Anxiety is Ruining my life

[Guest_76012041]

This is just the latest incident of me letting my anxiety control me. Right now I should be overseas with my wife but instead I'm at home feeling like a piece of shit. I let my anxiety stop me from going on a plane thus breaking my wife's heart in the process. I've let my anxiety control me for so long that it's at the point where my relationship is dying and I can't see anything but darkness and negativity. I constantly let my anxiety control my life and my decisions. I've made my world so small in the process. I don't feel like I'm living, I feel like I'm just existing with no identity or purpose. I don't know why I'm posting this, I guess it's a cry for help.

[therising]

Such an incredibly challenging time in your life, based on so many different factors. My heart goes out to you as you try so hard to develop a vision of the way forward that could make some positive difference.

I'm wondering whether the reasons for your anxieties have ever been identified. It can be so hard to manage certain mental health challenges if we've never found relatable reasons for why they exist. It's not enough for someone to simply say to us 'You have anxiety' or 'You have depression'. Such mental health challenges don't come about for no good reason. I think some reasons can be obvious in some ways and not so obvious in a lot of other ways. Just a handful of reasons for anxiety, amongst many many reasons

• We've been raised in a way where we've been led to practice channeling the stresser in us. While practice makes perfect, this type of practice can feel like a form of torture, that's for sure. If we have a parent who's a stresser, they can teach us how to stress
• Some people are major feelers and can feel their thoughts, feel their visions (in their imagination), feel their inner dialogue, feel other people's emotions as if they were their own and so on. While some folk are prone to naturally feeling in a whole lot of ways (good ways and not so good ways), others experience feeling intensely as a part of being on the autism spectrum and/or ADHD spectrum
• Anxiety relating to trauma (PTSD)
• A lack of skill development. This one can go back to the way we were raised. If we were raised with a whole stack of skills when it comes to managing how we think, our inner dialogue, how we feel our emotions and other people's emotions (their anger, their stress etc), how we breathe our way through stress, how we use our imagination (accessing the right kind of imagery) and so on, there wouldn't be too much of an issue in a lot of cases. Even 'how to be thoughtless' is a skill in some cases. For example, how to get on a plane without thinking (aka 'being on auto pilot') means simply getting on a plane. We can't feel nothing if we're thinking of nothing. Mental and emotional detachment is a skill if practiced constructively. Definitely easier said than done

Internal chemistry that's a serious struggle to manage can call for external chemistry at times. While some meds are classed as 'drugs of addiction', they can be used wisely on occasion. I think of a family member who, before retirement, used to take a well known sedative (in mild form) at tax time. He was a senior accountant for a large firm and had an enormous amount of responsibility and work around tax time. It's the only time of the year where he'd take this drug, which would help him cruise through like an absolute star. It allowed him to not feel his nervous system going into hyper drive.

I wish I could say something that could make all the difference to you. It's so incredibly hard when what we struggle with feels more like a depressing form of torture than anything else.

[tranzcrybe]

Anxiety works like any other drug of dependence.
In the short term it brings consolation but gradually depletes autonomy to embark on adventures (even to the extent of becoming housebound).
Your anxiety is quite understandable but it occupies too high a priority in your life.

Since you recognise the crisis, confronting your fears and relinquishing control of all irrational variables (and true, possibly braving the rational ones that we face every day) beckons to reclaim your life.

Stories abound of people undertaking perilous actions to save loved ones (in this instance, your relationship), often commenting they never really thought about themselves.

Is it too late to jump on the next plane and meet up with your wife?
Think of all it would mean to her and your own self determination every step of the way.
Is how you feel right now the impetus to make a change? If so, see the negative as a positive and seize the opportunity.

[Happylife]

Hello and welcome,

This is such a challenging and difficult situation you are going through, I really feel for you.

Totally understand how anxiety is controlling you. I am an overthinker and when I get anxious, it sometimes feels like it's controlling me. Having this repetitive, unproductive thoughts actually stops the ability to make proper decisions.

Anxiety tries to trap us, don't allow it to win and take the power back.

Try taking small steps every day and do exactly the opposite of what anxiety tells you to do. I know it can be very hard in the beginning but slowly things will start to get better and you will feel more and more confident. It is not worth ruining your relationship or life for anxiety.

Have you reached out to any professionals for guidance and help?

Here to listen and please remember you are not alone...

Take care

Happylife