Anxiety attack after seeing my psychologist for the first time…

[Faerie]

Anxiety attack after seeing my psychologist for the first
time…


A bit of my background in dot points…

-
Shy child

-
Avoided sports that I was good at because I was
worried about my weight.

-
My mum passed away when I was 19 (Cancer)

-
My dad passed away when I was 21 (Cancer)

-
I met a guy 15 years older than myself and ended
up falling pregnant, kept the baby we got married had another daughter.

-
Together 4 – 5 years before I realised he was
emotionally abusive, manipulative and a compulsive liar (much more to it than
that but basics I would be here all day going on about him)

Anyway now to my initial question… for the first-time I visited
with a psychologist to discuss having anxiety, I wake up anxious during the
night, have dreams that cause this as well as some other symptoms of feeling
anxious and worried. Is it normal that my first actual full blown anxiety
attack was after seeing my psychologist for the first time I left her and went
to Medicare and while I was waiting my heart was racing I couldn’t breathe I
felt like I was going to burst into tears it was just an uncontrollable sense
of everything falling apart?

[james1]

Hello Faerie,

Welcome to the forums. It is nice to talk to you here.

Your little bit of background sounds very hard to have lived through and I'm sorry to hear about what's happened. With all that as a backdrop to needing to see a psychologist about anxiety...it really is very understandable.

I get the sense you are a very determined person who wants to get things sorted and one of those things - therapy - seems to come hit a roadblock with your anxiety attack post-psychologist.

I wish I could give you more reassurance but truthfully seeing a psychologist is very hard. It can even bring about a slight worsening of symptoms in the short term because we can become very good at putting our bad feelings in boxes and leaving them for a while. However, these inevitably break out of their box especially when we're with someone safe like a psychologist, and that's why it can feel even worse afterwards.

The good news though is that you know it's the right thing to do because that box was going to open sooner or later. Better now when it is half full than later when it is overflowing.

Perhaps what you can do is speak to your psychologist the next time you see her and tell her what happened. Will you have a session soon? To make sure you remember, you could consider writing something down to describe what happened that day.

Anyway, I just wanted to reassure you that it is completely normal to feel like that after your first or even second or third psychologist. But that it does get easier and better over time, and that you're doing the right thing for yourself and family to make sure you get the support you deserve.

James

[PatT]

Hi Faerie,

Although I'm certainly not a psychologist nor would I ever profess to be a mental health expert I do know some things from my considerable personal experience. Most people deal with emotional pain via suppression. If we simply reacted to suffering by pouring out our herts and souls every time something went down we would be in constant misery. Instead we bottle it up and try to forget about it.

I'm guessing that you actually beginning to address your emotional and mental pain, accumulated over a lengthy period, is resulting in the reemergence of those feelings, manifested in your anxiety. I know that while I've had PTSD since incidents of serious abuse as a child but the actual pain wasn't anywhere near as severe as when I, at age 24 tried to actually address it. Everything came pouring out. It was buried so deep that I forgot about it but when it came back it hurt.

You'll probably have to deal with the pain, but it will get easier and it needs to be addressed. In the meantime focus on doing whatever you can to keep yourself sane - people, exercise, mdinfulness, all that stuff.

Take care,

Pat.

[MisterM]

Hi Faerie,

I was so terrified before and during my first ever session. I think it is normal to feel anxious and terrified during your first session. You should find it gets easier over the next few sessions.

MM

[Faerie]

Thank you for your replies, going into my appointment I wasn’t
sure what to expect and all we really did was talk about my background and I
left feeling so emotionally drained. I think I was hoping to leave feeling
better but you are right I am an incredibly determined person and have spent
many, many years supressing emotions that I still struggle to talk about them. I
just wasn’t expecting such a dramatic response; my next appointment is Friday
(Two weeks after my initial appointment). I will speak about how I felt
afterwards and see what she says.



-“The good news though is that you know it's the right thing
to do because that box was going to open sooner or later. Better now when it is
half full than later when it is overflowing.”

I love this analogy; I usually compare it to a bucket but
bucket and box are very much the same. I feel like my bucket/box is very close
to the top and over time it slowly empties, but occasionally like after my
appointment it over flows and this was the first time that it had overflowed to
the degree of an actual physical anxiety attack.

Does anyone have any advice re: visiting my psychologist I
have a lot of trouble speaking about my feelings and issues I hate admitting that
I need help. When I saw her I did the checklist which came back saying I am
stressed but not anxious which clearly was untrue as I had a physical attack
when I left and I am stressed I am a young single mum who studies full time at
university but when I did the Beyond Blue test I got back 35 and a result of
high Anxiety I struggle to be completely truthful about how much help I require
as I do not want to be told I should take medication and I am so use to putting
on my brave face…

Any advice would be great.

Thank you again, your words are a great help.

[james1]

Hey Faerie,

From my own experience, it's the brave face that hides the most fears, so it's no surprise your two tests showed different things. I know when I did it, I didn't even want to admit to myself that I needed help, let alone admit it to others.

A few things that have helped me open up:

- write stuff down and either read it or show them

- practice saying it out aloud to a mirror (I find this surprisingly hard, and is how I noticed I didn't want to admit stuff to myself)

- close your eyes and talk while you're in the session

- be upfront when you lie or don't tell the full truth and just bluntly say that. You don't need to say what you didn't open up about, just that you didn't

In the end, your psychologist won't be angry or anything with you. They know this is happening already and will be patiently waiting for you to open up. So don't be too hard on yourself about this because it may take a while before you feel comfortable saying everything. And that's okay.

James

[Faerie]

Thanks J

I jumped on the beyond blue chat last night and had a good chat
to one of the councillors, it is such a great service I feel so much lighter and
am looking forward to my appointment much more now. I have always kind of known
that my ex was very emotionally abusive and that equates to domestic violence but
have never had anyone validate my concerns so have always in the back of my
mind wondered if I was over reacting and “being silly” to have these thoughts
confirmed has pretty much made my anxiety go from an 8 or 9 down to a 5 overnight.
I slept much better although still had trouble turning my mind off to go to
sleep, it has helped me realise I do need to talk about my problems yet also
that I find it much easier to do so when I write it all down so I have written
a little list to take with me to my psychologist on Friday and am hoping that my
anxiety stays at a nice 5 for a while now it is the first time since my last
appointment that I have managed to feel so relaxed and not as on edge no leg
giggling and I am able to focus a lot better less irritated which is nice
considering I caught my goats in my house this morning after my daughter didn’t
shut the door properly this would usually trigger quite a lot of anger at the
goats whereas today I was able to see the funny side ish…