Anxiety. Germs

[Livvy18]

I have always been carefree and relaxed. However, just over 2 years ago my sister was 3 months pregnant and I came in contact with someone who supposedly had hand foot and mouth. I was a total mess, as the thought of passing it on to her and her unborn baby terrified me. I never actually caught anything, but my brain kept telling me I had all the symptoms. It was as if I was seeing and feeling things that I didn’t actually have.

Since then my anxiety over “germs” have become an almost every day battle. I have also had a son in this time. His 6 months old. He is my world and so is his daddy! My husband is very supportive but I don’t think he understands my anxiety fully. He is a very easy going person so the smallest thing that I find dirty wouldn’t even cross his mind. In a way it calms me down but sometimes it freaks me out. Anyway, I have asked people not to kiss my son as I’m terrified of him catching a cold sore (I know it’s not the end of the world but my brain tells me differently). I hate going out in public or to family/ friends houses as I don’t want people to touch him. If I do go out I’m watching him like a hawk, however I feel like I can’t tell people to not do something if I don’t like it. Then when I get home not only do I constantly wash my hands to the point that they bleed but I feel sick that I have let my son down and that he is going to catch something. I feel like my anxiety will eventually come between my husband and I or that my son will turn out just like me or have an awful childhood because of me. Am I the only one? Do you have any suggestions?

[MsPurple]

Hi Livvy and welcome to the forums.

I have had a bit of health anxiety in the past. I felt like my throat was feeling tight and thought 'omg am I allergic to something' Logically I knew I wasn't but my anxiety was telling me so. I decided I couldn't do this alone. I got help and saw a therapist. I didn't actually work necessarily on health anxiety but my overall anxiety and depression (note I have GAD).

One thing I was advised to do was to try meditation. I wasn't convinced but I was told to do it every day for 10 mins for at least 7 days in a row. I gave it a go using a meditation app called 'calm' (free section). At first I didn't think it helped but then I realised it was helping. I could use some of the breathing technique and focus techniques to help me deal with my everyday stress and anxiety.

Another thing I found helped was telling myself 'it is ok, you are healthy, you (and your son) are fine. It is ok'. Sounds silly but doing the self assurance works. After a while you begin to believe it.

You are definately not alone. I hope more forum users come here and add some input to.

[Livvy18]

Thank you so much. I have seen a psychologist in the past and am considering going back. Will definitely try the app and self reassurance. Xx

[geoff]

Hello Livvy, a warm welcome to you.

I'm really sorry for what's been happening and it would be a good idea to go back to your psychologist and ask them whether or not you have OCD because washing your hands to the point where they bleed is a sign that OCD maybe present, and from what else you have said.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Doolhof]

Hi Livvy,

Having a chat to a psychologist certainly sounds like a good idea. I also like to research different issues and find ways to help myself as well.

There is so much information on the web, here on the Beyondblue site, in library books also. The more you learn the more you can help yourself.

Being social and with other people is important to all of us. I hope you are able to find ways to relax around your son, he will benefit so much from being with other people. Hopefully you can work out a healthy balance.

When you are washing your hands, can you reduce the amount of time you are scrubbing them to help save your hands from the harshness? Would anti bacterial hand washes help you feel sanitised without all of the scrubbing?

Hope you find some answers! Cheers from Dools

[Livvy18]

Hello, thank you! Yep she did diagnose me with OCD the last time I went to her.

Thank you.

[MsPurple]

HI Livvy

How have you been? Have you tried the meditation? Some people us other apps like smiling minds and headspace. Could try these other ones as well.

[Livvy18]

Hello Ms Purple,

Thanks for checking in on me. I haven’t tried the apps yet. However, I’ve been pretty good with the hand washing lately.

I have got a family event coming up (for my husbands side) who don’t know I suffer anxiety. When my little one was born we asked everyone to not kiss him and to be vaccinated against whooping cough - they all found these requests very strange. I have never got along with his side (but that’s another story). I find going to family events very stressful as they always do things to my son that I don’t like - put their faces close to his, have their hands all over his face, let him put their fingers in his mouth, etc.

All of this completely freaks me out!! A lot of them get cold sores so I don’t like them doing these things.

I’m hoping I can be strong on the day and not let my anxiety get the better of me.

Thank you again,