Anxiety, zero friends and sick of pretending it’s all ok...

[Whispa]

Hi all,

im a mother of 2 awesome kids, great partner, house, everything I could want...

but im so fed up with not having a single friend, and not knowing why. I have anxiety and depression, mainly social anxiety, and recently health anxiety which is a massive pain in the butt, but I keep all those battles to myself, and put on a face to everyone around me. I’m friendly, polite to everyone and helpful but just don’t have a single friend.

I’ve never had a huge lot of friends and I lost a few due to abusive partner a few years ago, so I’ve gotton use to being alone, but for the past couple of years I’ve got tired of having no other females to talk to or hang out with so I’ve been trying to make just one friend.

Not sure what it is about me but I just can’t. I’m fully prepared to admit it’s my fault somehow, but no one will tell me what I do wrong. Most people talk for a while then stop talking. I’ve tried messaging friends from school and the 3 I messaged have not even opened the messages (fb, so I know it sent) I’ve ran into 2 of them who have just given me dirty looks and walked away. Everyone else I find is friendly, but that’s it. Never interested in hanging out or talking unless there’s a reason or need. My partner says I’m too nice and become a doormat very quickly. I don’t gossip or backstab, but most people act like I’ve either said something horrrible (maybe I sleep text 🙄) or like I’m that over eager clingy type. Which I never ever invite myself in on anyone’s activities as I’m not stupid enough to set myself up for rejection, but I accept offers if they are ever made.

Trouble is I’m so fed up and hurt over it, I can feel myself becoming very bitter and cynical, and spend hours each day sitting around just down over it, and checking for messagesthat never come.

I guess I’m just asking who else feels like this and did you find a way to drag yourself out of it and accept it? I love my kids and partner and life but just feel I’m missing out on something that is suppose to be a normal part of life, and it’s making my other issues far worse...

[Here_I_am]

Hi Whispa,

I'm a dad with two daughters, a wife, and very active work and sporting life. I am around good people all the time, and many of them I have known for nearly ten years! But, like you, I count none of them 'friends', and if we didn't work together or do martial arts at the same dojang together or work out at the same gym, their would be no connection at all.

I appreciate the feeling of being socially adrift. I feel it every day too; I went from being very connected with a solid group of peers to having virtually nobody outside of my immediate family in a matter of days when we left our church several years ago. Since then we have not been able to make any new connections with people that seem to go anywhere.

Whispa, I want to assure you that this is not an uncommon experience in 2019. It is a struggle for many people to genuinely connect with others, especially in the ways we used to. I know many of the people in my circle of acquaintances who also feel socially adrift, yet in spite us both knowing each other has a gap in our lives, their is still no traction to close the gap.

One thing is for sure - post here, and someone will reply! 🙂

Hope you have a good evening, and that tomorrow is a better one for you.