Extremely overwhelmed and under pressure - wanting to be left in peace

[Rach28]

hi everyone im currently on centrelink job seeker payment and unfortunately one of the requirements of receiving this welfare payment means i attend fortnightly job provider appointments. In the past few months ive transferred to up to 5 different ones. My most recent one was supportive on the first appointment but the proceeding two appointments he was putting alot of stress and pressure on me. Asking me personal questions that made me shut down completely and triggered my anxiety to the point I wanted to punch a wall and cry. It was really bad! What do i do!? 

In August 2024 i got a job and quit on the second day. I was given "constructive" feedback which I interpreted as negative and its massively affected my self-confidence and self-esteem. Its also increased my anxiety x100. So now im fearful of attempting to look for another job. Sadly another factor is I'm struggling with massive social anxiety. I don't know how to function very well when it comes to dealing with people or communicating my needs. I generally get very anxious, and if triggered I shut down and go into "reflex" mode where I am defensive. For many reasons including PTSD, Trauma, Anxiety, Depression and personal circumstances. I dont know what to do. 

I dont think I am an employable person and I feel I am a failure. 

I'm constantly surrounded by negative people who never support me in the way I really need. They never once ask me - are you okay. Or how can we help you!? 

I'm always being told - FIND A JOB. FIND A JOB. And I'm burnt out and exhausted. 

I'm tired of looking for jobs, this recent bad employment has impacted me in ways I cannot discuss. 

I dont know what to do. 

[AnonymousZG]

Hi Rach28,

That is one job. Not all jobs are like that.

Try another job.

[Rach28]

hi Eagle Ray. Just wanted to reply as I just saw your message. 

I am currenly still on Jobseeker payment and trying really hard but feeling so burnt out about the process to look into tertiary (TAFE) study to get employment in a very specific career field. So its really tough honestly! 

I'm currently on a Mental Health Plan with my GP who since November 2024 ive been connected to a psychologist through Someone.Health. I'm also connected to a psychologist through Victims Services Australia for PTSD. I'm still trying to navigate and manage my mental health (Anxiety and Depression diagnosed since April 2018 ongoing). So yeah I dont know. I wish life was easier. I do have an online friend I chat to regularly, hes aware life is really tough on me - mentally, financially and so much more. 

Nice to know I'm not the only person struggling on Centrelink - its ridiculous that they think we can survive/live on $500 a fortnightly after rent (in my situation). 

[Rach28]

Hi ABC01

Just following up with you as well as Eagle Ray. Im currently on a Mental Health Plan with my GP. i'm seeing two different psychologists - one for my anxiety/depression and another for PTSD/ Trauma through Victims Services. 

I just honestly know what to do. I've been trying to searching/look into studying for the past 5 months and I'm still unemployed. I'm so lost. The thought of applying for DSP makes me so stressed out, i attempted applying for it November last year and ended up in hospital because the stress got to me so badly. I just dont know what to do... 

[Rach28]

Hi there thanks for you reply. Thanks for validating how im feeling. 5 months later im still so lost and confused as ever. I dont know what to do and im connected to my GP, as well as two different psychologists. One for my anxiety/depression and another for PTSD. I'm connected to them regularly so I have support. Its all so confusing this whole looking for a job/studying process. I'm so burnt out honestly. I dont know what to do. 

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Rach28,

It is so tough, especially dealing with the anxiety, depression and PTSD along with all the rest. I’m assuming your job provider knows about these things already including that you are accessing those services. It’s definitely good for them to know so they can be understanding in their approach in terms of what you’re dealing with. I’d been working with my psychologist for a bit over a year and a half when I applied for the DSP and that definitely helped in backing up my situation. So if you did decide later that you can manage the DSP process then it is good you have that support from professional psychologists who can write reports for you. But you may find your way into something via TAFE or a job that you feel you can handle. I know it’s extremely challenging and I really feel for you.

Take good care and remember it’s ok to let people know when things aren’t ok. I masked for so long that I was coping better than I actually was (as in most of my life) and I had to begin to really start to prioritise myself rather than negate myself to meet others expectations (or what I perceived them to be). I burnt myself out to the max. So rest when you need to and find space for yourself each day just to be as peaceful as you can be.

Wishing you care and peace,

ER

[Rach28]

Hi ER. I know how you feel ive been on a marathon run for years masking the fact that im okay when I'm not. I have to put on a strong front otherwise i feel weak. Trauma related reasons. Glad to hear I'm not alone. 

I'm considering applying for DSP. I've emailed one of my psychologists and chatting to my other psychologist today via online session. I'm hoping that with two supporting letters/medical reports that I can prove that my anxiety/depression and PTSD impacts my ability to look for work/study. I know that it immensively does. 

Last year in August I had a job and even just working for 1 hour I was burnt out. After 4 hour I was beyond exhausted. And by the last hour I was wanting to curl up and fall asleep. I was so burnt out and exhausted I fell asleep on the bus/train on the way home because I was mentally and physically so drained. I know that my anxiety impacts me and I hope that with enough documentation for my GP and two psychologists that I can finally get approval for DSP payment. I know that i am deserving of it and it would just give me time out. 

I recently found out that sadly one of my study options I dont have enough funds to cover the study fees ($3000) and i feel like its really impacts my ability to make decisions now and find other options. I also investigated studying TAFE Certificate II in Animal Care which requires me to find my own work placement. I had a failure with one local vet clinic that I thought was PERFECT. I emailed them as requested to follow up and it just feels like one failure after another failure. The fact I struggle with PTSD (Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder) it really impacts my energy levels because I'm always on high alert 24/7, safety concerns, avoidance of male gender etc. Anxiety - burnt out 24/7, exhausted mentally, only able to cope with basics tasks but when anything is really stressful I get overwhelmed very easily and crumble into a million pieces. 

In my recent job (August 2024) I was forcing myself to do that job, and I hate myself for it. I was doing it for the money while sacrificing my mental health in the process. My employer at the time was unaware and they should have sat down with me and discussed alternative options for me. Sadly that didnt occur. 

So yeah I'm hoping fingers crossed with the right documentation that specifies my mental health struggles, support from my two doctors and amazing two psychologists who I connect with regularly (been seeing both since late November 2024) that I can successfully and finally get the DSP payment. I know that as much as I can FORCE myself to say yes I can get a job, yes i can look for study. My brain and body are not ready, and I need time out. Hopefully Centrelink can see this and say YES she can have this payment. She is genuine. 

I will definetly continue to take care of myself dont worry, my mental health always comes first above everything else. I will literally drop everything if I need to catch up on rest, have a ME day or even just tune out to just be in the moment and not worry. 

Take Care ER

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Rach28,

I relate so much to what you describe about how trying to function, work etc has affected you. I think you have a very valid case to put forward for the DSP. What my psychologist did with me is get me to provide my own response to her to the questions the DSP application asks about how the medical/psychological conditions impact me. She then used my understanding combined with her own understanding of me to write the report. So she was very consultative. As I understand, the assessors of the DSP look to what has been tried already, from medical and psychological treatments through to attempts to return to employment. Basically they are seeking to ascertain that significant effort has been made in these directions already and they can rule out the possibility that the applicant can return to work for more than a limited number of hours per week (cannot remember the exact figure but I think it was 15 hours when I applied).

I would say listen to your brain and body if they are not ready to return to work. In early 2023 one of my attempts to return to work was to go and meet with the person in charge at the local hospital to work in the residential aged care and hospice section of the hospital. My job provider incorrectly advised me that the work shifts could be smaller, such as 3-5 hours per day. However, when I spoke to the woman at the hospital she said no they couldn't. They would be 8 hour shifts. I would have a half hour lunch break that would make the day in total 8.5 hours. At the time I was in the state you describe you are now - total exhaustion and extremely unwell. It was really at that moment I realised how limited I really am. I knew that even a half day was going to be extremely challenging when I could hardly lift my body for hours at a time at home and barely perform the most basic household tasks. I also undertook a 3 hour barista course to try and get a job in a cafe, and even doing that I was at the point of collapse 2 and a half hours into the training and had to stop. When you mention trauma reasons behind your drive to mask and push on, I feel I can really understand this. It's like we have to reach total breakdown before we finally stop masking.

What I did with my GP as well is I gave him a description of my medical history which for me was decades long. I have had many medical issues which I know all stem from trauma. I would write out your own timeline and share that with the GP as well. It does help them know and understand the picture more fully. My GP's report was more brief and simple compared to my psychologist's, but it would have helped as well. I was diagnosed with a progressive autoimmune disease in 2020 which likely also helped my application. I suspect this disease is also a manifestation of lifelong trauma patterns. So write everything down as part of the picture. It is all valid.

If you did apply and not succeed you can appeal or otherwise submit a new application at a later date. I think if it continues to be shown that you have made attempts to work again but have multiple obstacles with mental and/or physical health, they will reconsider. Whatever you do and whatever happens, take care of yourself as you are now. I empathise so much including the PTSD/hypervigilance issues. I know how impactful that is. Sending you gentleness, kindness and feelings of safety and support,

ER

[Rach28]

HI ER, 

I just wanted to update you on my life. I had a second moment of hope when I chatted to my job coach today and i feel its been dragged away from me once again. I found out the decision regarding wanting to study Certificate II in Animal Care (work placement included) and its unsuccessful. I applied last week and already so fast - a huge fat NO. I feel like a failure right now, I'm so angry, I feel so disappointed. I'm crying right now and I feel heartbroken because I care so much about this career path. I just am so burnt out and tired. 

I chatted to both my psychologists last week and both agree applying for DSP is just a "band-aid" solution to my financial stress and other life stress issues. Right now I'm just awaiting a response from my job coach when she is back in the office. I just feel so defeated right now and above all lost. 

i tried so hard and it's so unfair that others got into a course that I'm VERY passionate about.

 I'm crying and upset because I didnt get in - isnt that enough proof! 

Hoping soon I get some good news because right now I dont know what to do. 

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Rach28,

I’m so sorry to hear about the application. It would be very upsetting and disappointing. I know it may feel hard to do right now, but I’m wondering if you can ask them for feedback as to why the application wasn’t accepted. That way you would at least know exactly what they’re looking for and maybe there would be an opportunity to reapply? Sometimes just showing that extra interest and initiative can help. I once didn’t get a job I was hoping for when I was an education assistant. I sought feedback from the school principal who interviewed me and he had a phone conversation with me. He was very kind and helpful with feedback that then really helped me going forward with other applications. I know it feels awful right now but it is not the closure of all doors and future opportunities. It’s just a stumbling block and there will be other options you can follow. It will be good to speak with your job coach, express how you feel and see what other options you can explore.

Yes, well, the DSP was a last resort for me. I really didn’t have another option in the end as my health was in such a collapsed state. But if you can find a way back into the workforce it will give you that sense of efficacy and satisfaction that does come with having a job. I got great meaning from my time in the workforce and I miss things like being part of a team and feeling like I had a role in society. It’s not that I can’t contribute now, but there is something about having a job to go to and being part of a work community and society that can be really rewarding. So I hope you can find your way into what you are passionate about, even if it takes some time and some challenges along the way.

Take good care and be extra gentle and kind with yourself. Sending you a big hug,

ER

[Rach28]

Hi ER. 

I just wanted to update you I did a ESA through Centrelink to assess my job search requirements and how my mental health affects this. I have a 6 months medical exemption which I didnt expect - i agreed knowing that yes right now I'm so burnt out I need this time to figure out what the hell am I going to do next. I'm nervous to inform both my psychologists about the decision, but honestly I know I need this time to just figure out what to do and what I want. I just feel so burnt out more than ever after trying so hard. Another person on one of my discussion threads suggested I volunteer at RSPCA. Sadly RSPCA is the organization I was wanting to conduct education/training to complete Certificate II in Animal Care through. And I read some very terrible reviews about them on Glassdoor reviews and Seek.com.au employee reviews. Really bad organization work culture and atmosphere is the general vibes. So yeah I just feel really beaten up and burnt out more than ever. 

I just know my anxiety and depression is an all time high. I am very easily burnt out from even looking at job ads on Seek, Indeed or other job ad websites for even 2 minutes. I just am so burnt out. I'm tired and I dont have any road map to this dream career of working with animals. My long term goal is I want to work at Taranga Zoo based in Sydney. I just want it so badly but no-one seems to be advising me how to get there. Its sad because individuals like myself are assets in these roles, and sadly its so confusing and competitive in general. 

I'm competing with high school aged teens in Year 10 and Year 12 who are finishing their high school studies, while I am in my early to mid 30s. I am trying so hard and its so frustrating competing with people half my age. So yeah I feel lost more than ever, my mental health is hanging in the balance, and I'm trying to just breathe one day at a time. Its still financially stressful every single 24 hours a day. So thats not changing anytime soon. 

So yeah I wish someone would give the answer to this huge question of how the hell am I going to work with animals? I wish I knew the answer because after 5 months of looking I'm still lost and no answers... 

Searching and searching but growing more mentally exhausted and uncertain as to the next step. 

Appreciate your support and kind responses. I just know my mental health is needing alot of TLC right now. 

R