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Anxiety Ridden again

Anxietyridden
Community Member

Hello Everyone. Long time no talk. 

I am struggling with anxiety again. I currently work 3 days a week. The pay is good but I have this feeling in me that I should be working 5 days a week as I feel bad for my husband. I know in my heart that I can't handle 5 days a week but my mind is not helping. My middle daughter left her stable job as she wasn't happy and now cannot find another job. She has less then $100 left in her bank account and she is struggling mentally as well and I don't know how to help her. My youngest daughter who has a medical condition is not well at the moment and can't seem to get better so things are pretty tense at the moment. 

I had a bit of a light bulb moment the other night in regards to my mother living with us (which I am not happy with). I realised that I don't understand why I am obligated to take her in and care for her when she didn't look after me when I was younger.

I just honestly feel like everyone would be better if I wasn't here with my issues but I don't know how to fix them. 

Sorry, I know it might not make sense I just needed to get it off my chest.

1 Reply 1

therising
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Anxietyridden

 

I feel for you so much, I really do. I had a similar thought just the other day, 'I should be working more than just a few days a week'. Then I think it was the sage in me or something wise that insisted I consider how much I'm currently working in other ways. It was more so questioning

  1. 'Are you trying to help your son transition into adult life after having completed VCE last year?'. Yes, in a number of ways, given his struggles
  2. 'Are you managing to find the time to see your father on top of managing certain aspects of his life, while he faces the challenges of dementia and living in an aged care facility?'. Yes, while also helping my siblings take time off from doing this
  3. 'Are you managing running everything in and around the house, other than cleaning out the gutters and mowing the lawns, so that your husband doesn't have to manage all those things?'. Yes, so that he has time to relax outside of work
  4. 'Are you helping your mother (in physical, mental and soulful ways) so that a decline in her physical abilities doesn't impact her too heavily?'. Yes, in many ways
  5. 'Are you trying to manage your own life as well, outside of all of this and working a few days a week?'. Hell yeah, in more ways than I can count

Not sure whether it's dialogue coming from my inner sage or it's my daughter's voice in my head but what I hear is 'What is wrong with you gurl?! Why are you doubting yourself when you should be proud of yourself for managing all this?'. Good point. What also comes to mind is 'Do you remember how bad things got before you took the whole of last year off in order to cope with so much more?'. I forget sometimes how intense the stress/anxiety became and how depression was becoming a factor before I took that time off.

 

I've learned that we find our tipping point sometimes in the toughest of ways but the fact is we find it. When the challenges begin to pile up and tip the scales and if we're a real feeler (being able to feel all those challenges), there's no choice but to manage establishing a sense of balance. If managing means working 3 days a week or taking time off, so be it. The challenges you speak of aren't actually yours, they belong to your daughters, your mum, your husband and I'm sure there are other people in your life needing your help. As a helper/guide/support for others, this is where you're being challenged. While they have individual challenges, you feel them collectively because you care for everyone. This can help explain why you're the one in the family that feels the most.

 

When it comes to your mum, is she contributing in any ways that make life easier for you (financially, physically, mentally or soulfully etc) or is she simply there to be served?