Fear of death - the "unknown"

[unigirl1994]

Hi all. I've been a member on here for a while, have been feeling really well lately with my treatment methods.

However tonight I had a massive panic attack in bed after thinking about dying... not the method of dying but about what happens when. I know this might sound stupid as logically I know it's inevitable and we cease conscious thought after it happens, but I can't wrap my head around it. We're here, living, and then nothing? It makes me scared, and upset because I hate that I can't stop it. I get upset knowing I was brought into this world just to die eventually.

I'm wondering if anyone has had experience with voicing these concerns, as I'm wondering if counselling may help?

I should also mention that in a few weeks I'm going on holidays to a country I visited two years ago, however 3 days in to my trip, my grandmother passed away. So I'm thinking it has made me feel on edge due to the bad memories even though I love the location and can't wait to be on holiday.

[quirkywords]

welcome unigirl1994 to the forum.

When you mentioned about the passing of your grandma while on holidays, you fears seemed to make sense.

I have worried about dying and what happens next etc but if I find myself thinking such thoughts I distract myself .

How would you feel if you have these thoughts that you look at websites or brochure s about your holiday or plan something really nice to do in that country?

This works for me but I am sure people may have other suggestions that may suit you more.

Thanks for sharing as many people will relate to your post.

Quirky

[Doolhof]

Hi unigril1994,

Being afraid of death is something that many people probably fear, but may find it to be a bit of a taboo subject. Here you can openly express how you feel and know that people will be supportive and understanding.

I too wonder if your mind is relating your Grandmother's death to your last trip. I'm sorry your Grandmother died while you were away, that may have been a very difficult and sad time for you. Now you have another trip planned your mind may be associating time away with death.

Yes, we do all die, that is a part of life. For me, thoughts of my own death are peaceful ones as I have a faith that helps me to believe that death is not the end but the beginning of something else.

For you, at the moment death is something to be concerned about. It may help to have a chat with a counsellor.

It may help for you to write down all that you are concerned about an hour or so before you go to bed so it is all out of your mind. Once you have written down all the hurtful stuff, write down the good things about living. It be as simple as the taste of your favourite food, your favourite flower, anything you can think of.

If you don't mind me asking, were you close to your Grandmother or was your Grandmother one of the first people in your family to die? This too may have an impact on how you feel about death.

Some people like to light a candle in memory of a loved one. I know it has comforted me in the past.

Hope some of this helps. Cheers from Dools

[unigirl1994]

Hi Dools,

Your reply really got me thinking. My grandmother and I were extremely close, she was a vital part of my upbringing. She is the second person i have known to have died, however the first was another grandmother that I was not close to and wasn't devastated by like this.

It's also worth noting that I have two parents in the emergency services and therefore have always been aware of the possibility of their early death. My partner of 8 years has also recently joined the police force and is very interested in the dangerous "swat team"/anti terrorism type of job path. He has also recently stated that he does not wish to grow old and sick and would rather die young on a good note. This is also contributing to my anxiety I think.

I was brought up without religion but sometimes wish I was, as then I may be less worried about my impending death...

Thanks for taking time to reply.

[Doolhof]

Hi Unigril,

You are more than welcome to my comments, I am pleased they have helped you to consider where your feelings are coming from.

Many nations and ethnic groups around the world celebrate the passing of a person in so many different ways. Some people honour the dead each year, maybe on the anniversary of their death, on their birth dates and on a National Day to remember the dead.

Maybe you could investigate some of these practices and you may be able to come up with something you are comfortable with yourself when remembering your Grandmother and thinking about death in general.

In the Western culture I don't know if we deal with death in a "healthy" manner at all. It is almost as though it is taboo to mention a person who has died and than we seem to expect people to not grieve and be upset about the death of a loved one.

Having a partner and parents in high risk industries must also make the likelihood of death seem more immanent. It does not mean that will necessarily be the case though. I had friends who had an eight year old son die in his sleep for no know reason. We just don't know.

While you are on your trip, you might like to write out a letter or a post card to your Grandmother. You can either keep it or throw it away. It may help to feel closer to her memory while you are away.

Please know too that I believe it is okay to enjoy yourself even though you are sad at the loss of a loved on.

Cheers to you, from Dools