hi; I'm 22 year old female, just wanting some advice or even a little perspective.
i recently entered into a relationship and we have been dating for almost 9 months. at the start I thought that all my insecurities and self esteem issues would sort itself out once I became comfortable. I'm definitely better at being more open but it's still really difficult. i have extremely low self esteem and also suffer from anxiety as well as depression. the last few years have been rather difficult for me and I was in a horrible relationship 5 years ago which has caused me a lot of emotional damage. i love my partner and I trust him but I can't allow myself to be vulnerable. i feel physically sick if he compliments me. i don't feel comfortable to be naked around him unless it's dark. sometimes just him looking at me in the eyes makes me uncomfortable. i dont know how to allow myself to let him love me. I feel so down and have spent the better part of the last 12 years hating myself. its really difficult to change my way of thought when it's all I've conditioned myself to believe. i feel that as much as I love him, I'm always keeping him at arms length; and its not fair. he has raised his concerns around me not feeling comfortable and I worry thst if I csnt work through it, this isn't a very stable foundation for a relationship. i just don't understand how to get over it. it makes me so upset that I'm so psychologically messed up that I'm going to lose the best thing that's ever happened to me.
the other part of my brain feels like maybe i should break up with him because it's not fair for anyone. I'm not.being the best version of myself and he deserves to have all of me. not just the parts that I'm.willing to share. i just don't know if im ready, if I cant learn to be vulnerable with someone who loves me unconditionally, i dont think I ever will. I've expressed how I feel; and he listens and understands; but it's frustrating for both of us. i feel I should be taking the time to work on myself. but I love him more then life. I'm so conflicted.
I'm feeling really broken and confused.
Shannon.
