Anxiety gets so bad I have to leave home when I don’t want to

[Anon1997]

What is someone called when they’re distant towards you but also make snide remarks/comments in the disguise as a joke. Or how about when they’re distant from you and your son but you’re not sure what’s actually their problem and now you get this horrible anxiety so crippling you literally skip town in hopes you don’t see them so you don’t have a big confrontational argument because you’re scared of what will happen because you’ve tried that in the past and it back fired on you & were made to feel like your feelings were invalid, that they are allowed to judge my music taste, like they are better than me, like the person who made you feel like they had a worse childhood than you due to sexual abuse but didn’t know you actually suffered sexual abuse from a family friend and to this day still haven’t told anyone apart from mentioning it right now.

Now her (my eldest sister) daughters (my nieces) are distant towards me, don’t acknowledge my son most times & are apparently different to him when I’m not around. Her eldest daughter will not acknowledge me in town anymore. That’s okay, her and I never really became close after the first blow out. Her youngest was quite close to me up until Easter and now all she thinks is my son is spoiled and she’s not (whole other backstory; she got more Easter presents then my son and that’s all I’m going to say). She won’t even acknowledge my son (2yr old) if he’s trying to get her attention, he’s very persistent and he’s not speaking much but he can definitely use his voice to indicate what he wants. He could practically be on her and she wouldn’t even look at him. Yet with her eldest sisters sons both 4&2 she is all over them and interacts with them but with my son she is cold. It’s starting to affect me to the point I don’t acknowledge any of them & the fact that my father and another niece from my other sister is telling me things I’m not comfortable with (not acknowledging my son, idc about me). My foot was put down when my eldest sister invited my mum out for her birthday dinner, that’s fine, she usually asks if I want to go but things had been pretty rocky so I didn’t expect it but felt a little hurt. Then they come back to pick all my nieces up to go back to her house to cut mums cake. They got my eldest niece and her two boys over there but they never texted me or rang me, not even to include my son. Which was very odd considering they would usually contact me. I felt so hurt I didn’t talk to anyone for days.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Anon1997,

Welcome to our friendly online community, we are so glad you decided to join us here. We know it can be hard to write the first post, so thank you for having the courage. We are sorry to hear what you have been through and would like to encourage you to contact 1800RESPECT. They offer 24/7 confidential information, counselling and support for people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse. The lovely supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice and support to anyone who has been through trauma like this. You can contact them on 1800 737 732 or visit https://www.1800respect.org.au/ We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it

[P0L0]

Hi Anon1997,

It is hard to talk about these things with others, so congratulations on making the first step by posting here. You are welcome here any time. Also, your feelings, thoughts and emotions are most certainly, 100% valid!

If I could give some advice, I would say that you should look after your own well-being and the well-being of your family first, but if you can communicate to your sisters and their families how they have treated you and how they made you feel, they may understand.

Just to add on to what Sophie_M has said, and if you are feeling like you need someone to talk to about anything, you can also contact Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST at www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport . There is also Lifeline on 13 11 14 or the Lifeline crisis chat 7pm - 12am at https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-chat/ .

P0L0

[Gonemad]

My entire family doesn’t speak to me haven’t for nearly 30 years for one sister. I don’t know what I did wrong. My own daughters are choose if or when they can be bothered. My husband is totally wok focused so I spend all day every day alone at home in isolation really. It’s hard to understand what you did wrong or what went wrong. All I know is it leaves you very very alone.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Gonemad,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, we're so glad you decided to join us here. We're so sorry to hear how lonely you feel at the moment. We empathise with how difficult this period is. Please know that our community is here to support you and we will get through this.  If you feel it might be useful, we'd encourage you to visit our Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service. The website will be regularly updated with information, advice and strategies to help you manage your wellbeing and mental health during this time. 

Many of our members have felt similar and will be able to talk through these feelings with you. If you would like to seek help from the community, we would recommend that you create your own thread. You can find out how to do this, and other FAQs here - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/welcome-and-orientation/the-forum-faq-thread...

[Bluegirl2014]

Hi Anon,

Your feelings are valid and so are those of your dear little son. Do you have a close friend or other person who you enjoy spending time with? I know that with the pandemic it is harder (or even not allowed dependent on where you live) to see people face to face, but I wonder if there is anyone you can speak to to just have a nice time chatting to. I think it would be nice if you could otherwise spend some time doing something you really enjoy, maybe you and your little one could do some fun painting together, or make a pattern with sticks and stones found in nature, or do some baking?

If possible can I suggest you try to stay connected with your Mum? It sounds as though she may be open to continuing your relationship. You could maybe arrange your own little birthday celebration? You don't need to talk with her about your problems with your other family members, but just enjoy your time together.

It's good that you have reached out here. There really are some supportive and caring people, who will be able to point you in the right direction as to services to contact.

[Anon1997]

I have a “bestfriend” who can only be bothered when she’s not busy, I get it, kids are a handful. She will usually text to meet up or plan a play date etc then she’ll organise the time and place (I give her full control) then last Minute she will pull out and give me an excuse or a reason, whichever you want to go with. We’ve tried meeting up 6 times since and each time she’s not come, I’ve lost a little bit of hope when going to see her because I know she’s probably just going to tell me she’s not coming, which is fine.. What annoys me the most is she will text me and when I respond she will read it and not respond at all. Or I will reach out to he and say hey I’m not having a good day or this is happening at home any advice etc. and she will read it and ignore it or simply not even open it. So I don’t have anyone. My ex husband destroyed all my relationships and friendships that now I don’t have any friends. I just gave up with my bestfriend. It’s better to not have any hope because she’ll more than likely back out. I did however go to a gp to get a referral for a psychologist/therapist so hopefully that’ll help soon..

[Bluegirl2014]

Going to get that referral is a great step. Well done! Hopefully you can book in soon to see a psychologist.

Even as adults friendships can be tricky to negotiate, even harder to make new ones. Are there any playgrounps operating near you? In my state we have an organisation which you can look for playgroups onlne... I wonder if there is something similar in yours? although I understand some things aren't operating with covid.

Have you and your little boy done anything fun together Lately?