Fear of getting long covid

[durintam]

Hello,

It's been a good 4 years since COVID-19 has become a part of our society and culture. Though many people have forgotten it, with relaxed restrictions, less people wearing masks, it's still a prevalent thing that exists. I even got a little complacent with all the relaxed restrictions, and though I had the passive idea that it is still going around, it didn't bother me like it is bothering me now.

I got COVID last week, and very fortunately recovered quickly and without much impact. I think this is my third time since the start of the pandemic in 2020. Once in 2022, 2023 and now 2024. But this time round, what has stuck with me is this lingering fear of Long COVID. Something about being debilitated and unable to function, and that being outside of your control, has been frightening to me. I have managed to overcome a spiral by realizing the ironic fact that worrying and being anxious about becoming chronically sick is taking away from the time that I'm not!

But I've noticed myself become a bit more conscious of having my hands clean, washing them a lot more often, and getting frustrated when I need to touch my face for an itch, because I don't want to build (or reinforce) a habit that might increase my risk of getting COVID again. Being clean and hygienic is good, but I feel like I'm slipping, becoming a bit obsessive and irrational about it, because it's all so much to maintain and it feels overwhelming, but at the same time I don't want to get COVID again.

What I mean by hard to maintain is that, the recommended preventative strategies for COVID is to wash hands properly, cover cough and sneezes, try not to touch face, stay up to date with vaccines and boosters. But as much as I wash my hands, There are so many things I touch and interact with in the day, potentially something that could be dirty or contaminated, and I might need to itch my face or touch it without me realizing, then I'll have to go back to wash my hands so I can safely touch my face. What if I might touch my face subconsciously, or I might need to scratch an itch near my nose or mouth or eye? If I constantly wash my hands or hand sanitizing after I touch anything, I will have reassurance that my hands were clean and I've lowered risk of catching covid. But... that seems excessive, it feels like an unhealthy anxious behaviour, and I don't want to live with that image of constantly washing my hands... But... short of doing it means I wouldn't actually be sure that my hands are clean and lower the risk if I touched my face, so what's even the point?

I've also been feeling selfish. That despite me being part of a low risk demographic (young, working immunity, no chronic illnesses) my main concern with getting COVID is not to reduce risk of spreading for people who are actually at risk, but rather my selfish obsession and fear for my own self-preservation.

I hate that I am feeling like this. I feel so stupid for feeling like this. I have been unemployed for the past few months, and perhaps that has given me too much free-time to let these thoughts fester. Fortunately I have managed to get employment somewhere and these thoughts and this behavior has not been encouraging to my capacity to function at work when the time comes.

[Sophie_M]

Hello Durintam, 

Welcome to the forums and thank you so much for sharing your story! 

The thought of long Covid impacting you is genuinely very scary, so what you are feeling is understandable (and not at all stupid!) When we sit with the idea that we could be debilitated by something out of our control, it is easy to find ourselves anxious.

It seems like anxiety-brain is being extra hypervigilant with your hygiene practices right now (which usually only provides momentary comfort and can actually reinforce the idea that our thoughts are immediate threats). It can be such an overwhelming cycle to be in and we completely hear why your mind is protecting you in this way - it seems like you’re really needing some soothing and reassurance right now. Perhaps you could think about some people, places, or things to connect with, which help to evoke a sense of safety for you?

Often, anxiety latches onto doubt and the unknown when there are other bigger things going on for us too (because our minds love control and certainty), so you could be onto something here with the idea that more time to think whilst not working has been impacting! 

Something that may help with this sense of anxiety is practicing mindfulness and acceptance of the uncertainty that accompanies the scary thoughts (we know, it's tough). However, over time, this practice allows the brain to respond to the thoughts differently by seeing them as just that: thoughts.

When we acknowledge the thoughts, soothe the body through movement or meditation, and redirect our attention to what we are doing in the present, we give ourselves a chance to regulate our nervous system and have a new experience of the thought/feeling; one that doesn't feel so threatening!

We encourage finding a mindfulness app or program that feels good for you. You can always start with Smiling Mind:
Smiling Mind App — Smiling Mind

Wishing you all the best and hoping things feel lighter for you very soon. Our support service is available 24/7 if you need to talk further. 
Talk to a counsellor - Beyond Blue - Beyond Blue

Warm regards,
Sophie M.  
 

[blondguy]

Hello Durintam

Welcome to the forums!  Im sorry for the delayed response. We are usually quick to respond. 

I thought your post was excellent as 'Long Covid' can be  a problem for a some people. Sometimes the fear of a 'possible' issue occurring can sometimes cause more health issues than the condition itself. You are strong by posting from the heart as well as you have! You mentioned "low risk demographic (young, working immunity, no chronic illnesses"  That speaks volumes!!

Please be kind to yourself....You deserve it and thankyou for being a part of the Beyond Blue Family too!

Im Paul...one of the many gentle volunteers that can be here for you

[durintam]

Hello Sophie and blondguy,

Thank you both so much for your kind words and advice.

I have found myself coming back and re-reading your responses, but ironically, for other feelings and thoughts.

When I wrote the post, I was expecting it to get immediately bounced back because I exceeded the word limit. And a few days later the anxiety and distress I was feeling specifically about this issue began to dissapate in intensity.

In that time since feeling less worried about long covid and now, I wouldn't say that I have been feeling "cured" or completely unanxious. In fact, there have been things that have been quite distressing for me that isn't for this forum chain right now. Anxiety has been something prevelant in my life for many years, and it don't think it has been a linear journey of growth, circumstances, experiences, relationships... all so complicated and ever-changing.

The reason why I have come back to reread what has been said by both of you is because I think it relates to my current thoughts and feelings.

I am fortunate to be seeing a psychologist every fortnight, and in the last session many of the points mentioned by Sophie; mindfulness, acceptance, were similar things to what was mentioned by my psychologist, to regulate my heightened nervous system. And so I've been doing my best to do those thofgs: I'm going to Yoga on Mondays (and trying to do it occasionally at home) and I've been using the Smiling Minds app. One thing I haven't quite figured out yet is how to comfortably "accept" and "observe" thoughts, but I'm chipping away at it.

I might post another post about these other feelings im feeling. I'm not sure at the moment.

Either way, I'm grateful for the responses and I just wanted to say something about that.

[blondguy]

Hey Durintam

Its always nice to get a response (even though its not expected) and thankyou!

Just for your information. I joined Beyond Blue in 2016 when I was in a bad way with chronic anxiety and the support I have received has been so helpful. I still have frequent counselling like yourself. It can be a rocky road to finding some peace yet there are many gentle people that can be here for you.

There is no such thing as a dumb question on the forums. The forums are a safe and non judgmental place for us to post. Your privacy and well being is paramount to Beyond Blue. 

you are not alone 

Paul