Compulsive Negative Thoughts

TishaJade · ‎09-03-2020

I can't seem to stop my intrusive negative thinking. EVERYTHING triggers me. I am SO emotional. I had an argument with my boyfriend yesterday over something silly. He is so patient with me and my moods, that this time he flipped out and said some hurtful things. I can't get them out of my head... One in particular is bringing me down every hour or so. I said that I wished he would grow up a little bit and stop being forgetful with things, because when we have children I can't be dealing with him as well as the kids. And he said "well we just won't have kids then!" Out of anger. But it stuck with me and I can't move past it. I have had about 4 emotional outbursts to him, all of which he has made clear he was sorry and he did not mean what he said, and that when we are ready he wants to have kids with me. This makes it hard for me because he already has a child to someone else who we look after weekly. This has been a struggle for me since the beginning because I am envious that he has had a child already with someone else. I feel like my progress has been ruined in trying to cope with the situation. I feel like he doesn't want kids with me, never did, and that I will just have to deal with the fact he wanted to have a kid with someone else and not me. I have no reason to think this way but I am and I can't help it. It feels as real to me as anything even though it's not. I feel so depressed... I feel like I can't get past this or accept that he didn't mean what he said and believe that we will have children together and all be a happy family. All that is running through my head is things such as. "He never wanted children with you" and "he only wanted children with her" and "what's wrong with me for him to not want that with me."

I am so confused because I know he loves me and I do believe that he wants a real family with me but i can't seem to shake the negative thoughts... words such as the ones he said to me are so damaging they literally ruin me for weeks and even months. I love him a lot and having a family and getting married mean SO much to me that any small fraction of a chance that he does not want the same as me (Even though) he does, I obsess over.

How do I stop hurting myself and driving my partner nuts because he really doesn't do anything wrong and gives me no REAL reason to believe anything that I put in my head. But I continue to feel terrible all the time.

geoff · ‎09-03-2020

Hello TishaJade, I sympathise entirely with you because these thoughts are negative and that's something that's not your fault and I say this as I have had 'intrusive thoughts', thoughts that can make us say and definitely feel may certainly happen.

OCD which may cause this is in itself an intrusive illness and makes us believe that something negative will happen to someone we love.

Can I suggest you type 'intrusive thoughts' into your search browser where a large file will appear, so you can read as much as you want, and I'm only saying this as I have to go, but I'm always interested in comments about OCD, I've had it for 55 odd years.

I hope others will reply back to you in the meantime.

Geoff.

Dorothy1 · ‎09-03-2020

Dear TishaJade,

I feel for you when I read your story. It looks like you feel really sad and hopeless about the situation with your boyfriend.

It sounds to me like you are having negative thoughts rather than intrusive or compulsive thoughts in that you consciously formulate these thoughts when feeling down about the situation.

You seem to have a good insight in the reason why you feel that way though in that you envy him for having had a child. It seems like you think that he wanted to have a child with his ex-partner/ wife and that he might never have one with you and that makes you feel very sad. Have you discussed your fears with him? Have you told him how you feel about it all? Maybe all you need is some reassurance from him.

All the best

Dot

TishaJade · ‎10-03-2020

Hi Dot,

We communicate a lot and he is very understanding and reassuring. I however, am constantly worrying that his reassurance is not true and feeling hopeless and that I might as well accept all the bad things in my head even if they're not true.

Dorothy1 · ‎10-03-2020

dear TishaJade

That is great! communication is paramount in any type of relationship!

Your partner seem very supportive of you but I understand that sometimes it can be very difficult to believe that we are loved and wanted! This can occur for different reasons. Individuals which trust was broken in the past may react like that even when their new partner/ husband.. are very trustworthy. Some individuals who did not receive a lot of affection can also react like that when their core belief is that they are not lovable.

These are only examples and might not relate to you at all, but I am thinking that there might be something that you could dig in your past experiences that might explain your current insecurities.

Have you tried to approach a counselor/ psychologist to talk about it? This might be very helpful as I can see that this situation you are in, makes you suffer greatly.

All the best

Dot

Sophie_M · ‎04-04-2020

We are letting you all know we're closing this and all TishaJade's other threads except for "Is it really as bad as I think?" in the Staying well section.
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/is-it-really-as-bad-as-i-think-...

Keeping to one thread makes it easier for members to keep up with TishaJade's story, and saves them from having to repeat information.