Anxious about health

44Max44 · ‎16-03-2019

Hi guys, this is my first post on here.

I've been having some issues recently that are really getting me depressed.
A few days ago I turned 20, but I couldn't enjoy my birthday at all because of how anxious and depressed I was feeling. I overthink and overanalyse everything, to the point where I get myself worried over absolutely nothing. Recently, it's been my health I worry about, for example, I will get the slightest pain or an unusual ache or something and every single thought possible will run through my head and I just get super worried that something is wrong with me. It's gotten to the point where I'm not sure if I'm actually feeling these things, or if it's all in my head and I'm just tricking myself into thinking I'm feeling these things.
I've spent the last few days unable to do anything I enjoy because I'm constantly thinking about whether or not I'm healthy or not. I've gone to a GP and had tests done to see if anything is wrong, but all I feel like doing until the results come in is sleep or do literally anything else that will keep my mind at ease.

Now, I feel completely fine physically, I have energy, everything's working how it should, and I'm not getting any symptoms that could be a sign for concern, but I still worry 24/7 about my health. It's almost like I have this 'gut feeling' that something is wrong with me when there probably (hopefully) isn't. I feel like the only thing that could put my mind at ease is getting a full body CT scan and tests on me just to be 100% sure I'm fine, but I know none of that is necessary. It's like my brain has already made up its mind that I have some disease so I should start writing up a bucket list, even though I've had nothing to indicate that I'm even slightly unhealthy.

I'm just wondering if anybody else has anxiety like this, and how they treat/cope with it? It's already ruined my birthday and a few days after it, and it's making me super depressed. Hopefully the tests I got done come back clean and that puts my mind at ease, but until then I don't know what to do.

Any advice is appreciated.

Cheers guys, thanks for reading my post.

44Max44 · ‎18-03-2019

Hi emdnell,

I also get very similar symptoms. I get a tightness in the neck and think I'm having trouble breathing, or get heart palpitations and a tight chest and think there's a problem with my heart. These symptoms used to freak me out and gave me the first and only real panic attack I've ever had, but I've realised over the time I've had these symptoms that it's just my anxiety giving me these symptoms and that they're completely normal for people who suffer from anxiety.

I was also getting the exact same dissociation feeling you described, it almost felt like I was in a simulation or dream and not actually there myself. It felt like I was 99% in my head and only 1% there physically, all I could do was think and be anxious about my symptoms to the point where I could not enjoy myself whatsoever. I tried watching videos on YouTube, playing games, or doing anything really to keep my mind off my anxiety, but I found it impossible to actually pay attention to any of these things because my mind was 100% focused on my anxiety all the time.
It really sucked and honestly felt like some of the worst days I've ever had, but just now a few days later I already feel much better. It was after watching 'the anxiety guys' videos called 'Symptoms Of Anxiety: My Worst Ones Explained' and 'Health Anxiety Affirmations' that I felt my first break from the anxiety in a long time. Just him describing the symptoms I was feeling almost exactly made me feel a whole lot better and allowed me to calm down. I can't guarantee it will be that easy for you, but it worked for me.

Hope this helps.

44Max44 · ‎24-03-2019

Another update:

So recovery wasn't as easy as I first thought.

Every day I find myself taking notice to every single ache, pain, and sensation in my body, stuff that I would have never even noticed a couple of weeks ago now make me worry more then I'd like to admit. This is by far the most miserable I've been in my life, constantly being in my own head and worrying about stuff that will 999 times out of 1000 not come true.

I sleep 12 hours pretty much every single day because I don't want to get out of bed, and because my dreams are pretty much the only place I have where I can feel happy. I also have pretty much no appetite because I don't enjoy eating like I used to, I only really eat so I don't starve. In under 2 weeks, my weight has dropped by 2 and a half kilograms, all because I pretty much have to force myself to eat.

I find myself going through pretty much the same cycle every day. After I wake up I feel depressed and anxious, then maybe a few hours later I feel 'normal' again and can maybe actually enjoy doing some stuff during the day, but then as soon as it gets dark I start to feel miserable again. Some days I feel on the top of the world and feel like I've overcome my worries and can do anything, just to go back to feeling super miserable again the next day. Most days I wake up, and even if I'm feeling completely fine, it's almost as if I expect and feel like I should be anxious, so I start to feel anxious. I'm like "Hey, where's my anxiety gone? I feel fine!", but just thinking about my anxiety gets me in the same mind loop again, and then I go back down the same anxious road. It's like my life is in a constant state of 2 steps forward, 1 step back.

I've suffered from generalized anxiety and depression for years now, and never even considered going to a psychiatrist before because I never thought I needed it, but now for the first time in my life, all I want to do is go and see one in the hopes that they can 'fix' me.

I feel so sad all the time and find it extremely difficult to have a positive outlook on anything anymore. It feels like I'm in a dark pit that I'll never escape.

The next thing on my to-do list is definitely talking to my GP about this because I'm at a loss on what else to do.

Any tips and advice is appreciated, but I mainly wrote this up to vent.

MsPurple · ‎24-03-2019

Hi TeRetz

Sorry to hear you health and general anxiety hasn't been getting better

I myself have GAD and sometimes health anxiety (e.g. I bite my lip, is it a cold sore) but it isn't ever major health worries. I need to talk to someone when this begins to flare up. I see my psychologist more when this happens. I also try meditate for 10 minutes a day (can use phone apps or youtube videos (I do the free ones). I find this helps calm me down more and helps me with my rational thoughts. I find my racing thoughs worsen my anxiety so talking about the racing thoughts helps me in turn deals with them

I was referred to a psychiatrist 6 months ago. He has slightly changed my medication which I have found helpful. He has also given me some reassurance and has helped me deal with my general anxiety and concentration issues

Hope this helps. My best advice is to talk to a professional about it. Be open to them and honest. Because if you hide things it makes it harder for them to help you.

44Max44 · ‎27-03-2019

Talking to a professional is definitely the next thing I'm going to do, I should have started doing this years ago, and maybe if I had I wouldn't be in the position I am now. My main problem with this is that there is usually a super long wait time to get into a public psychiatrist, the last time I talked to my GP about it they said it would take something like 2 months, and after hearing that I just dropped that idea and never ended up going. I feel like I need this help right this second, so to hear that I have to wait several months is just a really big let down, to say the least.

It's not really my anxiety that has been getting me down lately, though. I've just been super depressed, I have no energy, no motivation to help myself, and haven't really been seeing the point in doing much of anything except for mindlessly watching videos, eating, and sleeping.
I sometimes have moments of enlightenment where I feel like I can do anything or be anything, just to go back to being depressed a few hours later. I want to talk to my family and friends about how I'm feeling but I don't have the courage to.

Thank you for the advice.

MsPurple · ‎28-03-2019

Hi TeRetz

I know how annoying and difficult it can be dealing with the wait times. I myself was lucky. I was able to see one within a month (can't remember actual times). He does one clinic a week that doesn't have as many clients as some of his other clinics. Maybe you could see if that doctor they refer you to work in another clinic (also make sure they bulk bill / have low fees at both clinics, some doctors work in multiple clinics but don't bulk bill in all based on clinics criteria). Maybe also ask your GP for a few names / referals and see if some have shorter waiting times.

Having the conversation regarding your mental health with others can be scary. For me I didn't have a choice, as I had issues when I was young and both my parents knew and discussed it with me (OCD when 12 and EDNOS when 15, note think my OCD was a symptom of my GAD, my parents are also in the medical world). So they have always known. But some things I still struggle to talk to them about (especially ED related issues). I just talk to them about things I am comfortable with. I know it maybe harder to discuss with family who may not have a good understanding of mental health issues. I decided to tell my uni coordinator about my struggle as it was affecting my research project. I did so by doing it in a letter. I found it easier to explain it to them. Just so they knew. Say how you are no longer wanting to feel like this an taking steps to get better but would still like some support. Maybe consider doing so in a letter

Another way to bring it up with family, as well as educate them in the area, is to watch a video about it. Say before watching the video 'this is how I have been feeling. Beyond blue have some youtube videos but another good one is by WHO called 'my black dog'.

Ash81 · ‎14-04-2019

Hi, I’m wondering how you’re going? You sound like my twin! I live in CONSTANT fear and have nothing that makes me want to get out of bed or feel any excitement about. I have a beautiful family and everything seems to be going fine. My indigestion/nausea feeling has taken over me at the moment. My mind is racing thinking everything that it could mean. I don’t want to go to my dr because she will say it’s anxiety like it was last time. I’ve lost weight because I don’t eat and I was such a foodie! This is debilitating.. just wanted to see how you were and for you to know you’re not alone!

44Max44 · ‎16-02-2020

Man, I've come a very long way since making this post almost a year ago...
Now, instead of jumping straight to conclusions and assuming the worst, I think rationally and don't panic. If I'm worried about something, I go to the doctors and get their opinion before I make my own.
I honestly thought I'd never get out of the dark place I was in back when I made this post, so I'm very proud of myself.

Right now, however, I am struggling with one thing in particular, and that's a lump in my mouth kind of under my tongue. If I had felt that lump this time last year, I would have immediately gone into full-on panic mode, but now I think rationally and think it's just a salivary stone or something else not so seriously, but regardless I think I'll go down to my GP and get their opinion because if it does end up being something not good I would rather catch it as early as possible.

Since feeling the lump I've actually been in a kind of super mellow mode... I don't even know how to explain it... I just feel weirdly okay. Obviously I'm still a tad worried about the lump but my frame of mind is that there's no point in stressing over it and should just wait until I get my doctor's opinion.

To others out there suffering from health anxiety, it does get better, you may not feel like it will, but with hard work and determination you can beat it, I promise.