constant panic attacks for the last couple months

[lifewonder]

Hello everyone,

I have come across this forum, and I thought I would share what I have been going through. I will give a brief history about myself so it makes a little more sense.

In my late teens, I lost one of my parents and that had a devastating effect on me. I was depressed for many years and it took a long time to find myself. My counselor diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder, likely because I kept having very intrusive thoughts about a particular thing and was always worried. For years I thought they would never go away, so I just learned to cope with the thoughts and eventually they subsided.

In the last year, I saw an actual psychiatrist who confirmed I have GAD, and recommended placing me on medications. There was a point in time I took medications, but I eventually stopped them because I was feeling much better, and I realized that the coping mechanisms I was taught by my counselors was more then enough for me... however, also because in my line of work, any anti anxiety or depression medication is an absolute big NO... even when I was on the meds, I had to keep it a secret for fear of not being able to pursue my line of work, which would then only throw me into a bigger depression and anxiety

In the last few months, I wasn't feeling great, as I was upset that nothing had been panning out in terms of a job, and I was literally broke. I was about to give up on my dream job, until I caught an absolutely amazing break and everything went into a complete 180. I had finally gotten the job I always wanted, it pays well, I have paid off my debts and everything else in my life if fairly good.

Yet, I have had the absolute worst panic attacks of my life. I have gone to the hospital several times, thinking I was either having a heart attack, or my lungs were collapsing or something of the likes, yet all my results show I have cleanest bill of health... so what gives? This makes absolutely no sense to me.everyday I wake up I feel agitated, and then throughout the day I have at least one panic attack, characterized by shortness of breath, brain fog, dizziness and sometimes hand numbness... I can't even hang out in crowded or loud places because the panic seems to onset and get really bad, and I can't even focus on conversations with my friends. This is absolutely tearing me apart, and for the life of me I can't understand why it's happening. I have no intrusive thoughts, and I am relatively stress free, other then normal life stress

[Here_I_am]

Hi lifewonder,

Firstly I just want to say welcome to the forum. This is a place where transparency and openness is encouraged and honored, and I encourage you to use it regularly as it sounds like that is perhaps not something you can freely do in your workplace.

You mention that you cannot freely consider medications without doing your employability harm, and I can only imagine what kind of workplaces in the year 2019 can legally hold a legitimate treatable medical condition against an employee. So if medication is off the table, are you able to speak to any of the alternative management tools you might employ to cope with your GAD? For example, do you use meditation/breathing techniques? Are you engaged in any form of ongoing therapy? How is your health/diet/exercise? All of these peripheral aspects of our wellbeing are vitally important for managing our anxiety, and in my experience are simply non-negotiable if effective control over our coping abilities are to be maintained.

I have benefited greatly from being a student of Karate for over a decade now. One of the most helpful 'offshoots' of this discipline has been the breathing exercises we do regularly as part of training, and as an extension learning Qigong. Whenever my anxiety is rising, a small, unobtrusive self-lead breathing exercise does wonders for keeping a lid on the anxiety and controlling the impact it has. I still feel yuck and as though I'm experiencing anxiety, but it's closer to a 3 on the likert-scale as opposed to a 7! Is their anything in your tool-box that you can call upon when your anxiety is threatening to take over that allows you to keep it under control and less impacting on your wellbeing?

Of course, the most important aspect might be to address the source of the heightened anxiety. What is causing the panic attacks, agitation, health anxiety, lack of focus, heightened sensitivity to noise and crowds, etc? Find the source, and it's likely the overarching symptoms of the anxiety will reduce. This is where the talking therapy might be of great benefit.

I hope you find some peace soon, lifewonder.