Hi anon143
I feel for you so very much as you face the incredible challenges that can come with finding the best in yourself. I've found there can be a lot of disappointment in such a process.
Sounds like you've always appointed your sister the role of 'She who will be more considerate' and now you've finally disappointed her from this role. Disappointment can be a tough process. I find it can trigger a lot of those mental programs in our head which have us questioning so much, ones like 'Loyalty to family, no matter what. Please people, even at a cost to yourself. Don't speak up unless you're permitted. Don't question what you feel the deep need to question' and the list goes on. I believe the challenge is to, over time, move those programs to 'the recycle bin' and eventually delete them altogether.
Sounds a little simplistic but I find 'wonder' to be incredibly helpful in the process of disappointment. Wonder naturally opens the mind. For example, you might say 'My sister is so degrading. I can't stand her behaviour'. You could say 'I wonder why my sister is so degrading and why I can't stand her behavior'. With wonder, what may come to mind is something like 'She's degrading because she doesn't know how to entirely celebrate the achievements of others. She doesn't know how to raise people to feel a full sense of achievement. I can't stand her behaviour because I love doing this for people, leading them to fully celebrate their victories. It gives me an incredible sense of joy'. So, now you may come to realise, through wonder, that she is somewhat unskilled in the art of raising people whereas you have great skill in this area. Your skill is something to be proud of. I find 'wonder' to be an incredible natural self-esteem booster. You may also wonder what has led her to become like this.
Our kids are definitely a gift, without a doubt. As a mum, I would say my kids have led me to be reasonable (more skilled in the ability of reason). They've led me to be more intolerant, leading me to question why I tolerate intolerable behaviour from others. They've led me to be more adventurous, more connected to life. The list goes on. Our kids are incredible motivating guides when it comes to finding the best in our self. They change our course.
If your sister gets upset with you, it can't hurt to wonder out loud at her, 'I wonder why you have no filter' and if she labels you as 'sensitive', you could say 'Yes, I have the gift of sensing degradation'.
🙂
