Anxiety making me feel fearful every day

[Beckinson1]

This is my first post on any kind of forum and I am posting because I don't know what else to do.

I am now in my early 20s but had a health plagued childhood. While I have been fine for many years now, about a year ago I began to experience terrible anxiety and hypochondria. I can no longer have a scratch without deducing I have a terrible illness and my anxiety has become so overwhelming I now feel fearful every day, especially in regards to my health. 

A lot of the problem is that I love life and am terrified of things going wrong as I do not deal well with uncertainty or anything that is outside my control. This ties in with a fear of being judged and I often find myself going out of my way to avoid social interactions with people I do not know well or perceive to be different to me (I assume these people will automatically dislike me). This of course affects my relationships and as an example, I sat alone in my car, in a car park for an hour on Saturday night because I was too nervous to go to my boyfriend's place in case he was talking to the people in the unit next door who make me uncomfortable for no legitimate reason. 

I also experience OCD type symptoms/thinking patterns, and particularly fear religion, worrying that any sort of omniscient being is out to punish me by causing suffering to myself of loved ones. This causes me significant distress because I know I am a good person but am terrified the world just doesn't want me to be happy and that I do not deserve to be healthy over other people.

I am seeing a psychologist but am unsure if this has helped me much. I was hoping users could kindly provide me with some tips because at the moment evidence based reasoning and mindfulness techniques do not seem to be working for me. Subsequently I am scared I will be stuck feeling fearful instead of enjoying life for good.

Thank you in advance for your advice. 

[Guest_1055]

Hello Beckinson

I'm sorry that I can't give you any advice. I can only tell you I know what it is like to feel that fear of being judged by others. And I also wanted to give you a welcome hug. Hope someone else here can advise you, because they probably know more than me.

OK bye now

Shelley xxx

[Chicken_Wings]

Hi Beckinson,

Welcome to the forums. You'll find that this is a really safe place to get how you are feeling out of your brain and onto paper (so to speak). 

What kind of therapy are you doing are you doing with your psychologist? Just wondering if you've done any CBT. I have found some of the exercises you learn in CBT really helpful in taking greater control of your thoughts.

My worries are also centred around the wellbeing of myself and the people I care about as well as how people perceive me.

I do think mindfulness has its place. I try and do it in the morning before the day gets going, or if I'm home and just feeling anxious. You don't have to wait till you're feeling bad.

also, are you taking any medication? If not I would suggest having a talk to your gp.

[Manda85ballarat]

Hi Beckinson,

I a sorry to hear you are finding things difficult at the moment. I don't have a great deal of advice to offer, but I can relate to how you are feeling. I find distraction a helpful tool (not putting things off) if I allow a portion of day to think about things that worry me then move on. It doesn't work all the time and it takes a great deal of discipline but it makes a difference.

Take care sorry I couldn't offer more helpful advice.

Manda

[Beckinson1]

Hey Chicken Wings,

 thanks for the reply. Mainly my therapist has talked to me about mindfulness & evidence based thinking and using these techniques depending on what I'm stressed about. 

I am very hesitant to take medication due to the amount of medication I've had to take growing up and I am worried about becoming dependent on it.

[Tryingtostaypositive]

Hello Beckinson, 

I can relate to most of what you said. To be honest I havent acknowledged these things to myself nor have I spoken to anyone about these things before. I'm very new to forum writing also.

I'm sorry I can not offer any advice but I can say that I relate to you and you're not alone in this. 

xx

[Chicken_Wings]

Hey Beckinson,

think of this medication like all other medication. If you had a headache you'd take a paradol. If you had high blood pressure you'd take medication for that. Medication for anxiety is just the same. 

you don't have to take it forever, but it might just be what you need to break the cycle. It's totally up to you obviously. All I'm saying is don't discount it without having a look at your options.

have a read about CBT and if you think it's worth it, discuss its value with your psychologist. If what your currently doing isn't giving you results then it might be worth a try. Personally I found it easier because it was almost like doing homework. 

There are some exercise books that people suggest that you can do at home and with the help of your psychologist. I think one of the popular ones is Mastering Your Anxiety. There is a workbook version and a version for therapists.

i haven't done them myself but they seem to help people.

[Beckinson1]

Hey Tryingtostaypositive,

​I appreciate your comments and do find a level of comfort in knowing I am not alone. Although this sounds like it is the beginning of your 'journey' as such, acknowledging these thoughts I am sure will bring you a step closer to not letting these thoughts impact your day to day life.

I myself am hoping that while my anxiety is currently very bad, that it just means I can only get better and get my old self back from here.

 Have a great Christmas!

[geoff]

dear Beckinson, having OCD is not a very good illness to have, so I'm so sorry that you do have it, because it has the capacity of controlling our mind, and that's an understatement.

Could I just ask you to read some information on desensitisation therapy, which may not pertain to your situation, but there is a lot to learn, such as with social anxiety and fear, plus you know what hypochondria is, however you could also google 'hypochondria and desensitisation'.

What I'm saying might be far fetched, but there maybe some information to learn from the site. Geoff.

[Mummybee]

Hi Beckinson,

I too suffer from Health Anxiety, and I completely understand how you feel. It's awful feeling that your body is your worst enemy. Some days I am so obsessed with thoughts about my body and what may or may not be wrong with me, I get very upset because I know that I'm being obsessive but I just can't stop. I have anxiety about other things too, but generally when I remove the other stressors the anxiety fades.

health anxiety is very different, it's like being trapped in your own nightmare, and it's difficult to escape. Constantly googling symptoms and obsessing about self checking, self diagnosing... Around and around in circles it goes.

the things I have tried that work a little? The two week challenge: if a symptom is so bad that you think you might die, go to the emergency. If it isn't, then wait two weeks, if it's still there, the same or worse, book a doctors appointment, if it's gone or your onto obsessing about something else, you know it's your health anxiety playing tricks on you. 

This helps me a lot, because I feel better once I make a note and start counting down the two weeks, and you know what? Apart from my muscle twitching the symptoms always go or change.

sorry i can't help you more, because I honestly feel for you. It's not nice, but there are strategies that can and do help.

keep us posted, you're not alone.

mummybee