There is nothing wrong

[Blissy]

I am so sick of feeling down when there is nothing wrong. I am getting so angry at myself. I am surrounded by loved ones and positive vibes but still feel completely alone with tears streaming down my face and that constant anxious feeling deep in my stomach. I want it to stop so badly. I want to convince myself that I am loved and people do care and think of me and miss me but it doesn't go away. I want to be humble and not expect back what I'm so willing to give. I want to be able to turn a blind eye to the apparent small things that cut me so deeply. I just want to be normal. If I keep acting how I am, I create the same vicious circle. Pushing people away for fear of them just breaking me more, them promising they won't leave so I push them until they can't handle it.

there is nothing wrong. I create problems in my mind, find reasons that they might be true and can't escape feeling so sad.

[White_Rose]

Dear Blissy

I agree with you, there is nothing wrong. Except that there is something wrong. I feel the same way and do exactly the same things. Why can't I accept that people care about me. Why do I want to run away and then get sad because I am alone. It's called depression and it is indeed one of the horrors of the world.

Hurting from all the small things as well as the large things. It's all so overwhelming and so nebulous that you cannot grab it by neck and give it a good shake.

If you have not spoken to your GP I suggest that as a first step. Continue to write in here for support. Join in other conversations and get tips on how to manage. You will get better but be prepared for a bumpy ride. Talk to your family and ask for understanding and support.

Mary

[Kazzl]

Hi Blissy, welcome to the forum. I think you'll find a lot of people here who know exactly what you mean and how you feel.

Sometimes we get down for obvious reasons - something bad happens, there's a clear trigger, from trauma or a difficult past or such. But sometimes there is no obvious reason. Depression for me began that way - I had a good life and absolutely no reason to be down. But I was, deeply so, and I felt I couldn't talk about it because people would think I was attention-seeking because there was 'nothing wrong'. Except, as Mary says, there was.

There are various theories about depression, one of which is that some sufferers have a chemical imbalance in the brain. That theory makes sense to me because anti-depressants have worked wonders for me. Or maybe I just find it easier to accept it somehow as a physical or 'medical' problem. Whatever the 'cause', one thing we know is that it is very very real. And these days it is much more widely accepted as an illness. 

Try to talk about it with someone who will listen, and do see your doctor. It need not be a forever condition, some people get treatment and never experience it again, or only occasionally. 

Very best wishes to you, and don't suffer alone. We're here.

Kaz

[Dwwmills]

Hello Blissy.

I’m glad that you came here and are talking about how you
feel. People here are dealing with similar things to what you are and it’s
always good to get someone else’s opinion. Anxiety and depression can be
managed and your life will be much better if you can do this.

Knowledge is power as they say and the more you know about
anxiety and depression the more likely you are to be able to change them. It’s
all about challenging the way you think and replacing those thought patterns
with more productive ones. It sounds simple and in some ways it is but it takes
a lot of practice. This is where talking to your GP possibly being referred to
a psychologist and a psychiatrist if medication is needed is a good start. You
don’t need to put up with feeling like you do as there is help out there for
you. There’s lots of information out there online, in books, and from
professionals that will help you take charge of your anxiety.

I can tell you from personal experience that it can be done.
I just wished I had tackled it earlier in my life because it is made such a big
difference, getting rid of anxiety.

Dean

[Chicken_Wings]

Blissy welcome, you are surrounded by people who know just how you feel. 

Why am I so scared? Why aren't I enjoying this? Why am I crying? Why can't I shake this?

you sound so mad at yourself, I get that too. But try not to direct your anger at yourself, this is not something you've chosen, if you could just flick this away you would. We all would.

Have you spoken to your GP about how you are feeling? If not then you should make an appointment. Do you have a family member you can talk to too?

telling someone and getting support makes you feel far less isolated and sets you on the path to improvement. like Dwwills said, medication, psychology or counselling are great tools that are available to you. Nobody deserves to feel how you are feeling and you can improve.

In the meantime, I know you are feeling low but it is so important that you keep going. Make sure you eat well, keep talking to people, find activities to do, look after yourself. When all you want to do is lay on the couch, push yourself to do something; even just doing the dishes. Then  lay on the couch. 

Keep posting in here too.