Dealing with Anxious Father

[Rhiirhii]

I am a 30 year old single mother who has taken in a parent after a separation as he does not earn enough income to be independent and he has trouble doing basic things due to his anxiety. (Eg. Pay a bill, talk to centrelink)

a lot has gone wrong for us, at the top being him losing all his identity documents and getting them all back is a 6 month + process due to being a refugee. I’m not only supporting him financially as of next week on my benefits, I’m trying to be his rock of rationality and it’s taking a toll.

i have a 2 month old and he isn’t able to help me for long because his anxiety takes over and I am starting to feel a little resentful because I do so much and I’m burning out, but I also understand it’s his anxiety and I feel so guilty.

what can I do to help my own mental health, but his as well? Thank you x

[smallwolf]

Hi Rhiirhii,

welcome to beyond blue.

When I saw the title of your post, it sounded like to you were talking about my own dad. Then I saw how old you were in your post. Still, what is happening still resembles the relationship my mum and dad have. My father has been diagnosed with GAD, and has been taking ADs for a long time, and recently Parkinson's. My mum does most things for him, similar to you in paying the bills etc. It can be very difficult when you have to look after your partner as well as yourself. However in your case you also have a baby to care for as well. It is a amazing that you are able to do both without it affecting you.

In the case of my dad, when it came to the Parkinson's and talking to the psychologist this was something he had to take ownership of as the dependency on mum was too great.

So what can you do? Here are a couple of links that provide useful information and say it better than I could. The first link is a good starting point...

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/supporting-someone

and the next link has information on looking after yourself...

https://das.bluestaronline.com.au/api/prism/document?token=BL/0124

I also gave mum and dad a book called "the happiness trap" which has a number of ideas in it to help reduce the mind spinning and ruminating on things. You might be able to get a copy of it from your local library?

Talking here might be helpful for you as well.. as a way of releasing built up feelings of resentment, frustration, etc. And you have the advantage of getting replies from other helpful and supportive users. You are not alone.

In the longer term, it might be a good idea to talk with a GP about your/his situation and investigate the possible options. But we could chat about that in a later post.

Peace and comforting thoughts.

Tim