Being alone for the first time

[dawnstudent]

I have been suffering with severe social anxiety for my whole life, it makes every aspect of my life extremely difficult for me. I am in a long term relationship (10 years) and think it may be codependent in a lot of ways and as such I have not fully grown up like most people, if that makes sense. I depend on my partner for a lot of things. Next year my partner will be going on a family holiday overseas for a month. I am invited to this holiday, however I have decided to study nursing next year and can't afford to leave study for a whole month to go with them.

My issue here is that I have never been alone by myself, my partner has never gone on a holiday without me, and the thought of my partner leaving me alone for a month is terrifying me. This is happening late next year and I am already developing anxiety about it. I think because it will be a combination of the new study + going to nursing clinicals, and then being alone for that month that is really getting to me. Just the thought of doing nursing is causing me extreme anxiety, so adding the fact that my emotional/support "lifeline" will not be there for me during that time is adding to it. I know it sounds ridiculous but I have never been left to deal with things by myself ever in my life. I'm not sure how to deal with it mentally, is there something I can do to prepare? or literally just push through it and get over it as it comes?

[Peppermintbach]

Hi dawnstudent,

Firstly, well done on your decision to study nursing next year. I think that is an admirable goal 🙂

That being said, I feel your fears and worries too. I also understand that you’re feeling very unsettled, scared and nervous about being alone for a month when your partner is way. I know social anxiety can be very debilitating...

It sounds as though you have a very close relationship with your partner, and that you turn to him for most things. So to suddenly be alone for a month after 10 years of your partner being by your side everyday is understandably daunting...

I think you’re very wise to try to weigh up your options, in terms of how to proceed when he’s away. In my opinion, I think it might help to plan ahead, rather than just face it as it comes.

The reason that I suggest that is I think part of anxiety stems from a fear of uncertainty. So I think that planning might be able to give you something to fall back on, and therefore hopefully be able to alleviate some of those feelings of anxiety.

I wonder if you’re currently seeing a psychologist or counsellor? It’s just that I feel they could help you plan ahead, and also help you practice coping strategies to manage your social anxiety.

Otherwise, I wonder if you could start by taking incremental steps (slowly) to learn to be able to do things without your partner. You could start with something very small e.g. if there’s a household chore that your normally do together (or even something that your partner normally does), maybe you could ask to do it alone to practice self sufficiency and hopefully boost your self confidence. Then maybe you could slowly build on that, and extend it to more challenging activities/longer periods of time that you do things independently or even with other people.

The way that I see it is social confidence is like a muscle, and the more we practice social skills, the stronger that muscle gets. I think building that social muscle doesn’t happen overnight, but with time and practice...

I don’t know if that was helpful or not, but I still wanted to offer some suggestions. There’s no rush or pressure, but if and when you feel like writing it again, I would love to hear how you are doing 🙂

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper