Anxiety and Swallowing Difficulities

[TheWayfarer]

Hey everyone,

My mental health really went off the rails at the end of last year where I had a massive choking incident. I was lying down eating chocolate (it was the holidays, but I learned now not to do that ever again) and a few seconds later I felt like I was suffocating.Then I had another choking incident only a week later - and after that... everything changed.

I couldn't eat or drink anything. The sight of food and drink alone would send shivers down my spine and I'd internally panic even contemplating on trying to consume it - getting flashbacks and visualising that I'd end up choking like I did in the past. I went to my GP and he prescribed be reflux medication, thinking it wasn't a big issue (it had hurt when I did manage to swallow something) and it was only meant to be used as a precaution to hopefully ensure I didn't get any severe oesophageal issues in the future with my repetitive vomitting). But try as I did, the thought of swallowing anything made me incredibly nervous.

It got so bad, it came to some weeks where i didn't have anything but water. My body ached, my head felt dizzy and my life just turned out for the worst. I couldn't work, I couldn't leave the house and I couldn't see anyone apart from medical professionals. Everytime I swallowed it'd be painful and I'd be paralysed by my anxiety for hours before even contemplating on having anything to eat or drink.

Fast forward to now, I did all the tests (barium swallows, gastroscopies, had a tube down my nose to check my throat just to make sure nothing physical is obstructing) and then after that got my diagnosis for health anxiety.

I've been tested so much - I've lost 30kg, in a constant state of fatigue and I missed a lifetime opportunity to go on holidays with my friend crippled by the fact that I can't even swallow without thinking I'm going to choke or aspirate food/liquids (have food or liquid go down the lungs). My parents- who I live with work so hard and they are quite old and sick... I feel like I've been a burden to because I haven't been able to work and financially help out. We rent, but any point our tenants might raise the prices due and we could end up being homeless.

I get chest pains, struggle to breathe and I'm constantly at medical appointments, psychologist or at the ED, scared my health is deteriorating - and I get a feeling they are all getting sick of me at this point because I haven't been improving and coming back with more and more concerns.

Thanks for listening.

[stormcloudz]

Hi Wayfarer

I'm here and have been thinking about you. I'm glad to hear your update. Residential care might be a good way to get you on track so that you can then be in a better position to improve over the longer term. I have looked into residential care and it basically depends on the facility - but in some cases it's just best to be there to get the help to stabilize.

Please keep us up to date and let us know how you are going.

[stormcloudz]

PS even if you decide against residential care, I am sure things can improve for you over time.

I started a post for you yesterday on the physical symptoms of anxiety but accidentally deleted it : ( I'll try again later : )

I have also had to have lots of tests due to a separate health issue, and I also ended up with very bruised arms. Don't worry, they go away with time.

The thing with anxiety is to try to identify the thoughts that are causing you to panic internally. It may not actually be your health - that may be just where all your anxiety is coming out. It might be "safe" point of focus, if that makes any sense.

Anyway, I just wanted to say again that I really feel for you and hope that you find some support and comfort with us here.

[TheWayfarer]

Hi stormcloudz,

Hoping everyone has had a good weekend. Thank you so much for your warm thoughts.

I have been investigating further on possible physical symptoms that anxiety can be responsible for. I don't know why, but it really feels like when I'm showing some signs of recovery; my body just finds ways to terrify me with really horrible symptoms. Just a half an hour ago, my whole torso was aching and I could barely move. I decided to get changed and then call 000 to take me to the hospital because the pain was so bad (chest pains, my whole back was hurting, I was getting really dizzy). And as far as I know - I was just about to go to lie down in bed to try and relax and was not stressed or anxious about anything; and then the horror started.

But as soon I got changed; the symptoms slowly faded away. I've decided to try and wait till my next GP appointment on Wednesday to talk to him about the incident or if it gets serious before then - to definitely go try and see a medical professional sooner. I figure if I had gone to hospital; I would have to wait and they'd end up telling me it was just anxiety anyway or I'd look completely crazy. The only thing I'm a little concerned about is that my GP won't know what it is, or just say it's nothing. The pain around my body seems to just get worse. I just want to know what it is and if it can be fixed.

I'm very open to residential care; I think it'll be a good way to try and get my life back in order. In fact; I addressed it quite early on with my psychologist who I'm thankful for as she quickly went to investigate options surrounding inpatient clinics and care facilities.

Thank you so much for listening.

[stormcloudz]

Hi Wayfarer

I also suffered from disconcerting dizziness and chest pains as a physical symptom of anxiety. I did not have noticeably anxious thoughts at the time. It was years of chronic stress and some traumatic events catching up with me. Maybe it's the same for you?

I'm glad that you recovered a bit from that intense aching earlier.

I think one of the problems is that "anxiety" is a bit of a misnomer. People think that clinical anxiety is like the butterflies you might have before a test. It's not. It's a full-body, sometimes seriously debilitating physical and/or mental condition. It's not just a matter of calming down a bit.

The good news is that anxiety can be treated. It might be a combination of counselling, medication and physical therapy, or any of those. Don't let anyone imply it's "just" anxiety and you should just magically get over it - they don't have a good understanding of the condition.

It is great that you have a supportive psychologist, I'm glad to hear that.

Stay hopeful as I think that there is a good chance that you can recover from your current really limiting situation.

Please keep posting and let us know if there is anything that would be useful for you.

[Scruffy1]

Hi Wayfarer

how are you feeling today?

as I said before I can sympathise with you and know exactly what you are going through

chest pains for me from trying to swallow felt like I was having several heart attacks a day for years. (Every time I ate) I have since learned from research that it is actually worse pain than an actual heart attack. Occasionally it would radiate to my back.

as mine is what is classed as a rare disease (affects about 1 in 100000 people worldwide) trying to find a doctor that knew anything about it was a mission.

Like you the symptoms would ease up by the time I go to a doctor. Mainly because I hadn’t eaten. Doctors would do ECGs on me but could find nothing wrong with my heart. I was made to feel like I was just wasting their time and felt like I was being treated like a hypochondriac that I simply stopped going to doctors.

My biggest fear is if I ever have an actual heart attack I will dismiss it as just another chest pain from my disease

i hope you don’t take as long as I did to get diagnosed and can find some relief soon.

if you want to ask me any questions feel free

best wishes

[stormcloudz]

Scruffy, what's your condition called, and what sort of specialist is needed to diagnose it? (I'm thinking that if Wayfarer has that info, he can then rule it out).

[Scruffy1]

It’s called Achalasia and is treated by a gastroenterologist

[TheWayfarer]

Hi Stormcloudz,

One of the things I spoke about with my psychologist was my background. A theory floating around is that the anxiety finally reared its ugly head from the choking trauma from accumulated stress that I've picked up ever since childhood. In a nutshell; I've always had to be extremely cautious because of never feeling safe and being raised to believe everything is a threat. Piling on the fear about my parents getting sick and the possibility of homelessness; perhaps it's due to prolonged stress too. But it's definitely something I should discuss more with my psychologist.

Truth be told - even with treatment - i thought that too. For awhile I was not sure if anxiety could create so many different physical symptoms. It definitely takes a lot of reflection and puts you in a difficult position.

I spoke to my psychologist about future treatment. My appointment with the residential care facility is in a fortnight. Apparently they will gauge whether I would be put on a waiting list or not since beds are all full. Maybe I shouldn't admit this; but I hope they take me only because I feel like it would be a great way to practice getting a handle of my anxiety as well as give me an environment where it's safe and I can recover. Also with interaction, I would finally love to speak and be social again and feel fulfilled in life. But I think it's probably more pragmatic to wait for the appointment first, take the tour and see if it's suitable and have hope that recovery can happen even without this intervention.

I'm coming to grasps that recovery isn't a straight trajectory up, but has lots of bumps and a lot of setbacks. I used to get really hard on myself; especially because I couldn't get "well on time" to go on my holiday with my friend and seeing everyone's life just pass by with so many great opportunities while feeling completely stuck. But my treating team said something that was reassuring; about even though there's setbacks, I'm much more further away from where I started and that reassures me.

Thanks so much for listening. It really helps talking about these things.

[TheWayfarer]

Hi Scruffy1,

It's really terrifying when it happens. I remember just feeling completely hopeless when it kept occurring and when doctors and E.D just dismissed the symptoms and just told me to eat soft foods. By then I was trialing soft foods and those pains were still happening. Having what feels like a heart attack, or vomitting after eating or feeling like you can't breathe or getting aches all over your body everytime you eat or drink really discourages you from doing those things. It was only until I went out of my way seeking a gastroenterologist that I actually felt like progress was being made. Before then, the advice was just "just eat".

It was extremely important for me to rule out any physiological problems before I admitted that I had anxiety. And it wasn't as if my concerns were unreasonable. I found it hard to swallow, had chest pains, constant headaches, throat pains and am in a constant state of tiredness and my capacity to engage in the outside world was severely compromised. So why was it unreasonable to seek help in that capacity. And to just get "just eat" as treating advice before being discharged was demoralising.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Believe me, I went into incredibly dark places when that happened to me. The fact that you had such tenacity and persistence is a true testament to how strong you are for finally getting to the bottom of the condition and you've endured with it much more longer than me.

Said helpful gastroenterologist (she's been so amazing. I email her everytime I have a concern and she's very responsive and even went above and beyond for so many things) ended up doing a manometry test. That test was really tough to get through (although I hate barium swallows more). It was discovered that my oesophagus did not squeeze properly at some points, but was perfectly fine in others. She didn't believe I had achalasia, but she does believe that review is needed just in case conditions get worse.

At that point, she didn't know what the issue could have been and it was then my treating team (who, through pure desperation was compiled because I didn't know what was wrong with me at the time - so I sought advice from so many different specialists and departments) thought that anxiety was more serious than expected.

So that leads us to now. Trial and error with foods, monitor physiological symptoms and have a handle on the anxiety to see whether things are improving or if further medical intervention is needed.

[stormcloudz]

Scruffy - thanks for sharing your diagnosis so that Wayfarer and anyone else reading can check that out. What a long haul you have had.

Wayfarer - I don't have much time right now, but just wanted to drop by to say hi and thank you for your thoughtful and interesting posts. I also wanted to say what a great approach you are taking to both the residential care option and the ups and downs of recovery (that reminder helped me too). Even if I don't reply immediately, I'm reading your posts and thinking of you.