FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Anxiety With Potential Relationships

borderline_insanity
Community Member
Anxiety has been a constant struggle almost my whole life, one of the worst triggers being potential relationships. I'm completely fine when someone is interested in me - the problem arises when I start to feel the same way towards them. It terrifies me beyond comprehension, and I start to over think it, resulting in frequent panic attacks that eat away at me. Usually I love the idea of being in a relationship, so I guess I'm wondering why I get so unbelievably scared when the idea becomes an actual possibility. I'm currently in this position now and I don't want to run away from something potentially great just because of unnecessary fears that I can't explain. Why do I feel like this and how can I manage/overcome it?
3 Replies 3

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi and welcome,

there could be a few reasons why you feel this way.

1. You may fear the relationship not working, being hurt and having to start again;

2. You could subconsciously be afraid of the commitment and what comes next if things do progress.

what have previous relationships been like? Do you end them when you start to feel panicky?

cmf

Hi CMF,

While I've experienced this panic with every previous relationship, I have stuck it out each time and moved past it with each person. I feel that it is more intense this time, however, and I wonder if it might be something to do with this person having been a good friend for some time now, not just of mine, but also my family.

I think you could also be right about the fear of commitment and things not working out, I tend to overthink and it's like my head only wants to focus on the negative possible outcomes, though I'm not too sure how to tackle this issue.

hey borderline insanity,

is your name a reference to borderline personality disorder?

I'm just making a bit of a leap considering you're talking about relationships and that's often a hallmark of the diagnosis.

Anyway, diagnosis aside, it sounds like you've been getting better at managing your relationship anxiety. I'm in the same boat in terms of having freak out moments with my interpersonal relationships and trying to work on it.

It's very hard to do though since we are essentially wired a particular way but what has helped for me is to have a friend that i basically check everything with. When I'm afraid, I tell them. When I'm feeling good, I tell them. I'm amazed she's this patient with me but she also has anxiety and I guess she can kind of relate. Have you tried sharing your thoughts with someone else close before?

I've also tried doing the "okay I'll wait another minute before replying" tactic. It kind of helps me to just get used to having zero communication but...yeah, it's a slow process to rewire the brain.

Have you discussed this with any medical health professionals? I currently see my psychologist twice a week - i get attachment issues with her too, but I guess that's the point. We can't work on our attachments unless we're exposed to them, so I think it's great that you're continuing to give it a go 🙂

James