Crippling anxiety

[Ashy20]

I thought that anxiety would be worse in high school than as an adult but here I am at 20 years old and I never thought I’d be in this situation where I was scared to leave the house because of my debilitating anxiety. I can only leave my house if I stay in the car and even then if someone looks at me I get into a small panic attack. I’m one of those people that spirals very quickly and over thinks everything and thinks the worst and if im in public I can imagine every little thing that people around me would be saying about me right now and making fun of me and I spiral so quickly that I have to leave. When im with my family it’s a little easier to manage because I’m distracted a little more but If I’m just with my partner I can’t handle it, and I feel like im holding him back from doing all these fun things that he wants me to try because he loves and I just can’t. I won’t put myself in an unfamiliar situation, or even eat unfamiliar things or even try new things because I’m constantly afraid I’ll fail and people will laugh at me and I’ll be humiliated. I’m finally at the stage where I actually want to see someone but I can’t go alone, and I don’t want to talk to some stranger who’s just going to think im weird. My family has absolutely no idea and I just wish I could talk to my mum and dad about it and wish that they would come with me but they don’t live close to me and I feel like im just a burden to them and a disappointment.

[PamelaR]

Hi Ashy and a very warm welcome to our community forums

I'm so pleased to see you have found your way to us, that's such a good move. Things sound incredibly difficult and this makes me a little sad for you.

If you don't mind me saying, I reckon your parents and family do not see you as a burden or that you're a disappointment. People with anxiety often think the worst of themselves and think they know what others think of them. In my life I've found this to be so wrong. What's happened is - it makes me feel worse about myself when the reality is completely the opposite.

It is frightening to think about talking to someone about how you feel. This is normal. It took me years and years to get up the courage to talk about my anxiety and my depression. Still not very good at it, I'd rather talk about how others are doing than talk about myself. Though, I do find it helps me significantly if I talk about things with my psychologist. Taking that first step isn't easy. But we're here to help you through. Some suggest writing everything down (e.g. what you are feeling, why you can't talk etc) before you go and just give that to the psychologist / counsellor. Or have you considered having a online counselling session?

Is there anything that's happened recently that's sparked your most recent bout or that's motivated you to come on line to us?

Keep reaching out Ashy, if and when you want to. You're not alone.

Kind regards

PamelaR