Hiya stormgirl- I bet you picked that name because you feel like you're in a storm right now! You seem to be experiencing very classic symptoms of an anxious/ depressive episode.
everyone has moments of anxiety and sadness but when it becomes constant; persistent, severe and life- damaging: that's when it's an illness.
1 in 4 people suffer a depression or anxiety illness at one point in the lives: most of these recover completely, others make substantial improvements but may always be more likely to suffer again.
i suggest a trip to your GP. They can set you up a mental health care plan that entitles you to see a psychologist for free or cheap. If you don't like the therapist, try another one. They will teach you to cope with anxious feelings, improve your self esteem, and improve your mood and thoughts to be more realistic and balanced.
medication helps many people with anxiety and deoression as well- this is worth discussing with your doctor.
a theraoy you might like is called Acceptance and Commitment therapy. Basically in it you learn to Accept the reality as it is, and then Commit to doing what you truly want to do anyway, and acting in accordance with YOUR true values and goals.
Anxiety has a nasty habit of making us do what the ajxiety wants- it's like a really loud voice telling in our heads, saying nasty scary things like "I'm not good enough" "nobody loves me". ACT isn't about debating or arguing the thoughts- it's about recognising then for what they are: just thoughts. It doesn't matter if they're true or false: it only matters of they're HELPFUL. In ACT, if a thought is not helpful- we focus instead on a more helpful thought. Instead of "im an awful person" it becomes "I'm going through a hard time but it will get better"
a therapist can teach you these techniques (mindfulness, exposure therapy) better than I can.
Meanwhile practice self-compassion. Give yourself a break, forgive yourself, care for yourself. You're siffering a mental illness- it sucks! Think of what you'd say to your best friend if it was them- and say it to yourself.
my favourite theraoy book is "the happiness trap" by Dr Russ Harris. Has lots of helpful techniques for coping with anxiety/ depression
ky favourite iPhone therapy apps are:
ACT Companion (fun 5-10 minute mindfulnness exercises)
Smiling mind (a nice mindfulness guided meditation app that counts your total and gives you achievements)
