Anxiety is not something we can 'defeat', but manage.

[Fear_Is_A_Part_of_Us]

Slightly unfortunate to have only 2500 characters so I will try to keep this succinct.

Having suffered anxiety to what I would argue as bad as it gets - I thought I'd share something I learned through my suffering.

I suffered trademark severe anxiety symptoms - very invasive thoughts, fear of losing my sanity, regular panic attacks, bouts of de-realisation, analysing every thought & every behaviour, fear of mental illnesses (I was convinced I had OCD and bi-polar at one point), all which ultimately led to depression.

What I found I was trying to do was 'beat' anxiety. I have always been headstrong. It was me versus this disease. And I refused to lose. I refused to suffer and change my lifestyle because my thoughts were behaving like a hurricane. I was going to beat anxiety, one way or another.

The problem was, no matter how hard I tried, something would always trigger my anxiety. I would be having a conversation, forgetting how I was being perceived, to receiving a quick 'shock' to the brain which would make my heart skip a beat, and I would become instantly hyper vigilant about my surroundings and start questioning my sanity and and lo and behold, I begin to panic.

I was losing. And I kept losing. I lost so much, that I gave up. Anxiety had won the battle, I couldn't win. Keep in mind, I have never been suicidal. I am too optimistic, no matter how bad things got, I always believed in a better tomorrow.

Now, you might think accepting defeat was a bad thing to happen. After some deep thought and some time, I came to realise that anxiety is a part of me. It will always be a part of me. I will never be able to completely eradicate anxiety, but what I could do was ignore and acknowledge invasive thoughts as part of my anxiety and I never wanted to act on them, and that if I was to go insane then that is what the world had planned for me, and in the same vain if my heart was beating so fast, I could not stop a heart attack if I wanted to.

This recognition, this acceptance, in conjunction with a SNRI (life-safer), saw the triggers of my anxiety no longer 'trigger' a panic or cycle of negative thoughts. And funnily enough - as I no longer was triggered, the frequency of the triggers went down, enormously (over time).

I still get triggered sometimes. But acceptance is key. I had lost the battle, but I won the war.

[Blue_Jane]

Hi there

Thank you so much for sharing what you have learnt. Sounds like you have been through a tough time but are aware of what has happened.

I see my mental illness as something I need to manage - not stop. I too tried to stop it, solve it, fix it. But that just made things worse. Acceptance as you say is key.

I think mental illness is part of a lot of us but only some of us are triggered. Friends and family used to ask me why I was suffering from anxiety and I could not explain it. On the outside my life was great and I knew it was. But on the inside I was struggling and in survival mode.

I have been managing my anxiety well for about 15 months know. Before that it was 2.5 years of a very horrible time.

I still have a few bad days and I get nervous that I am going to go down again but then I remind myself that I have fought this before and revert to my breathing exercises, eating well, exercising and not drinking alcohol and I usually start to feel better.

Thanks again for sharing.

Blue Jane

[geoff]

hello FIAPU, well anxiety and depression are always with us once we unfortunately have had it, yes we can control it, learn to control it by ourselves or by medication, where we maybe able to eliminate a proportion of it, but no, we can't defeat it totally.
People may tell you that it's possible and if you can't then you have no stamina or determination, that's rubbish, because there could be times when it reocurrs time after time, and when this happens means that you haven't been able to stop it, and the same applies to when you have had depression. Geoff.

[Moonstruck]

Good to meet you - Fear Is a Part of Us,

I too, can relate to what you say and in describing some of your symptoms. Unlike many others on here, I have no medication to help -both GP and psych/counsellor have the same answer whenever I have raised the question "They can be addictive you know - I think you can manage without them"...so i have given up asking.

I have no choice but to dip into my sleeping meds sometimes during the day to control the anxiety - I used to use alcohol but can't any more because of damage it did to my body - it would now be life-threatening if I drank again....I feel I have no support at all..except here on Forum.

I have my usual thread which I posted on just today outlining how I am feeling today. I can accept I have Anxiety - but others don't seem able to. There is still that stigma attached.

I fear if I reveal it and explain how it affects me people may think "oh this is a sick weak person..we cannot give her/him that task, or trust them to do this or that, or leave this in their hands, or ring them for a chat etc etc"...whereas they wouldn't think that, if I were explaining that I had a hearing problem, or a sprained ankle, or suffered from migraines, or whatever...I don't know how to broach the subject - too many risks attached.

I enjoyed reading your post - and admire you for coming this far - I hope I can achieve what you have - I want to congratulate you for your attitude and for sharing with us.

It is good to know I am not alone - as i do not know a single person in my "real world" who has an Anxiety Disorder - I know no-one who is so filled with fear, or so easily "triggered" as I am. there is no-one among my friends, family, or colleagues I can talk to about my condition....my best wishes to you.....Moon S.

[Fear_Is_A_Part_of_Us]

Hi @Moon.

I firmly believe that no one understands anxiety unless you've suffered from it. Not even the best of psychologists understand it, but they can help dismember the irrationalities of your fears.

I assume I'll be on meds for life. I'm 27 now, I've been on SNRI for 6+ years and it doesn't bother me if I have to be. Maybe I'll try wean off when I feel strong enough. They aren't 'addictive' in the sense you crave them, but your body becomes addicted in the sense you will feel withdrawal if you stop using them suddenly. Meds were my last resort, I tried everything before I said I can't do this anymore, I am going to die if I don't get something to help me. And it did, it helped a lot.

Mental illness runs in my family, my father, mother, and brother are all on anti-depressants. So I have had the support i've needed when hitting rock-bottom, but at the end of the day there was nothing they could do to help me, when anxiety is so indiscriminately crippling at the most irrational times.

I would recommend trying a SSRI or SNRI if you feel you've exhausted all other avenues. Yes they are addictive, and yes when you decide to stop taking them the withdrawals are going to be awful. But we only live once, and I refuse to live my whole life in fear and despair. Alcohol and Benzodiazepines and other short-acting anxiety relievers are the things you should try to avoid in terms of long-term use (due to their very addictive nature, and you need to take more and more to achieve the desired effect).

@ Blue Jane, I can't count the amount of times of gone down the Rabbit Hole just to climb back out again. There's no doubt some of our lives here are much harder than average, but no body ever said life was fair ;). I'm glad you're doing well, and there will always be good days and bad days, we can just do our best to make the good days longer and learn to make the bad days - less bad. As an anxiety sufferer i've learnt anxiety will always be here (it's a natural human response, after all), but how I respond to it is the most important thing to learn.

It is unreasonable to expect others to understand anxiety, like we do, all we can do is ask for support in hard times, and hope they are good enough people to assist in any way they can. I also, have not told anyone of my disorder, except my immediate family.

[The_Possum]

Hey Moonstruck

How do you go with using sleeping medication during the day?!

I think it would knock me out. I use them sometimes at night, maybe one night a week. They too are very addictive.

Take care x