Continuing Anxiety over HIV - Tests and Results

[TomC]

Good Morning,

I'm continuing to struggle with the anxiety over a potential HIV incident I had almost 3.5 years ago. It was a very low risk or no risk accident, but I can't seem to move on from it.

I eventually went against all doctor/parents etc... recommendations and answered my anxieties questions late last year and had a full test done. All negative. This helped move my anxiety for a small period, but it has returned. At the moment - I go through periods of questioning the results, looking for symptons etc... I just can't seem to move on and forget the word and the incident. I am on medication to help, but still that word is in head, and I'm struggling to deal with it every day.

Is there any suggestions, help, support anyone can give. I guess deep down I believe the results, but my anxiety will not let me move on from the them.

Thanks in advance

[uncut_gems]

Hi TomC,

Good morning to you as well! I'm so, so glad you thought to come here and talk about this health-related anxiety you're struggling with. I can tell just from your post that you've spent a lot of time thinking about it, and have a clear understanding of what your specific anxiety is, the event it comes from, and the reality that you did not contract HIV. As you say though, we can know something to be rationally true deep down (e.g. that the test results are right), and still have the anxious thoughts win the day. That's where talking it through– here on the forums, with a friend or loved one, and especially with a trained mental health professional, comes in.

It's great that you're using medication to help manage your anxiety, but in my opinion it sounds like you might benefit from getting more into the details; the content of this worry that is so specific to your life (though HIV is one of the most common forms of health anxiety.) If you feel up to it, I would absolutely encourage you to get back in touch with the prescribing doctor and mention that this is still affecting you and you would like to see a counsellor to talk more about it.

Whatever you decide, we are always here for you on the forums. There are so many of us here that have similar things we have had difficulty moving on from, and have developed a number of tools along the way.

Warmly,

Gems

[TomC]

Many Many Thanks Gem,
It’s great to hear that my anxiety, position, thoughts etc... are accepted and I guess Ok.
I have suffered anxiety my whole life, and understand the presence of negative pathways, and the believe they bring to the irrelevant thoughts. For some reason, I keep getting caught up in the anxiety circle with this subject. I feel like it’s a punishment for the accident, or a way to continually remind me of my pass mistakes.
I understand it’s just a word, and/or a thought - but I'm tired of it, and that then makes it harder. Acceptance is the key, but currently the what if thoughts keep overriding the acceptance.
Outside of more professional help, are there any ways other have dealt with this. It’s not a nice subject to talk about – and obviously embarrassing to admit, but have others found solutions to this anxiety

[uncut_gems]

Hi TomC,

I'm a fellow lifelong anxiety sufferer and you're exactly right to call it a circle you get caught up in. It's like a push and pull with the "what if," and the "what if" is always stronger. One way we can combat this is to think/talk/write out what we specifically think might happen, and how realistic it is that it will actually happen. By talking about it, we can help the rational parts of us "defeat," or, as I prefer, "digest" the irrational parts and change these thought and behavior patterns that cause us so much pain.

This is possible to do by yourself or with others, but it takes a lot of work. One advantage of talking about it with a trained professional is that they can start out asking the right questions. For example, you say you think the anxiety is almost a way of punishing you for the initial accident. That leads to the important question of why you feel you should be punished? These are complex questions and ones we are always happy to talk about, but you may benefit from talking with someone specially trained to help answer them.

Warmly,

Gems