Eating woes

[quince]

Hey everyone,

Just wondering if anyone has some ideas or suggestions to help me out.

I'm a 30 year old woman, currently staying with my parents while I'm stuck here during the pandemic. Since the start of the year I've fallen back into old eating disorder patterns. I've been well for the past 8 years, though admittedly the past 2 years have been up and down with restricting. I'm on a mental health care plan for depression, and have been working through things a bit with my psychologist, however a couple of weeks ago we decided it was best to get my GP involved as things haven't been improving.

I saw my GP, and he wanted me to make a commitment to stop purging (such a shitty behaviour that I hate), and to make a partial disclosure about the issues I have with eating, so that I don't have to 'put on a show' in front of my parents that I am eating normally.

So basically, I am seeing my GP again on Friday, and I have managed to achieve neither of these things I committed to. I am worried about what he will say/do next, and also just feeling really physically exhausted and tired of everything.

Does anyone have any suggestions for how to talk to family about eating issues without feeling like you're a massive disappointment to them? Or just general words or reassurance?

x quince

[Rumples]

Hi quince 🙂

Thank you soooo much for reaching out to us, I know it must have taken a lot. Please know that you're not alone in this. We're here to help and listen for as long as you need.

Eating disorders can be a tremendouse drain upon your everyday life. You know this, right. I'm preaching to the quire :0). Regardless if you achieved what you promised your GP or not, you have to be totally honest with him/her when you go back. If you start telling poorky pies, you're going to lead them down a false path of treatment and that's not fair on you or them. After all, they're trying to help you and the least we can do is be honest and up front with them in order to give them the best possible chance of helping us. Yes?

As for discussing this with family members, I really believe that if they are aware of what's going on with your eating, they'll be better prepared to help you deal with it. They can't help with something they're totally oblivious of, right? I'm sure mum and dad love you dearly and only want what's best for you. Please give them the chance to be your mum and dad in your time of need. Just as you would want them to include you in any dramas in their lives that you could potentially help with. Fares fare.

Never feel like you're a "massive disappointment" to anyone. You're just like the rest of us, with unique quirks, faults and needs sprinkled amongst the other great things that make you who you are. We're all unique.

Please ensure you keep your appointments with the GP and or any other professionals you're referred to. By doing this, you'll stand the best chance of a full recovery. Don't work against them, work with them.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. Come back and have a chat and I'll be waiting.

Your friend - Rumples xoxo

[quince]

Hey Rumples,

Thanks so much for your reply. You're totally right of course, on everything.

I will absolutely keep my appointments, and plan on being honest with my GP. He's very kind, and probably already knows that I won't have been able to stick to my commitments. I'm quite scared of the repercussions though. If he explicitly asked me to talk to my parents, and I really haven't made any attempts to, he couldn't tell them right? That would breach my confidentiality as his patient, surely.

It's so hard because I really want to be able to do this on my own. I know I can. But then, I said this three weeks ago and I was absolutely sure I was going to change my behaviour, but it turns out that I haven't been able to manage it. I think I can do it, but the reality is that I'm really not in control right now.

I'm worried about what my GP will do next. But there's also not a lot I can do to change the outcome now, so I suppose I'll have to just wait and see, and be honest.

Thanks again Rumples.

x quince

[Rumples]

Hi quince (BIG hug) :0)

Excellent! I'm so pleased you're going to give yourself the best chance at recovery by being open and frank with your GP. Well done to you! (high five).

As for the GP asking to speak to your parents, the age at which a person becomes an 'adult' in Australia is 18 years. Consent for the medical treatment of patients less than 18 years of age is generally provided by parents. However, there are circumstances in which patients under the age of 18 can consent to their own medical treatment. Provided you're over I don't see the GP asking. If you're under, then it may be a different story. Play it by ear and see what your GP says first and then go from there.

It's totally up to you but I would strongly consider talking to either mum or dad or both, whichever you're closest to, about what's going on. The more close people to you involved in this increases the chances of a successful outcome. It's totally up you though sweety.

Good luck! and please if you feel up to it, keep updating us. Even if you're just feeling a bit out of sorts, come on back and we'll be glad to have a chat. We're always here for you and we do care about you.

Your friend - Rumples xoxo

[quince]

Hey Rumples (and anyone else reading),

Just thought I'd jump back with a little update.

I had a really good conversation with my Mum, and though I didn't tell her specifically about the eating disorder (which at this point is physically very obvious), I did tell her that I'm seeing a psychologist and our GP because there are things I want to work on. I think it was reassuring that I'm supported by people, and that they don't maybe need to worry so much.

I saw my GP this morning and was appreciative of him holding me accountable in a kind but firm way. I'm feeling a bit confronted right now because I know that I really, really have to change my behaviour. I have a fortnight to prove that I can.

The idea of getting really sick and ending up in hospital seems so unreal to me, but that's what is waiting for me if I don't try harder. I can't even fathom how humiliating it would be to tell my family and friends that.

So I'm really going to focus on being healthy, eating well, and embracing the uncomfortable feelings that I know will eventually pass.

If anyone has any tips on how to flip weight loss from being a success/achievement to being something that's not desirable, I'd love to hear them.

Thanks team.

x quince

[Emmen]

Hello quince,

I went through a stage a couple of years back where I was restricting. I didn't seek treatment for it, but a series of events led to a turning point where I began to realise I had a problem. I did these:

1) Stick with my habits even though the goals changed: I always tracked my calorie intake. Instead of idealising a negative intake for the day, I began aiming for something lower. So I'd tell myself that I had to hit 800 kcal everyday. Once I could sustain hitting that, I slowly increased the intake goals. I did a lot of google searching for how recovery would affect my body, so I was partially mentally prepared for it (although it was a struggle because I felt so ugly and disgusting at that point). But eventually I guess pushing through meant that my mindset also changed and I began to accept my body.

2) Start with foods I could stomach: I used to be obsessed with eating clean. So no sweets or chocolates, no oily or fatty foods, no red meats and so on. When I started increasing my intake, I'd fill up on the 'clean' foods. Lots of fruits, raw veggies, oats, tuna etc. It was months before I could actually bring myself to eat junk food without feeling like I'd ruined my body for good, but it was important for me that I accepted these limitations and worked within it.

3) When I started on the foods I usually couldn't bear to eat, I started small. One small square of chocolate a day helped me more than stuffing down an entire Mars bar in one sitting. Or choosing a chocolate granola bar over a bar of chocolate allowed me that sense of knowing something in the granola bar was still healthy. It was more about easing into things rather than shocking my system.

Lastly, it took a year for my body to recover from what I had done to it. It took another two years or so for me to finally stop counting calories (even though my goal for that time had changed to a healthy calorie intake). It will be an uphill challenge, but stick with it. I don't know if what I did was the best way forward, I never saw a GP or had any support recovering so it's still feels surreal that I managed it. But you're not alone and I hope I've helped somehow. Do update on this forum with your progress if you run into difficulties or need some encouragement.

Take care,
Emmen

[Emmen]

Sorry! A correction:

1) Stick with my habits even though the goals changed: I always tracked my calorie intake. Instead of idealising a negative intake for the day, I began aiming for something *positive, but lower than the ideal*. (In the sense that I started by trying to ease myself into eating more food.)

[quince]

Thanks Emmen,

I really appreciate your reply and ideas. They certainly make a lot of sense, and my doctor recommended a similar approach really - eat plenty of healthy foods initially so it's not such a massive undertaking.

I've been through this before, so I know I can do it. I think I might have been kidding myself a little bit, thinking "I know I can stop any time" or "I'll stop when I get to xyz weight". But then I didn't, and now I'm pretty annoyed I've lead myself into this situation.

Three days in and my weight is down again, so I know I need to try much harder. It's more difficult than I expected and taking a lot of mental energy. I can't focus on my readings for uni and am massively behind on this week's work.

But, I have a study plan, and if it hasn't worked by this afternoon I will think about applying for special consideration for this week's assessment. And I'm trying to focus on being healthy, above all.

Thanks for allowing me a space to get my thoughts clear.

x quince

[Rumples]

Well done Quince (BIG hug)

I'm soooooo happy for you and so proud of you for digging deep to find that courage.

"I had a really good conversation with my Mum, and though I didn't tell her specifically about the eating disorder (which at this point is physically very obvious), I did tell her that I'm seeing a psychologist and our GP because there are things I want to work on".

Really, the best thing you could have done was to talk to mum. Even though she isn't fully aware of your situation, and I'm sure you'll tell her in your own good time. As a parent myself I can tell you first hand that she'll be feeling better knowing that she still has your confidence to talk to her.

"I saw my GP this morning and was appreciative of him holding me accountable in a kind but firm way".

This is BRILLIANT news! and definitely the first stepping stone on the road to recovery for you. Well done! Please make sure you continue going and most of all, BE HONEST with them. If you don't, they have no way of helping you. Please don't make the mistake of telling them what you think they want to hear, that'll only end in disaster.

"The idea of getting really sick and ending up in hospital seems so unreal to me, but that's what is waiting for me if I don't try harder. I can't even fathom how humiliating it would be to tell my family and friends that".

Keep reminding yourself of this and use it to motivate you to succeed. No one wants to see this happen, especially you.

Please keep in touch and let us all know how you're going, successes and failures.

Your friend - Rumples

[quince]

I think I just got dumped by my psychologist. 😕

She said she doesn't like "referring people on", but she's questioning whether she's reached the limit of her usefulness for me, and I might be better off with a specialist.

I understand where she's coming from, but I still feel hurt and rejected. So much discomfort and pouring my soul out to someone, and then it's just like, this isn't working out. I am trying to focus on the idea that it's in my best interests, but I can't help but feel like I am at fault for our sessions focusing on areas out of her expertise, and that I am a nuisance in her schedule. Agh! It's also frustrating to think of starting over with someone new, yet again.

Pretty tired and exhausted with the whole thing really.

Appreciate having a place to rant, even if no one listens.

x