Family

[Heidi]

My husbands siblings have organised a holiday together without even asking us, it’s made me really upset. I feel bad for my husband as he’s such a nice guy and would never want to leave anyone out. 
It’s now hard to act like everything is normal around them, I just don’t know what to do. I feel like distancing myself but is that the right thing to do? Sounds like a small issue but I don’t know why it’s made me upset. 

[tranzcrybe]

Ostracisation is the polite way of being insulting.

But, as adults, it isn't unusual to develop stronger bonds (usually from shared interests) among certain siblings. Be happy they have this at least and try not to make assumptions that this is anything 'personal'.

[Hi_]

Hi, of course it would make you upset if you felt left out. Have you tried to ask why you and your husband were not asked to come? Perhaps they assumed you were busy with your lives or it was a spontaneous trip and was rushed? Distancing yourself would make it harder for your husband as at the end of the day it is his family and he wouldn't want to choose between you and his siblings. I would be open with his siblings if you are comfortable, and see if there was a misunderstanding.

[quirkywords]

Heidi thanks for your post 

If the siblings asked your husband but not you, how would you feel. I know where adult siblings have a weekend away usually around a special birthday.

I think asking why they didn’t invite your husband may help you. Are any of the spouses going.?

[Fiatlux]

Hi Heidi,

You haven’t mentioned whether his siblings are married with their own partners or children so I will assume that it’s a holiday for them and their partners.

My husband is an only child but I am one of four siblings. My brother and my husband were not exactly close and as my brother was a little bit of a show off and a***hole towards us, I distanced myself from him and his wife. He married a girl from a wealthy family compared to mine.

So, her family had a few holiday homes and my brother would invite other friends and family to weekend parties at her parents houses as a way to show off. My cousin once asked me why we were never at these parties so my brother felt obligated to invite us once we were married.

As my brother was really rude to me and would try to humiliate me for marrying poor, I accepted their invitation once, but we never had any intention of going. 

My brother went to great lengths to draw us a map of how to get to this cliff top house on the beach as we didn’t have google maps and the road to the house wasn’t in the Melways back then.

My husband really didn’t want to go and drive 4 hours just to be the butt of my brothers jokes for an entire weekend. I wouldn’t ever give him that satisfaction while his wife giggled along. 

It was upsetting at the time, but during that marriage which lasted 5 years, we were only invited over to their house on 2 occasions, both housewarming parties attended by my very large family. 

Maybe when they return from the holiday and talk about it, drop a hint that you regret that you didn’t go, as it sounds like a wonderful place to holiday. Stay strong and don’t let it bother you.