Does anyone else struggle with making decisions?

[DesperateForChange]

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure what I hope to achieve by posting this thread. Maybe the reassurance that I'm not the only one going through this?

I seem to be incapable of making decisions, no matter how minor they are. I am often paralyzed by a wave of anxiety and fear. I still experience anxiety when I look at a menu, am in a food court, at the supermarket or have to choose whether to buy a Nook, Kindle or just a tablet for reading my books.

What's going on here? I just want to be a functioning adult who is capable of coping with the daily challenges that life throws your way and which most people can take in their stride.

My life has effectively ground to a halt because I am avoiding situations where I have to make choices. It's unsustainable but I am at a loss over how to change - the fear always wins out. I want to find a psychologist who can help me, but ironically the fear of choosing the 'wrong' psychologist has thwarted my efforts. I've done at least 40 hours of researching psychologists in the past week and am still no closer to deciding.

What's going on? What is wrong with me? I feel like something must be defective or malfunctioning in my brain.

Is this indecisiveness and procrastination something that most anxious people suffer?

Could it be a phobia of making the wrong choices (if that even exists!)

Is it OCD? I have read that people with OCD struggle with decision making. However, whilst I can obsess and obsess about my choices, I don't identify with the intrusions or compulsions associated with OCD.

Is it a dependent personality disorder?

If you can relate to anything that I'm saying, please post. I could use the support. Thank you.

[blondguy]

Hello DFC

Welcome and thanks for posting too!

You are proactive with your health and good on you 🙂

You are like many people where decision making is concerned.

I understand as I still have difficulty making a basic decision......even at Subway!

I used to have anxiety for years and sometimes even now I cant make a decision on different matters

Please dont overthink this right now. Even researching for psychologists can be a fruitless exercise.

Sometime just having a 'tired' mind can make decision making hard. If you have too much on your plate whether school or business or personal can effect our ability to make a basic decision.

See your GP first....she/he will know who is a good psychologist....

Google isnt really productive to self diagnose as it can make us feel worse as mental health is such a complex subject.

you are not alone here DFC. There are many kind people on the forums that can be here for you

There is no phobia for making the wrong choices and I dont have OCD and still have some difficulty making a basic decision too

Please be gentle with yourself until you see your GP 🙂

my kind thoughts

Paul

[CMF]

Hi and welcome,

It could be a combination of all the above.

I can relate to your thread because i know someone like this. He is a perfectionist and i have noticed never makes a decision without consulting numerous people beforehand. He just cannot decide anything for himself so he asks people and then he will choose what someone else suggested then if it goes wrong he is not to blame because someone else told him to do it. He once told me that you have ask lots of people so you can find out what to do. He ordered a white kitchen for his house. When he went to pick it up he spent 3 hours trying to decide whether to stick with the white or go off white. All the while the handyman was waiting for him to get back go install the kitchen. He never makes a decision, always goes by someone else's suggestion and then is never happy with the decision and changes. Going out for dinner is a major research job. He sits in the car researching how good a restaurant is asks what i want to eat, i will decide then he will say ok but maybe we should go to the other one. This person I know is also a commitment phobic and takes years to get anything done.

I personally think it comes down to accepting responsibility. Sure, some decisions are tough but if you get it wrong, you learn from it, move on and try again. We all make wrong decisions in life, we are all human.

Anxiety does affect our decision making. Have you seen you gp first before researching psychologists? Your gp may refer you to one so the decision will be made for you. At least this way you can start to see someone to help you.

Hope this helps.

[DesperateForChange]

Thanks for your message, Paul (blondguy).

I appreciate your suggestion to be kinder to myself. I have zero self-compassion and a strong inner critic.

I guess I am struggling to accept how things are. I know what I want to be (i.e. a fully functional and self-sufficient human being) and I'm so disappointed in myself for not being capable of normalcy. I'm not asking for awesome, just normal. The prospect that I might always be this way is getting me down.

Thanks for your post, appreciate you taking the time.

[DesperateForChange]

Hi Baby_Steps.

Wow, I can really relate to your friend's behaviour. I used to be like that with restaurants. It made spontaneity impossible, since I would have to know what suburb we'd be eating in well in advance, so that I could do my research. If I happened to find myself in an area where I didn't know the restaurants or was unprepared, I would have to whip out my phone and look at reviews...on the footpath for at least 20minutes. It's debilitating behaviour and pisses everyone off around you. I've really tried to challenge myself by walking into restaurants 'blind' and even intentionally trying restaurants when I know they have a low rating...more often than not, they turn out to be good. That's a work in progress though...50% of the time I succumb and get my phone out.

With respect to your advice, "Sure, some decisions are tough but if you get it wrong, you learn from
it, move on and try again. We all make wrong decisions in life, we are all human." It should be simple and it sounds simple, but not for me. I suspect that I fear making mistakes because I was raised in a very physically punitive, violent environment (I can only say that because I'm anonymous) where missteps meant a beating. I'd be interested to know if other perfectionists had a similar upbringing...your friend included.

Re: asking my GP to recommend a psychologist...you make a good point about making a start. Any help is better than no help and I can always change psychs I guess. Not sure if I have the discipline to follow through with your advice, but I'll try.

Thanks so much for sharing Baby_Steps

[MisterM]

Hi,

YES! I have spent the past year debating whether or not I should stick with my BA of education degree or change to a BA of Psychological Science degree. Now that's a long time.
But in general I am always very indecisive and often can't make up my mind for long periods. I have had so many career ideas, I keep changing what I want to do. Even when I am shopping I take a long time choosing.

[CMF]

Hi DFC,

I don't what sort of environment the person i know was brought up in. I do always wonder. He has a sister who is the 'favourite' child of his dad. I did question him once on his upbringing but he said no, no it has nothing to do with that. Then again, he has to be always right and if you question anything you are automatically wrong. He does hate his dad and verbally abuses his mum saying she drives him mad, but then he uses her when he needs something. I have seen his dad slap his mum, so who knows what goes on or went on that household. I do know that he cannot handle being wrong. He verbally abuses me, but can never see any problem with his behaviour.

I am proud of you acknowledging that you do have this issue and for coming here as a starting point to seeking help. you have done really well making a start.

I do hope you will get to your GP and take the next step, when you are ready.

baby steps

[remboy]

Hi DFC,

I could relate to a lot of what you said. I've had times where I've sat in my car at the end of my driveway wondering if i shoukd turn left or right to get to the supermarket. Theres no difference either way but i can't decide which won to take.

You aren't alone and I've found there are many other other people who have similar issues. Unfirtunately, because not many peopke openly confess it we don't hear how widespread this is.

I also took many years to see my first Psych, thinking I had to make the 'right' choice. The thing is, like a lot of things in life, there is no right or wrong. I've now started seeing my third psych (this is over a ten year period). I dont feel that my previous decisions were wrong, only that I needed to start seeing someone else and try a different approach. I'm also proud of myself for not beating myself up for being 'wrong'. I'd rather see it as part of a process to finding the right one for me.

Good luck with your future choices.