I shut out emotion because its the only way I know how to deal with stuff. I know lots of people care about me but I cant figure out how to care for myself and like me for who I am. I frequently get anxiety that Im just a joke to people and my girlfriend is cheating on me or something, Im not sure why because I know its stupid to think. I can still laugh and go out and have fun with mates but as soon as Im alone or it gets late i feel completely empty and like nothing can fix it. I have no idea what to do in life or where I am going, I feel very useless and unsuccessful in everything I do.

[Sophie_M]

Hi jim4372,

Welcome to the forums, we are so glad you decided to join us here. We know it can be hard to write the first post, so thank you for having the courage. We're sorry to hear that you've been feeling so low, and and we understand that this feeling must be especially overwhelming if you struggle to open up to others and reach out. But please know that you don't have to do this alone, and our community is here to offer you as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

If you feel it may be helpful, you are also always welcome to get in touch with Kids Help Line. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. We'd also welcome you to reach out to Headspace. Headspace is an organisation specifically for young people aged 12-25 and they offer a wide range of services including group programs which are a great opportunity to meet people. They also have a group chat on their webpage.

We hope that you keep checking back in and let us know how you are going when you feel up to it. We're all here for you.


 

[therising]

Hi jim

Definitely tough at times to work out who we naturally are. Until we rediscover our natural self, there can be an enormous amount of questions: Who am I? Why am I here? Why can't I be happy? The list can get pretty long. On top of it all, we can be dealing with some seriously challenging chemistry along the way. Not enough dopamine surging around in our brain to feel any significant 'pay off' or not enough serotonin to lead us to feel generally happy are 2 factors that can lead us to naturally question 'Why can't I feel life the way I really want to?'

If we were fortunate in having a good start in life, we began the experience in the first 4 years or so as our natural self. We were naturally excited about most things. We were naturally curious, often asking 'Why?' to just about every and we were naturally wonderful (full of wonder). So, where did the excitement go? What about all that natural curiosity and questioning? What about the wonder of it all, the wonder of life? What happened to our imagination?

Jim, you're obviously still wonderful because you're wondering about a lot of things at the moment. I imagine you're looking for the kind of excitement that'll get the wow factor going. A little hard to achieve with so many restrictions at the moment. I'm wondering if you're in some way bored with life and need a whole new stack of adventures to look forward to. Every time we add a venture to our repertoire of experiences, we're adventuring. You're also asking a lot of significant potentially life changing questions. Having experienced a period of my life in depression, I can look back and understand some of the factors that kept me there for all those years. One significant one was not knowing who I naturally was because no one showed me. It's something I've gradually and painstakingly discovered for myself over the years.

Imagine we had someone with us 24/7, raising us to ask all the right questions (in order to raise our consciousness to more questions and revelations). Imagine they picked all the right adventures for us to undertake, ones that frequently led us to happiness. Imagine wondering about how they could lead you to access your emotions in the most amazing of ways, ways that are astounding. If you can imagine this, you haven't lost your imagination either.

If you don't seem to have anyone with this level of enthusiasm around you, the challenge can be to find them and in the process you may also come to find this person in you.

🙂

[smallwolf]

hi and welcome to beyond blue.

while you said that you struggle to talk to anyone about how you feel you did a pretty good job here. For the better part of my life I have kept my feelings to myself to save the embarrassment that would follow if I did open my mouth.

a place where you could start is in the threads on the forums here about grounding and mindfulness. There are also books you might find helpful, as well as apps you can have on your phone. Perhaps the most (relatively speaking) is that if that if the above does not work and you have difficulties talking to your friends and family, then it is both OK an safe to talk to a professional.

we can talk more about the other stuff you mentioned in your post later on. Right now I want you to know that I am listening to you and there are other users here who will also support you.

Tim

[ZeroCool]

Hi team,

A lot of you have said jim4372 is sounding familiar to me. I find that I have also been withdrawing from social contact as well, much before covid19. I often suffer from a feeling that everything is closing in on me. For a period of time, I would be spending a lot of money on stuff that I would think afterwards, why did I buy that ? I am still fortunate enough to have a job and I constantly feel as if things are working against me and that I need to do more. I also do find it difficult to stay focused as I feel that there are the inner voices telling me that I will fail. I usually end up doubting myself and this can cause problems at work as well. I have had thoughts to resign from my current job. I want to speak with friends about this but I don't as this is not what I should be doing and it would bad, sound stupid. I am unsure of what to do now as I feel there is a combination of things in my case at certain times.
I am struggling to understand and feel aimless. I also feel embarrassed using this forum as well, even though I know I should not be.
I am sorry if this is jumbled and random.

[jim4372]

Hey tim,

do you mind me asking how you got used to talking? I can’t communicate emotions well and I rarely ever cry. Thanks a lot for the response.

[therising]

Hi jim

Not sure if it will be of any help but I'll throw it out there anyway:

Emotion is incredibly important for a lot of reasons. If we've never been taught the art of reasoning our way through emotion, things can feel stressful and depressing at times. Can be plenty of reasons for an inability to manage emotion and a significant one is suppression:

• In expressing 'I'm feeling so stressed at the moment' you may have been met with 'You'll be right'. Although the intention is to be consoling, the statement is dismissive. While the stress plays around with your mind , it also plays with your nervous system in many ways. There remains no management plan to deal with the challenges the stress is related to
• You can be a highly sensitive emotional kid. You may cry or scream for good reason (not being heard, being deprived of joyful experiences and so on). You may be told to 'toughen up'. Again, no management plan. Crying or screaming is 'venting'. It's a way of naturally dealing with stress, anger, agitation etc. When people say to you over and over again 'You're too sensitive, you need to toughen up', what they're advising is to not vent and not to express yourself. You can end up holding a lot inside and you can also end up losing self expression. In reality, anger can be an expression of being unheard, being dismissed, feeling injustice. So while you try suppressing intolerance, your nervous system pays the price. If you've been conditioned not to vent, but to feel numb, crying may eventually become almost impossible
• We feel fear through our nervous system. You can feel the rise to fear (churning in the gut, increased heart rate, hyperactive breathing, muscle tension and so on). 'Just get over it' isn't any sort of management plan in handling the mind (perception) and body (nervous system). Being encouraged to talk or reason your way through fear is skillful. If we haven't been taught this skill, the fear can become debilitating

So much fixation on mental emotion without education about physical emotion (how mental emotion interacts with our physical self).

If you don't wish to talk to anyone at the moment about your emotions and challenges, an idea may involve reasoning with yourself. 'What is the reason I can't feel joy?' could lead to the revelation 'I've never explored what joy really is and how it feels as a physical sensation. I'll explore looking into some things that may bring me joy. See what works and what doesn't'.

Take care

[smallwolf]

Hi jim4372,

Might have to give a little context here...

when I was younger, much younger than today (song in there somewhere) people would do one a few things - walk away, say "not interested in what you have to say", "what are you trying to say!" among other things. When you hear that enough you learn to the keep quiet.

With all of that you learn not to express yourself, your thoughts because you think they are not interested in what you have to say, or in the case of mental health "you are making it all up".

Once I started seeing a psychologist which I treated like seeing a GP... anyway, I would get homework to do, like (what I term as) rocking the boat, or speaking my mind and seeing what the effect is. Or I would have to tell my wife about my suicidal thoughts. But these things did not happen immediately. It would take time.

So even if you feel as though you are not in a position to talk about issues, then give yourself some time in which you can build a relationship with someone where you might be able to feel comfortable in being open with them.

Hope that helps.

Tim