Catastrophic and irrational thoughts

Sunday1991 · ‎16-10-2018

Oh boy.. Where do I begin.

So I've had anxiety for years but at least I have managed to function. At the moment however that is not the case or if I am trying to get on with my day it is extremely uncomfortable and stressful.

So I have a bit of everything: depression, anxiety, ocd and possibly adhd. All these together make like so hard.

You know the common way to think about someone with OCD is the are afraid of germs.. Well I'm am the opposite of this. I am so terrified I am going to pass on germs and some kind of infection onto somebody even though I know I am super hygienic and clean I am.

I live in an apartment and my occupation is cleaning so every time I a touch door knob, button for an elevator, recyle and rubbish bin I always wipe it over with water and a fresh cloth to ease the anxiety of making someone sick.

With my cleaning I now always wear gloves even if they aren't necessary because I honestly believe my hands are contaminated and could make someone sick. I guess my biggest fear is making someone ill so this is why I have these thoughts and behaviors.

Also if I touch certain things with my bare hands for example: a spoon in the draw, I then start to believe ALL the cutlery, tea towels, other untelsils and draws are now contaminated so then J grab all the utensils, put them in the dishwasher (so I'm also waisting water and money) put some gloves on, grab paper towel and spray and I start sterilising the draws. It takes up a lot of my time and I get so irritated, my fight or flight spirals, I feel so depressed, so stressed and I cry a lot.. Like a lot..

I am aware and acknowledge this is serious irrational thinking and it's all apart of anxiety but to be rational, be calm and not let the anxiety take over is the hard part. Anxiety is all I know and i seriously want that to change more than anything.

Would love to hear some feedback.

Much Regards

Sunday

geoff · ‎16-10-2018

Hello Sunday, can I welcome you to the forums.

I'm sorry that this is happening as I also have OCD, however, what you are doing is an obsession, so you do something to help you cope and this is your compulsion, I could go on but you know what I'm talking about.

It is really annoying especially when you think of someone else who has to do this, and this can happen to me because one of my sons also has it.

What you can do is visit your doctor who may prescribe medication and refer you to a psychologist who can help you with ' Exposure Response Prevention', (ERP), Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACP) but generally CBT is used.

I know how exhausting and frustrating this is because you maybe in a situation where it's so difficult to carry out these obsessions, such as at a friends house.

This isn't your fault and don't believe it is, you and I have this illness that forces us to carry out these obsessions/compulsions even at somebody's house, that's the hard part.

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

smallwolf · ‎16-10-2018

Sunday,

Hi, and welcome to beyond blue. I do not have much experience with OCD, except that my psychiatrist thought I might have it at some level, because of my need to check of the door it locked, or constant checking of emails. But that would not help in your case. I can see from your example with the spoons the impact that it is having on your life.

From what you have said, it sounds like you might have had a relapse? Is that correct? You said that you have managed for year, and now as come back.

Would I also be correct in assuming that you had professional back when it started? And if so, can you remember what tools and tricks you were given to help you manage? Or do you think that you might need to seek out help again? (My issues with email might seem irrational, but I see a psychologist about that and other things going on in my life.)

Anxiety by itself though for me is handled by using whatever distractions tools I have available. That can be deep breathing, meditation, mindful eating exercises, etc. There are threads on the forum relating to mindfulness and grounding. If you want to read them, but cannot locate them, let me know and I will try to find the links and let you know.

Lastly, and this is much easier to say than believe... is that these are just thoughts. And have to remind ourselves of that whenever the thought occurs. Say to yourself, "I am having the thought that...".

I hope you managed to get something out of my rely. All the best,

Tim

Summer Rose · ‎16-10-2018

Hi Sunday

Welcome to the bb forums and thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry you're feeling so unwell.

My daughter has OCD and anxiety and I have cared for her for the past seven years, so I can really relate to what you're now experiencing.

The challenge is to ignore the anxious thought (e.g. I'm going to cause someone to get sick) and resist the cleaning behaviour. Of course this is easier said than done. But the more you can do this, the easier it will become.

I really want to encourage you to seek some professional help. It's really hard to manage this condition on your own but with the right tools and strategies you can succeed.

I know it's a tough illness but I also know there can be brighter days ahead for you.

Kind thoughts to you

romantic_thi3f · ‎16-10-2018

Hi Sunday1991,

Thanks for your post and for being here. It sounds like you've gotten some great support already from Tim (smallwolf) and Summer Rose.

The one thing I thought I'd mention though is one of the types of therapy that can help, just in case that's something you're interested in trying -

A big part of OCD is not just the thought (I might make someone unwell) but the action which turns into a habit that's so hard to break. CBT works really well for this - which learns about how your thoughts affect your feelings which affect your behaviours. You know that some of these thoughts are irrational, and that in itself can be a huge step. What is it about that thinking/cleaning is irrational that you can pick out? Is it that they are clean already, or that our immune systems are pretty strong? Finding more and more factual evidence can help so that that thought gets less intense.

The other thing that can be helpful is exposure therapy - the idea being experimenting with what might happen if you don't wear gloves, or only touch one spoon. This is scary and confronting, which is why it doesn't happen straight away and it only happens in very small steps.

If you're interested, Mindspot also offer free courses that you can do from home. It's funded by the Australian Government and has one specifically for OCD (tying in with anxiety).

https://mindspot.org.au/ocd-course

Hope this helps,

Sunday1991 · ‎23-10-2018

Hey Rose. Thank you for reaching out to me.

I have resisted conclusions in the past and it worked but it's so much harder now. What I am scared of the most is the fight or flight response and sensations. My brain does weird things when I am in the fight or flight and I hate it so much. The feeling is so uncomfortable that I do these conpilsions so I avoid the fight it flight. I don't seem to know how to not react to badly to my thoughts and how to remove fight or flight because when I resist then the fight or flight takes actions. 😞

Summer Rose · ‎23-10-2018

Hi Sunday

I understand exactly what you are saying. It is easier to wipe the doorknob or wash the cutlery than it is to deal with the fear and fight or flight feelings. You may even feel some relief.

The problem is that your compulsions will never be enough for OCD. The illness will want more, more rituals and more often to get the same temporary relief. OCD is sneaky and relentless.

But it is possible to stand up to OCD. MY daughter was so ill that OCD convinced her to stay up all night and clean so no one would get in her way. She couldn't function properly. Now she is in recovery.

What worked for her was Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), medication and lifestyle changes. She bravely tackled one compulsion at a time to reclaim her life. It got easier with each win.

I'm not a doctor and I'm not saying this approach is the answer for you. But I am saying there is hope for better health.

I want to encourage you to see your GP to discuss what's happening for you and possible treatment options. Please make a double appointment so the discussion is not rushed. What do you think of this suggestion as a first step?