Anxiety...help

[nessie_lou]

Hi Guys,

I've never posted before but am here now because i am in the thick of what I call an episode. I had major anxiety on tuesday and it hasnt stopped since...the joy of 4am wake ups with anxiety.

A little back ground. I had my first anxious episode when I was 21 and it lasted 2 weeks, of which time I cried, shook, couldnt eat or sleep properly, had the upset stomach etc....my parents took me to the doc so many times that week to then finally be told I had GAD and was put on medication. Fast forward 18 years and whilst it is usually well managed with medication etc I find myself just as baffled as i was back then. As in when I feel anxious I get asked what are you thinking about...my answer generally is nothing. Its the racing heart, the sweating, the shaking, the nausea and diarrhoea, the restlessness, the not wanting to be left alone, the racing weird dream like thoughts I get when I am trying to rest. I have spent so much time and money on psychologists and am currently doing CBT and mindfulness but I truly dont know how to change the way I think because I dont actually know what I am thinking about. Yes there are times when there are triggers; death, health and overthinking past events but more often than not it just jumps out of no where and smacks me in the face.

Does anyone get this?

I hope this episode doesnt last too long...i miss laughing and feeling normal.

[blondguy]

Hi Nessie.Lou

Good on you for having the courage to post!

I hear you loud and clear on how awful anxiety can be. My first mega attack was in 1983 when I was in my 20's and it scared the crap out of me. It took 13 years to get a handle on it.

You are proactive to have done so much with counseling and the meds as well as doing CBT as well.

The biggest break I had from anxiety was a community health mental health care nurse. I was stuck at home with chronic anxiety and this mental health worker was a psychiatric nurse. He was a gem. He did a home visit first and then insisted that I see him every week without fail which I reluctantly agreed to. He pressed all my uncomfortable buttons and had me crying like a baby (venting) for about 3 weeks...I still continued to see him for another 6 months to get my thinking back on track.

The good news is that the severity of the anxiety attacks (and associated feelings) will reduce.....especially if you have super regular counseling....fortnightly at the worst.

My community mental health care worker was based in my local council and was free...no charge...yay!

I also remember not wanting to be left alone as well and that was a dreadful feeling.

If you have the determination and patience required the public health system......or even a good social worker can help you through this.....as long as you commit to super regular therapy....and lay everything on the table for the counselor.

Just out of respect for you...I take a small dose of an SSRI every day. I wasnt depressed at the time but the AD's really helped with reducing my anxiety big time. Ive always been anti meds but have been have been on them for 21 years whilst still being professionally employed.

I hope you can post back when convenient for you.

my kind thoughts.....you WILL laugh and feel normal again Nessie

Paul

[nessie_lou]

Hi Paul and thanks for the reply. I started antidepressants when I was 21 and was on that until just before I got pregnant with my second child, then I changed medication which I have been on now for 13 years. I accepted long ago that medication was going to be an ongoing part of my life when my dad, whilst I was crying about it said, love if you were diabetic and needed insulin to survive would you fight it....i of course said no, dad then said, so why is this any different. In saying that after a bad anxiety episode nearly 12 months ago the after hours gp gave me a sleeping pill to give my body a chance to rest...i feared it and reluctantly took it for 2 nights. It did give me a chance to rest which was wonderful but me being me (my husband was away for 3 months so I was alone with the kids) wouldnt take it until my brother arrived from interstate to support me. I even had him lay in bed next to me so I didnt feel alone. Here I am again, feeling anxious (although at this present minute feeling ok) and i have the sleeping pill sitting there but my husband is on back to back night shifts for 3 nights...I have resigned myself to the fact that my body is tired and needs good rest after the last 4 nights of little sleep and still going to work that I will probably take it tonight. Another aspect of my anxiety is that I hate my body not being in my control, hence I dont like alcohol anymore, had anxiety post op when they gave me pain meds that doped me up etc and lets not forget when I had to have morphine when I was in a lot of pain...i fought it every step of the way.

My psychologist is very kind and we talk about my triggers (health, death, lack of control, and regretting things I have done in the past), I dont get to see her as often as she costs and i can afford to see her fortnightly at best. I have another counsellor who I like to talk with, once again $$ but sometimes i need someone to listen and tell me Im ok and offer a different perspective. I guess the one thing that gets me down is that I try so hard to get on top of this and yet here we are 21 years later and I still battle. I worry so much about my support network getting smaller as I get older (parents, grandparents - dont get me started on my worries about them dying) and I think sometimes will this ever get better, will it get worse, will i end up in a dark place one day (another fear of mine).

[nessie_lou]

I wrote a huge reply and its not there....nooooooo.

[blondguy]

Hey Nessie.Lou

That is such a pain when we (yes including me too) post and it vaporises ......super annoying.

I was exactly the same with 'hanging on' as tightly as I could. Unfortunately it took me 13 years to grasp that fighting anxiety only makes it worse.

'Acceptance Therapy is a great way to 'let go' of the anxiety. Once we truly accept that anxiety is nothing more than crap feelings the fear stops and the anxiety will reduce big time. This takes practice and super regular therapy....but it works.

The biggest break I had from anxiety was a community health mental health care nurse....NO CHARGE 🙂

I hope you can stick around the forums Nessie

please be gentle with yourself

Paul