Can you ever be "cured"of Social Anxiety?

[Thunderdog]

Hi,

So I have social anxiety and I'm really down in the dumps about it now. I've been struggling with this for my whole life, I'm now 24.

Talked to various specialists over the last 6 months and I am now on meds. The last 6 months I have never been worse...

And by social anxiety I mean vomiting food back up if I eat around people, just vomiting in general or fainting at parties or before public speaking, never knowing what to say in groups and just stay quiet, plus all the other normal symptoms like sweating, hyperventilating etc.

People think I just prefer being alone or I'm arrogant but I've now realised that all I really want is to be social. Its just the anxiety which prevents me because its so repulsing to feel that way. Generally they say I need to accept that I'm just an introverted person but I don't think I am. On rare occasions I've been the classic socialite at parties with people I don't know, then other times on the brink of a panic attack just being out with my brother who I trust more then anyone.

I have a friend who is one of the most outgoing people I know but tells me they were really shy and only ever had one friend in school, this just seems crazy to me.

So my question is can the social anxiety go away? Can it be beaten or is it something that will always linger and I just have to learn to live with/manage? I understand that everyone gets shy and nervous in some situations but most people don't loose their lunch at a family reunion.

I feel like if the SA goes away it will make me a more likeable person which will help with getting a social group which will help the depression and boost the confidence and so on.

Thanks

[PamelaR]

Hello Thunderdog and welcome to Beyond Blue forums

Social anxiety can be so debilitating can’t it? I’ve had it for as long as I can remember. Funny you talk about your outgoing friend, however they are very shy. That’s me.

I’ve worked most of my life and in my last job I used to say I was a introvert and they’d laugh at me. However, it’s very true.
You’ve asked - ‘can social anxiety go away’. Great question Thunderdog. If anyone provides the answer of ‘yes’, then I’d be so pleased. I’m over 60 and still get anxious in social setting, to the extent, I want to run away and leave the party, the meeting, whatever. Now, I immediately recognise it’s me wanting to escape. So I set in motion my anxiety coping mechanisms and stay put (for as long as I can).

So, I think - while it doesn’t go away, it gets manageable. I’ve had to learn to reduce the fear of the fear.

In part I think you’ve also answered your own question in your last para. I feel like if the SA goes away it will make me a more likeable person. For me, that was the issue - I didn’t like myself, therefore how could anyone else like me. Truly, I don’t think SA made me a less likeable person. It’s my own self perception that creates what I think others think of me.

What are your thoughts about managing your social anxiety? Rather than wanting it to disappear, never to return?

There are many resources available on the Beyond Blue website. Go to the Personal Best page and the section on anxiety. Also, you’ll find a thread in the Anxiety Forum - Tips on Managing Anxiety.

Other resources you can look at, if you want to that is (no pressure), is on the Centre for Clinical Intervention at the University of Western Australia. They have workbooks one can use to look at social anxiety - it’s quite detailed.

Keep reaching out Thunderdog, only if you want to. You’re not alone.

Kind regards
PamelaR

[Thunderdog]

Thanks so much Pamela!

Yeah I just don't get it, my friend who I also work with who tells people "I'm just so shy and I hate it" is the first person to volunteer to do any public speaking, or be interviewed on radio, organise and host parties/events etc. They are the centre of attention everywhere they go but thinks they are too shy. Whereas I think I'm too shy and want and prepare myself to do those things too but always pull out in the end or at best manage to pull it off in between fainting/vomiting and not eating for days.

So for managing my anxiety I seem to be able to manage general day to day anxiety and depression if I try hard enough using various tips like breathing and rationalising thoughts. As for social anxiety I was told to try and be present, start taking notice of things I can see, hear and physically touch when it starts coming on. I tried this last time it happened in a university class and it didn't work so well. I got to a point where I actually couldn't see anything or hear anything. I think I nearly passed out. Somehow I came back around so I left the room still in a very light headed state before running to the bathroom and started being sick for some time.

I've read some of the managing anxiety tips on the forum and as I said before they do work, just not for my social anxiety.

I'm going to check out the Uni of WA stuff, thankyou.

I just have come to a point where I don't know how to proceed any further. It's like I've hit a wall and can't find a way through.

I asked my friend what changed for them and they said that they were just accepted by some people at school who changed their life, as well as used some not so legal things. So I'm a bit lost.

Thanks so much

[PamelaR]

Hello Thunderdog

Welcome back. It's good to hear you manage 'general day to day' anxiety and depression with various techniques. Yes, managing social anxiety is another level all together. Yep being sick, it's dreadful hey.

You said - I just have come to a point where I don't know how to proceed any further. It's like I've hit a wall and can't find a way through. Can I share some of my experience? It may or may not help.

When I started out in the work force, I couldn't stand in front of a meeting, or audience. Interviews were the pits. I was lucky jobs I was interviewed for, always had someone I knew and who knew my true work abilities and capabilities. At parties, I move from person to person so I don't have to maintain a conversation for too long with any one person.

The same at university, when I had to present at a tutorial. Ugh, how painful it was.

What I've learnt during my working life is - standing up in front of people, being the centre of attention at an event or function is not a natural part of the human psyche. It is something to be learnt and practiced. It can be done. Firstly, I became a presenter on a community radio station. Before each session, I'd write out the 'whole script', otherwise there would have been dead air. It took a lot of work - had to decide which music to play, what I was going to say about the performer and the piece. Took me hours of prep work. I mastered this after about 2 years (she says laughing out loud). But no one saw me - I was anonymous.

Next step I MC'd for a local music group once a fortnight. That was harder. My anxiety was through the roof. The good thing was the audience were really good. I knew most of the people so it was a little less daunting (but still extremely anxiety provoking).

Still, it wasn't enough. In the work environment, I needed to show confidence in front of a crowd, so I did a training course, specifically focussing on improving my performance. The group I did the course with was great. We all had anxiety and all learnt from one another (that was the aim of the course). It was excellent. By the time I left work (last year) I was able to talk / present at large events / forums with confidence and effectiveness. (Mind you I was still very anxious beforehand) The best thing in these situations for me was to always have someone who I knew well and who believed in me, to be there. Somehow it always gave me strength to do extraordinary things.

Not sure if this helps Thunderdog

PamelaR