can anyone tell me what's going on?

[HelenM]

I've not been on the forums for a week or two.

I'm having new symptoms that don't make sense.

By the beginning of June I was coming out of a 5 month depression - it was mild for me.

Then one day I developed horrendous fear (mental rather than physica ) that I'd go right down again. After an awful week it passed and I started back up. Within 4 weeks I was fine again then wham-  the same horrible fear Which passed after a week. I went on to have 3 pretty good weeks  -  then fear again though not just as intense but debilitating. This went after a couple of days. So I begin to relax - then last Friday -just four days later here it is again - very like the one  before in duration and intensity. 

My GP thinks it's unpleasant but has no answers.  In 12 years of depression I've haven't had fear anything like this bad. My depression and anxiety are minimal - I don't know what's going on. Just now(ie in the last few days) the only thing that's holding me back is the belief that this will return. Because it's so new to me I am unable to see how it can possibly resolve. Can it?

Please if any of the answers are negative don't tell me. Also I can't see a psychiatrist as they'd recommend CBT which I've done lots of.

I feel totally lost in all this and whilst I'm grateful for the good days the fear is blighting my life.

Thanks for reading, Helen

[white knight]

Dearest HelenM

I have no answers. However please keep us updated with this issue. I'm sure others will be interested in the developments.

Take care. Tony

[SubduedBlues]

Why HelenM, could it be that the end of your journey is approaching?

I'm no doctor, but could this be similar as to when some adolescents outgrow Tourettes Syndrome? These children have had their affliction with TS for so long they cannot remember a life without it, and then living without TS becomes a difficult adjustment for them. 

So as I read through your brief posting I am wondering, if after 12 years of depression, if maybe you might be having a difficult time adjusting to the three plus months without an episode (it's been since June correct?)

D'

ps: I'n not suggesting one can outgrow depression, rather I am endeavoring to draw parallelism to the transitory state between afflicted and unafflicted (irrespective of the duration of our non-depressive state). [hope that makes sense]

[gmc]

Hello HelenM,

I don't know what it is, but looks to me like panic attacks... I don't know a lot, I am not a specialist, but my mother has some of these from time to time and I am thinking the same. I know, you told us that you don't want to read this kind of answers, but the reason why I am writing this is to encourage you to see another psychiatrist. I am 24 and since I was 19 I suffer from anxiety and depression. I have been looking for help, I've seen 1 social care specialist, 2 psychologist, 3 psychiatrists before the two I see now and that have actually given me the right medication (because some haven't given me at all, although I was suffering and they saw that) and the therapy for me. So please don't give up, see someone until you actually get the right treatment. Andrew Solomon, a writer who has suffered himself from severe depression, said in his book "The Noon Demon" (about depression) that you have to find the right treatment for YOU, even if it means balancing on you head (or something like that... anyway, was about something very eccentric). So go ahead, please try to find the right one for you!

Good luck and keep us posted,

gmc

[HelenM]

Thanks Tony, D'jected and gmc for your posts.

I was at the Doctors again today. He says I have phobic anxiety ie. I am frightened of returning to my really bad depression so I'm getting periods of fear. He believes that I'll probably come out of this over time. All this makes sense to me. I remember many years ago my Dad thought he had cancer. He'd go to the Drs but no matter what they said he still thought he had cancer. Eventually it would leave him but eventually come back. At 83 he's a fairly laid back man now.

[gmc]

Hello Hellen,

I am glad you went to the doctor and that you feel better with his explanation. I hope now it's a bit easier to treat your anxiety. It does make sense, mostly with you told about your father. 

I hope you're better. Keep us posted.

gmc

[HelenM]

Thanks gmc,

Yes I certainly feel better with an explanation and I'm a lot like my Dad - fairly neurotic. It seems there are so many components to mental illness, it's impossible to grasp it all.

Helen

[gmc]

What I believe, Helen, is that once you know and you are fully aware of what the problem is, things get a lot easier and better. I know it because this happened to me. I knew what was it about and that it was happening to me, but I didn't get to be aware. And now I am. And I am better :).

[geoff]

dear Helen, I am hoping that over time these periods of either panic attacks or depression attacks will eventually level out, because the way I see it, is that the present time is going as well as it could be, but then all of a sudden there maybe something that is approaching you, an event or a happening, which you are not looking forward to, so what happens is that you dive downwards and into having a mild downhill spiral into depression, but as soon as time progress's you then spiral back up to being OK again.

It's like me having a relapse, because it only lasts for a couple of days, but when it does happen I have now learnt that I will get better, it's still never nice to experience, but over time you will learn this as well, as I presume your dad has also realised this.

I would ask him about how he feels, and whether or not it's something that has levelled out for him. L Geoff. x

[Snoman]

Hi Helen,

Sounds to me like the nature of your depression is changing.  Hopefully that is a sign that you are breaking through to a better level.  It might mean you are ready to try different techniques.

I haven't gone through CBT, and to be honest, don't know much about it either.  Since you are over it, perhaps you could try something more along the mindfulness approach?  I'm not a Zen master by any means, but I do find it very helpful for me.  Perhaps you could look into ACT (acceptance commitment therapy) which is very good at managing depression and anxiety.

Sounds like your dad is becoming more mindful too if he is more laid back.

Sno