Changing jobs but completely paralysed by anxiety

littlepenguin · ‎06-09-2020

Hi there
I have GAD and usually can manage it pretty well apart from racing heart insomnia and co aren't worrying thoughts but day to day I'm ok. I'm a vet nurse and at my clinic all my team have quit over the last couple of weeks it has been quite a shock, I have applied for a new nursing role and I got it it's at a specialist clinic so the role is a much bigger one than I have done before and I will be on the surgery tram. I have huge imposter syndrome going on and I am in complete panic mode part of me feels like I should just stay in my sage job where I know the role and can walk to work although we will be getting a whole new team as most staff have left so who knows what that will be like. I am filled with so much anxiety of starting at this new clinic I have even told them I have anxiety and they have said give it a month and see how you go. I am worried I will start there a d regret leaving my safe comfortable job.... but maybe I should push myself..... I just know where my limits are ..... Maybe safety is best for me. I'm scared of making the wrong decision ....... I can't even think about what's it going to be like on day one of the new job .... it just feels me with dread not excitement....

blondguy · ‎07-09-2020

Hello littlepenguin

Welcome and good on you for having the courage to reach out!

I understand the thoughts you are experiencing as I had the same feelings of dread when I have been appointed to a new management position...and yes it is scary especially with low level anxiety in the background

You mentioned 'I have applied for a new nursing role and I got it ' That is a huge achievement as the directors wouldnt have given you the position if they had any doubts about your abilities

Thinking about how you are going to feel on day one is common...except day one hasnt happened yet

when is your first day?

any questions are always welcome littlepenguin! The forums are a safe and non judgmental place for you

my kind thoughts

Paul

littlepenguin · ‎07-09-2020

Thanks So much for your reply Paul. My first day isn't for another 3 weeks . I am juggling a couple of other jobs. One Is an online teaching job and the other is work at my current clinic. I just got a pay rise at my current clinic and I am so tempted just to stay there take up more hours and Jack everything else in. I'm so scared of making the wrong decision of upsetting people , I am also worried I'm having some form of her and o an at the moment . Not sure of going on the pill has triggered sonetho k g or all this stress with these jobs has. I can't stop crying and feel completely at a loss at what to do and I haven't felt happy in a long time just feeling very unstable. Usually I just putter along with worrying every day like worrying my partner or sister will get killed in a car crash but I can manage the worries they are just always there but it's like something has exploded in my head and I feel very unstable. Keep trying to do mindfulness like when a bad thought creeps in which is constantly to look at 5 things around me etc.. I feel like maybe I'm better off in my current gp vet nursing role rather than putting my self in a stressful role of specialist surgery nursing the pay is actually the same....

cv02 · ‎07-09-2020

Hi littlepenguin.

I am in a similar position in that I am anxious about work but unfortunately mine had tipped over to depression. I actually JUST yesterday posted my first post in the depression forum to.. I dont know..reach out for help? get different perspectives?

I also feel like I have impostor syndrome and have been googling like crazy trying to figure out what I can do about it. So far nothing has helped. I dont know about you but I'm "only" 36 and the thought that I have to keep this up for another 30 years scares the crap out of me which is why I think it tipped me over.

But the one realisation I've had is that I am not alone. You are not alone. I don't know you other than what you have typed but since I can somewhat relate to what you are going through I don't feel as alone in my problems. Isn't that weird? I dont know if what will happen to you or me will work out but I now want to encourage someone other than myself..which makes me feel the slightest bit better. Good luck to you and hope it all goes well.

Petal22 · ‎07-09-2020

Hi littlepengun,

Sorry you are feeling this way.... have you had any treatment for your anxiety?

I think starting a new job always makes us nervous and anxious... all new things to experience..

Try to look for the positive I’m sure you will be great... a new job a new challenge 😊 we all grow from challenges....

Your not alone many people experience this..

littlepenguin · ‎09-09-2020

Hi cv02 ,

How has your day been? How are you feeling now? Yeah I usually just deal with anxiety but mine completley tipped into depression as well. I just feel I want to crawl into a hole I have dug and lay there for a few months. I know this will not help anything but that is how I feel. I am so sorry you are going through this as well. Your words really helped when you said that after reading my post you did not feel so alone in this. I felt the same after reading your message. You are not alone. Someone told me today I make things much more complicated than they actually are and what was right for someone last year or even last week might not be right today and that is ok.

I am 38.... and I really know that feeling. The feeling that I have to keep going with the way I am going through this work for another x amount of years is suffocating and paralysing me. So i get that feeling. I am just trying to take it day by day. I am crying a lot. I am going to see the dr tomorrow to get a mental health plan in place. I also have eap through my work so I had a free counselling session on the phone today , it didn't really help all that much but it makes me feel like I am doing something. I am just trying to slow down my breathing, take some slow deep breathes, go for walks and keep telling myself it is not the end of the world and even if the worst things happens I end up jobless I will be able to cope.

I really hope you are feeling a bit better today and know that you are not alone.

littlepenguin · ‎09-09-2020

Hi Petal22 thank you for your kind words they really helped:)

I have not had treatment for my anxiety just some psychologist sessions where they taught me some ways to help with my anxiety techniques to try but I stopped going to see her ages ago, I think I need to go back. I have been on antidepressants once a few years ago when I had a another really bad turn they actually were really good.... loss of libido and I felt numb and couldnt cry but they really worked. I am thinking I might need to get back on them.

I am keeping your words with me that we all grow from challenges and I am trying t. o be brave

thank you again

Petal22 · ‎09-09-2020

Hi littlepenguin,

I’m glad my words helped you 😊 I truly believe we grow from our challenges..... I’ve now recovered from ocd and feel my challenges really helped me to grow.... at the time we don’t see them as blessings but after when we look back on it we can see the blessing they bought us 😊

I think it would be great for you to go to see your gp your gp could put together a mental health plan for you which would give you 10 free sessions with a phycologist..... your phycologist appointments would be great for you to help manage your anxiety.... your phycologist could give you stratergies 😊

If you think it would help you to go back on your antidepressant.... go back on them... speak to your gp .... antidepressants really help me to manage my anxiety..... I’m so grateful we have such wonderful health professionals who can help us..... I wouldn’t be the person I am today without their help....

Stay strong

im here if you want to chat...

blondguy · ‎09-09-2020

Hi littlepenguin.....and all the caring members above

thanks heaps for replying...and being a part of the Beyond Blue forum family too!

okay...you have nearly 3 weeks to go...thats good!

Can I ask how you are feeling now? You know in your heart if you want to start in this new role. I get it as taking on a new position can bring on our 'old anxiety' feelings. Its only my humble opinion as per my own circumstances/experience that you consider staying in the role you are content with

I used to have chronic anxiety for a long time and made mistakes by taking on more responsibilities/career advancement than I should have even though I was qualified to do so.

what are your thoughts?

my kindest

Paul

littlepenguin · ‎15-09-2020

Hi Paul

that is what I feel is happening here , I feel I should take on more advancement in my career that is what is expected of me, i do enjoy learning and growing as a nurse and I do continuous education to keep myself current, I am not sure if I am taking this job for the right reasons am I just doing it becuause I am 38 and feel the need to be in a more senior role that 'just ' a gp veterinary nurse. However I am worried that working solely in aneasthesia with specialists will ignite my anxiety and stress levels even further. So what I am going in for is just a trial for 2 days to see how I like it, that has made me feel more at ease. The issue is I am currently in two jobs at the moment one at a gp clinic where pretty much all the staff have left and we need to get 3 new nurses and 2 new vets - so that is a complete unknown what that will look like and my other job which is a nurse educator for an online college. I have only been there 9 months and to be honest I am really not enjoying it. This is the job that is causing me the most stress. 2 out of 3 of the shifts I am answering calls from the students and instant messages all throuhgout the day whilst doing my other work at the same time, I find it very stressful as the students are very stressed and emotional themselves, or asking questions I do not know how to answer and I have to constantly ask my colleagues over skype how to help me, I feel paralysed by worry and fear about how my boss will react if I quit as there has been a lot of training involved and I have only been there 9 months and we have soooo much work to mark. Thoughts of leaving , thoughts of what to do next and which clinic to go to are literally invading my thoughts every second I am trying mindfulness and lots of walking but I cannot escape it is literally every second when my mind is not on a task . I have lost about 4 kg in the last two weeks. I am worried my poor partner is going to get sick of me being like this. This is the first time they have experienced my anxiety at this level. I am trying to find a psychologist to see but so far everyone is booked out till November 😞