Can I get tips or advice?

[Alel]

Things that scare me or give me anxiety:

• Thinking about my past (especially)
• Thinking about my present
• Thinking about the future
• Urges
• Eating
• Vomiting
• Fainting
• Nausea
• Dizziness
• Feeling gassy
• Thinking about religion (not religious but my family is and I feel like I'm lying to them. Also dealing with religious trauma)
• Thinking about death
• The thought of being broken
• The thought of never getting better
• Cold or hot weather
• The thought of going crazy or insane
• Constantly feeling on edge or off
• Headaches
• The thought that I'm faking my mental illness or that I like being mentally ill
• Side effects of my meds and not knowing when I should be concerned
• Constantly being in existential dread everyday
• Being too conscious of my mental health, but also panic when I realise I've been too much in my head
• Loud sounds
• The thought of being a mean or toxic person
• Depression or depressive episodes coming back
• The thought of not eating on time, eating too much or too little, eating too fast (emetophobia)
• Change but also feeling stuck
• Body fatigue
• The thought of drinking too much ot too little (emetophobia)
• Living with a dysfunctional family that constantly fights 
• Living with an anxious mom 
• Bad family health history 

I'm just struggling and so many people have gone through this before and I have so much to learn and conquer and achieve. 

I wouldn't even have to go through all this, or have to overcome so much things or have to achieve things everyone already has or didn't even have to try for them to achieve it. 

If my brain was normal, the only thing on my mind would be teen things. 

But no, I have to have

severe anxiety, depression, agoraphobia and ocd. 

It's so hard to deal with. I'm so afraid of my own brain. I feel so different from everyone around me.

I know I'm not alone but it honestly feels like it. 

Don't have to help but tips for any of these things would really help please. I am trying to see a psychologist but I wanted to get a start now until I can get one. 

[Sophie_M]

Hi Alel, 
 
Thank you for sharing with us here. We can hear you’ve been having a really difficult time and it's understandable that you are overwhelmed by this. We’re really glad you could come and share this here, it’s not an easy thing to do and we really admire you doing so. 
 
We want you to know that you are not alone, while you wait for our lovely community to offer support please know that we have options of someone you can talk to. Often talking through our struggles can make us feel less alone. We’d really encourage you to give us a call on the Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636 to talk things through with the lovely counsellors there. A few more options are KidsHelpline on 1800 55 1800, Lifeline on 13 11 44, and Headspace on 1800 650 890. All of these options are also available through webchat, if you'd prefer:  

• Beyond Blue  
• Kids Helpline  
• Lifeline  

• Headspace (9am-1am AEST)  

Hopefully, you’ll hear from this lovely community soon. Maybe you could help them along by letting us know what kind of support you have at the moment, and if anyone around you is helpful or understanding with how you’re feeling? 
 
Kind regards,  
Sophie M 

[therising]

Hi Alel

While it's liberating in some ways, to be on such an enormous quest in coming to better understand yourself and the way you tick, I can understand the overwhelming compulsion when it comes to wanting all the answers and revelations as soon as possible. As soon as possible means not having to suffer through what you don't yet have the answers to.

I've found that while I can have a list of about 20 different challenges, becoming a detective of sorts (getting to the bottom of what each challenge is really about) can mean approaching things strategically, which could look a little like

• identifying which challenges tie in together
• which ones began earlier in life, compared to which ones developed much later and could they be a result or side effect of earlier issues
• which challenges are a result of chemical imbalances which may be responsible for anxiety, chemical based depression, extreme fatigue etc
• which challenges are more mental, involving certain belief systems I was raised with, certain social belief systems etc. Which ones relate to inner dialogue and require skills in managing inner dialogue (skills I may not have yet)
• which challenges are more soulful or soul destroying ones
• which ones I need guides or certain specialists for, compared to the ones I can manage on my own

and the list goes on and on.

I think the most important thing to consider above all else is our nature. 'It's in my nature to...' can help explain a lot in some cases. If it's in your nature to feel other people's stress through your nervous system, such a nature takes great skill to manage. If it's in your nature to feel down when no one's raising you, such a nature definitely comes with challenges, especially when most people around us are 'downers'. How to raise our self at times can take a heck of a lot of skill and strategy. If it's in your nature to be able to feel the speed of your thoughts (mental hyperactivity), skill's required in slowing thoughts down and even becoming thoughtless at times. If it's in your nature to be wonderful (full of wonder) it is so incredibly important to have people who will wonder with you. This is something I've discovered for myself. I could spend weeks or months wondering all alone as to why I can be feeling so depressed but when I have those close to me all wondering about the possible reasons, chances are I will be led to revelations much sooner. Fellow analysts, fellow wonderers, fellow visionaries (who can see the problem and solution through their imagination) and fellow sensitives (who are sensitive enough to feel my frustration) never say stuff like 'Stop over analysing. Stop wondering about so much and just get on with life. Stop daydreaming. Stop being so sensitive' etc.

[Alel]

With the nature part, that is what scares me. That the anxiety and depression are apart of me and no matter what or how many coping skills I learn, it'll never be enough and I'll just have to live with it.

Or that I'll always be afraid of smth and will never get over it. So I would have to spend the rest of my life adjusting to that fear and making sure it doesn't affect me.

It just makes me feel broken and weak. 

[therising]

Hi Alel

Your fears are understandable. A sensitive nature can feel like a set of scales, where we're always trying to manage some tipping point. What will tip me into depression? What will tip me into anxiety? 

If someone said to me when I was a kid 'I'm going to give you the power of heightened or super sensitivity, so that you'll easily be able to sense everything really easily' I may have been excited by that, proclaiming 'Bring it on! I can't wait'. I may have thought 'This is going to make me special and give me an ability or super power some people just don't have'. In reality, it's a heck of a lot of hard work, managing that ability, one that's come to feel like more of a curse at times. I can easily say I'm far from having mastered it, yet I've come far in my progress, compared to where I was at 20 years ago. This ability never came with a manual, so trying to figure it out has looked like a patchwork quilt of resources. Books, different YouTube resources, courses, chats with other sensitive people who've traveled much further than me (those who can offer guidance based on their experience), places and people to vent frustrations and confusion to, a circle of supportive and inspiring people... It's a huge list, so I won't go on. Basically, I would never have survived without a lot of these resources.

While I've managed the ins and outs of depression since my teens through to now, at 53, it's only in the last year or so that I figured out a major factor and that is...I cycle. Life can be going okay when suddenly a potentially stressful and/or depressing challenge presents itself. I will feel it. I'll go into a downshift. How long I stay in that downshift depends on 1)how quickly I can identify what the challenge is really about, 2)finding the guidance/resources I need and 3)how quickly I can relate to what new facet of me is trying to come to life. It's the revelations become the key to unlocking an up shift. Basically, with each cycle I kind of 'give birth' to some new facet of myself. The pain aspect I'd call 'the labour pains' of gradually coming to life, bit by bit. Some of those pains can feel unbearable. Some require a lot of hard work and strategy to get through.

Whether it's the analyst in you trying to come to life through analysing the hell out of everything or the sage in you offering guidance while insisting 'You can't manage this alone' or perhaps the feeler in you that is eager for you to get a feel for the best way forward while trying to lead you to get a feel for some of what you need to let go of, all can present pain when on the verge of fully coming to life.