Eco anxiety in Perth

[Bookgirl]

Hi, we are in the middle of a horrible heatwave here and its causing me a lot of anxiety thinking about the future and generally just stressing out about it all.  Just seems so insurmountable and i feel overwhelmed.  My 15 year old son gets angry at me for being pessimistic but its hard to be optimistic when its over 40 degrees for a long time.  I just feel like i am sinking right now.

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Bookgirl,

I hear you. I have also felt guilty when already carrying multiple responsibilities. I have beaten myself up for not doing more in times when I was already giving 500% effort. I have since read a book called When the Body Says No by Gabor Mate. Through research and his own experience as a doctor he looks at how people’s health is impacted when they try to be everything for everyone. Their inability to set boundaries, prioritise themselves and say no to others leads eventually to the body saying no in some way. In my case I’ve ended up with a progressive autoimmune disease so I’ve been forced to learn to say no and develop a capacity for self-care. It is a big wake up call and I have to change to have a decent future.

So I am learning more and more self-care strategies. If someone makes a request of me I listen in to my intuition as to how I truly feel about it. If it is really not right for me more and more now I say no. I also don’t keep offering help all the time which I used to do compulsively before. I thought it was my role in life to do that. Now I can see more of a future where I live more of my life for me. It doesn’t mean I negate other people or stop all together helping and supporting others. But I did need to really re-prioritise.

I think even if you start by just having small wins here and there it makes a difference. I’m learning to feel more grounded in my body too and I’m standing taller in myself, if that makes sense. I’m starting to realise that I matter and I don’t need to either try to be invisible or constantly appease others. In the latter case that is known as the fawn response (common with complex trauma patterns). My tendencies to shrink and devalue myself and try to please everyone are still there, but I catch myself out doing it and can nip it in the bud faster. So I hope maybe that gives you some hope for the possibility of change too. I know it’s challenging. I think it can be hard to let go of feeling so responsible. If you can pinpoint where it is coming from it can be helpful in understanding what's going on. For me it is a very clear pattern from childhood.

The panic attacks you mention suggest overwhelm from stress which makes sense in the context of all you are dealing with. I've had a number of them in the past and I know they are horrible and all you can do at the time is wait for them to pass. The cold shower your psych suggested may be following the Wim Hof idea of using cold to circumvent the stress response. Initially it stresses the body more but then that helps the body regulate and return to homeostasis. But as you say you can't have a cold shower at work. I know you have so much going on but I wonder if a daily exercise pattern would help if you are not doing that already? It's another way that puts the nervous system through a bit of stress through exertion but then like the cold exposure the body regulates better because of it. I have done some somatic processing work with my psychologist which really shifted the last of those attacks I was getting, so you could also look into forms of somatic therapy too which may be helpful.

I'm glad you are seeing your friend tomorrow. Talking things over with others can help to ease stress and feel like there are ways through situations. Take goof care of yourself,

ER

[Bookgirl]

I said to my husband this morning i think it would be better if i went back to my old job which has less stress. Just to give myself some breathing space. He wants me to keep going but honestly as i am over 50 i am not ambitious, have a good job in govt and feel like i need to look after my mental health more. I don't feel like a failure for doing this but my psych thought i should think about it too. I just feel so anxious all the time at the moment and as you say, i feel burnt out. I am not making any more money doing this high stress job. yes, its experience but if i fail because i can't even get out of bed then what's the point of being there anyway?

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Bookgirl,

Yes, I think it’s good to listen in to your body and intuition. See if you can feel into what brings you more peace and happiness vs stress.

Something else I just thought of that has affected me but may or may not be relevant for you is the impact of perimenopause and menopause that some women experience. I’m 49 and while I’ve had perimenopause symptoms since I was 41 they worsened dramatically from the age of 47. I developed a new kind of anxiety and depression that was strange, severe and beyond anything I’d experienced before. In addition my existing complex PTSD symptoms significantly worsened. I’m now on hormone medication which was recently tweaked by a hormone specialist and the difference is very noticeable. For months I was bedridden with unrelenting distress. I had attacks of fear that were so debilitating I just completely shutdown. Now I am doing much better. I’m not collapsing in bed in distress and I’m sleeping much better again. My anxiety and depression levels are greatly improved. This may not be relevant for you at all so please ignore if that’s the case. I just thought I’d mention it as a possibility to explore just in case it is relevant. Also I’m not trying to advise on any treatments either which I cannot do, but just thought I would share what has happened with me. I found a lot of good info on Dr Louise Newson’s podcasts which you can find online on Apple Podcasts. She is a hormone specialist doctor in the UK. I know she has covered topics such as worsening anxiety and OCD symptoms that many women experience at this time. From listening to other women’s stories many of them exactly mirrored what has been happening to me. The drop in hormones can profoundly affect the brain for some people while others are relatively unaffected and go through this stage of life without much difficulty. There are also good articles online by Australian researcher Professor Jayashri Kulkarni who has been working in this field for many years.

In any case I hope things ease off a bit soon. It does seem like you are dealing with a lot. I think it can be such a difficult age where you are caring for a child who is growing up, caring for an ageing parent with health issues and continuing to have to manage work responsibilities as well. Even just one of those things can be a lot to deal with. I hope you can find a balance that works for you soon.

All the best,

ER

[Bookgirl]

Hi i am in this same space so its worth investigating for sure. thanks for the heads up.

[Eagle Ray]

No worries. It just suddenly occurred to me as a possibility. It certainly has had a very dramatic impact on me but I am improving and coming out of that state now.

Take care,

ER

[Bookgirl]

I saw my psych yesterday who is retiring which isn't great. We spoke more about my husband and him doing more to get a new job as he tends to just send me some job ads and leave it to me.  She supported me in going back to my old job. I did discuss it with family yesterday.  So anxious and panicky at the moment. Other thing that triggers me is war and i can't read the news as it makes me have panic attacks. Did today and it freaked me out.  I made it to work today but feel awful and just want to go back to bed. 

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Bookgirl,

Your psychologist may be able to refer you to someone else. In fact I think if they do something like retire it is standard practice for them to refer you on. I know it can feel daunting starting over with someone new, including feeling like you have to go through the process of explaining your life and circumstances to them. But sometimes a fresh start can give new perspectives too and change can really help us grow. The most important thing is to see someone you gel with and feel comfortable with.

I have always been very sensitive to hearing, seeing and reading things about war ever since I was a child. My dad was into watching often more than one news broadcast per night on different channels. I remember sometimes blocking my ears so I didn’t have to hear about awful things. I think choosing just not to look at the news can be a really good choice for your mental health. It’s a bit like eating healthy food for nutrition, what we expose our minds to can impact our mental health. I know there is a good news website on the internet that only has positive, encouraging and hopeful stories. I suspect there’s probably a few actually. You could perhaps bookmark something like that and if you want to read something you could choose to bring that up and read about some good things. I’ve gradually learned through body awareness that there will be things that lead me to contract into fear, anxiety and depressive states, and things that lead me to expand and open up within myself (love, kindness, positive engagement with others). I’ve had a lot of contraction in my body in the past but I’m learning to feel more expansive. When I open my heart and connect to good energy it is transformative and the experience of life is different.

I wonder if you can feel when your body is contracting vs when it is expanding? What sorts of things shut you down and lead you to contract and withdraw and what sorts of things open you up and allow you to feel connected to both yourself and others?

I hope you can start to feel better today and find some things, however small, that feel nurturing and healing for you.

Take care,

ER

[Bookgirl]

I try to not look at the news but i have a bit of an OCD compulsion around it which i am fighting.  Also, the news comes up everywhere on social media, in edge etc and i have had to block all that out. Then people at work talk about it and i get panicky.  Like you as a child i was scared of the news. I still remember seeing something about global warming and i hid in the toilet for the whole time terrified with my hands in my ears.  My parents never comforted me and in fact often told me things like "i bet we don't have much longer" which is where a lot of my anxiety comes from.  I often feel like there is no future for my son which terrifies me.  He is ironically more optimistic and i think to myself its because he hasn't seen how awful man can be to each other.  We never watch the news anymore. I don't watch any live to air anymore because i am terrified of the newsbreaks.  When i do see the news i just start ruminating on it for the rest of the day/night. Am so tired and feel like i am getting worse not better. Monday was a good day because i had two days off and i could literally control EVERYTHING. I didn't look at any social media or talk to anyone except family but you can't live like that.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Bookgirl,

I don’t know if this helps but I had similar reactions to you as a child, hiding and trying to protect myself from things I found distressing. I also wasn’t comforted. I am slowly learning now to be self-comforting for that inner child in me. I am wondering if you can find part of you who is a kind parent who can come in and comfort that inner child within you, then feel that child self begin to relax and let go a bit when comforted. Is this maybe something you could explore with your psychologist?

I think if you can connect with an inner carer/nurturer for yourself it becomes easier to deal with the happenings of the world. If your parents were saying things like “I bet we don’t have much longer”, that would be the model you would internalise as to how to respond to external circumstances. I’ve found change happens for me not just by thinking differently, but feeling differently. So I am learning ways to shift how my body feels and then from that better thought processes emerge.

I have found that if I’m finding it hard to do that inner nurturance, imagining the kindest people I’ve known or even an imaginary kind person being there for me has helped. It’s like feeling a loving, kind presence. I’ve then been able to start feeling some settling in my nervous system.

I hope maybe that helps a bit. Take care,

ER

[Bookgirl]

I tried to do this today as was feeling pretty miserable and didn't go to work. Did talk to my boss who has mental health issues and was lovely. Luckily i work for govt so i have no issues with job security.  I did ask her yesterday if was doing a good job because i feel like i wasn't and she said she wanted to keep me and i was doing fine which was nice. Have really got myself in a hole though. Just dark thoughts and worries 24x7. Going to dr tomorrow. I do have medication to help panic attacks but need a new prescription.  I try to do the things to make me feel better but as everyone knows its hard to change a lifetime of thoughts and i think i also might have OCD as i read about it yesterday and it fits a lot of how i operate.  Talking to my husband though helps. I never used to tell anyone but now i am open about it.