Can't cope with staying at home

peaches1 · ‎24-12-2015

I can't deal with staying at home doing 'nothing' (i.e. not going to the shops/seeing friends) for more than a day or two at a time before getting stressed over...nothing. I recently graduated from school, and I would experience this anxiety during the holidays. I had a Christmas job, but I won't be getting any more shifts, so I now have two months where I am doing absolutely nothing and I can already feel the anxiety building up. I don't know why it is, but I feel so stressed about not having something to do. I don't even have particularly bad thoughts - I just start feeling like I'm drowning when I think about staying at home with no plans to do anything in the future. It gets worse when I see other people having fun on social media, as I feel like I'm wasting my time by not having something to do. It sounds stupid when I type it out, but I don't know what I'll do with no plans for the next two months...

Girlbond_007 · ‎24-12-2015

Hi Peaches1,

thank you for sharing. I understand how you feel. If I have time by myself at home I go nuts. Do you have any hobbies or interests you can go out and do outside of the house? If not maybe try finding something you can focus on doing that will bring you some joy on your time off eg. Go for a nice walk or drive somewhere, do some cooking, colouring in, listen to music, go catch a movie (even by yourself - no shame in that).

it sounds like since you are only a recent school graduate maybe perhaps you are used to having your mind being busied if that makes sense. Can you take up some part time study perhaps?

geoff · ‎25-12-2015

dear Peaches, being bored at home can lead to various problems, which can then take over, so this is not your best option, so can you afford a bicycle because I know that groups meet down at the local park on certain days, go for a ride, have coffee and cake and then come home, or they decide to meet a few kms away and take their trip from there.

Some people drive to these spots a few kms away and then start their ride from there.

There are other options, such as hospitals need drivers to transport patients to and from venues or other hospitals on certain days, op shops need volunteers for their shops, so let us know how you feel. Geoff. x

Yael · ‎25-12-2015

Hi Peaches1,

I can quite understand you as I've been in similar situation. It sounds that you are goal oriented person as you can't stand to do nothing and you have just graduated from school.

Writing down how you feel, why, what strategies might work for you based on your experiences in the past, what your goals in life are, if there is any goal that you can work on while you are at home "doing nothing" etc., might help as writing is rigorous thinking. Also, some reading that motivates you instantly can work well too. For example, on-line articles written by Dr. Travis Bradberry (author of the book Emotional Intelligence 2.0) have been useful for me (i.e. most of the time I feel instant boost of energy and I realize that power is in me, less around me).

Geoff's suggestion about joining a bicycle group sounds very good. In general, riding bicycle, swimming, running can have positive impact on your feelings. While you are doing one of them, you are more or less surrounded with people, you have a goal (e.g. ride bicycle for 2 km - from house to park) and after completing one of them you can feel change in your body and probably mind.

Good luck and all the very best this holiday season.

Yael

Chicken_Wings · ‎25-12-2015

Hi Peaches,

I understand how you feel, yesterday was the first day of holidays for me and even the night before I started to feel anxious about not having anything to do the next day, let alone for the next few weeks.

for me, having work or something to do gives me a distraction from my anxiety and gives me a sense of accomplishment. When that's taken away I start to feel anxious about feeling anxious, wondering what my purpose is.

Personally I've resolved not to stay in bed too late, even though some people relish this on holiday. Try and make at least a rough plan for the week. This might mean making plans with people, investigating a new hobby and giving it a try. Looking for jobs that need to be done, like weeding the garden or cleaning out the fridge.

I also try and leave the house at least once a day. Either just to take a walk or to go run an errand. I don't want my house to start feeling like something that triggers my anxiety.

Maybe there is one big job that you could aim to complete over your entire break? Chipping away at it every day until you've finished and have something to show for your time.

the hard thing sometimes is finding things to do without spending heaps of money! Over summer there are heaps more free things on and more places to explore. If you feel ok about it joining a group or club could be a good idea.

peaches1 · ‎25-12-2015

Thank you so much for this, I know it sounds strange but honestly knowing I'm not stressing out over nothing and that there are other people that feel this way is very comforting. I honestly teared up at what you said about work giving you a sense of accomplishment/a distraction from being anxious or wondering what your purpose is, as that is exactly how I feel.

A friend suggested a 'mood diary' to just fill with plans and ideas for the future which will hopefully give me a sense of accomplishment on days where I don't have anything on to fill the time.

Thank you so much for these suggestions!

peaches1 · ‎25-12-2015

I like the bicycle suggestion! I think I have one lying around and there's plenty of nice paths to take around my house. Thank you!

Chicken_Wings · ‎26-12-2015

Glad you found some comfort Peaches.

one thing my psychologist said to me is to write a list of what a "happy life" would look like for me. Then find ways to make the things on the list become truths.

most of my list turned out to be feelings rather than things, so I needed to break those down and see how I could accomplish feeling that way.

for example "feeling safe" was on my list. So to break that down I think about what makes me feel safe. For me it's feeling like I have a person or persons to turn to when I feel anxious or sad.

so, this means working on my relationships, making sure I keep up friendships and talk openly with people when I need to. This helps me feel like I have places to turn.

maybe it will help you to make a list too?