Anxiety over relationship status

[Minitrue]

Hi everybody,

I am a 26 year old male, have had minor panic/anxiety episodes in the past (approximately 3 years ago was my last panic attack).

I got help as soon as the recurring panic attacks started, I got onto an antidepressant for a few years after that, and have been off them for a few months now - panic free. CBT helped me get through the distorted perceptions and still does.

The last few weeks I've felt really lonely and a tad anxious over the fact that I have been single up until this point. I have had a few dates here and there, but nothing serious. This has never bothered me before, I have achieved a lot of things whilst being single, a lot of positive things.

I just can't shake the feeling lately, the yearning to find a partner, it's actually making me anxious, like I'm running out of time or something (which I know is silly). I sometimes find myself having negative self-defeating thoughts, telling myself I'm unattractive or that I give off an aura of 'damaged goods/red flag' to women. Occasionally I'll think I'm not normal, that being 26 and having never been in a relationship is embarrassing, I feel like a kid still. It's beginning to hurt my confidence levels when it comes to approaching a potential partner. 

Does anybody have some suggestions as to how to deal with these feelings? I'm finding it hard to decide whether this is just a normal phase of life or whether I've let my anxiety hijack a normal urge and take it too far..

Thanks

[Jacko777]

Hi minitrue,

I think you are having some natural feelings there but I think you want to ensure that you are satisfied that your anxiety is under control. If you are having a 'few dates here and there' then you are doing what you can, you are giving yourself the opportunity to make new relationships, friendships that could lead to more. I guess it would help to have clarity about your self, know that you are desirable and that you are not damaged goods. Whether you have had long term relationships in the past or not makes little difference to your future, try to stay focused in the present moment, what positive things can you do now to meet and get to know new people? 

Keep true to your self and be active, surely you will meet people along the way and as you say, you are young, cut yourself a break knowing that time is on your side.

Talk any time. Jack

[Minitrue]

Thanks for the reply!

I think maybe I need to take a 'worry break', just keep doing the things I like doing.

I'm really proud that I beat the debilitating anxiety that overcame me a few years back, but there are still moments like this where I catch myself out with some dodgy thinking. It's the 'should've and should be' stuff that I'm battling with now, I feel like I 'should' be in a relatonship, or that I 'should' have been in one in the past. wish I could just let it go and not care sometimes.

[Jacko777]

I agree mate, I think you can do a bit of both, spend some time daily NOT thinking about whether you should be in a relationship but also, make some fresh plans for the future. If being in a relationship is an issue perhaps you could set some goals to get out more often where you are meeting new people, online dating etc, have some clear plans that you can activate, then you can find some satisfaction from knowing that you are on track.

It's great that you 'catch yourself', then you can make the choice to find the appropriate response to your feelings and the situation. You have proven to your self that you can work on your anxiety, that pride that you feel is pure mental strength, no one can take that from you. This is all just my opinion of course! 

Talk any time.

Jack

[BabySteps]

"I have this weird Personality I'm a Chicken In relation to thinking about Sex and with Women I'm rather Shy or Avoidant, Especially If their Attractive I feel Sad but comfortable without being around them But than wanting a Girlfriend, and my Future more than most things"

I also have a Issue with I don't have the Social Skills, In relation To what you can not say In relation to Girl's Talk VS General things that Men wouldn't be bothered by, I'm also not a Flirtacious Personality and I find It awkward yet appealing and without Work Or Studying and Driving Your not valuable to think about Women and you have to have the Confidence to approach and than It's about finding the Girls you like Physically with Attraction and Character, Shared Values and Either Political or Religious Interest's too, And It's hard to find that when I prefer Americans In relation to Physicality and Accent and Humour and Attraction and Religion and potentially Political Views

And your Ideally needing Friends otherwise Women find your Boring too, and since I cut out Toxic Friends In 2017, I haven't been able to meet others due to not Working or being out In Society

Plus I don't get the chance to go anywhere because I'm not Studying, I'm not Interested In Study only a Cert IV In Nutrition or Working I'm also not with my Driving together, I don't have a Sense for suitable Entry Jobs either, and I don't have Net Work, Only 11 Month's Volunteer History In a Retail Role I don't want, I'm linked to a Job Recruiter, and their not real help to me

[Abby-C]

Can't really blame you for cutting out toxic friends. If they're not good for your mental health, there is no reason for them to be in your life. As for you not being sociable and all, I think you shouldn't force things. It's okay if that's the way you are. Slowly work on your self-esteem but focus on yourself. Sometimes, we tend to compare ourselves with others.

[BabySteps]

I Listed about 19 Understandable Reasons for why I can't be suitable for a Relationship, and It's that Dream of wanting the Right Person, and needing more Support than most people, Beyond Family, but also probably not being suitable a Girl, because I don't know how to be the Calm or Best Version of my Self when I'm facing Stress and Aniexty